Every man loves to be called ‘a man’ and this is a title he would not give up for anything in the whole wide world. If you want to incur the wrath of a man, tell him “he’s not a man or he’s not man enough”. Whether you joked about it or said it to drive home a point, he’ll react with the whole of his being- what a terrible push?
Most times, people can keep up with situations at work which tend to crush their ego but coming back home; they demand to be treated as kings ruling only one household. Others may insult him outside but expects to be celebrated at home.
The expression “Man of the house” is therefore an all important one in the psychology of family life. A man seeing himself as ‘man of the house’ believes:
•The ultimate authority of that unit called home should rest on him.
• The level of respect he gets should know no bounds.
• The responsibility of safety and protection waits for him.
• Discipline and standards setting are in his hands.
• His financial muscles should be strong enough to pull the whole family through without disappointments.
Starting with ‘finance, I feel pretty much for any man who finds himself in a position where he cannot provide for his household. He naturally would think his leadership position is threatened. This explains to a great extent why men have great capacity to endure difficult jobs while women can decide in a split second to walk out of that job simply because her boss, colleague or client was rude to her- she mixes a high level of emotion with her career. To divert a bit, this is not a very mature way to handle challenges.
When people complain to me about how nasty others have been to them at work, I’ll say: ‘did you go there in search of love?’ Don’t get me wrong; it’s nice to work where people are warm and it’s even better to be nice to colleagues especially the ones who are new and trying to settle in to the system, they’ll likely not forget the hand of assistance you offered.
On the contrary, if you face opposition or hostility at work, first you need to educate yourself why you are there —to render service and earn a living in return. Let every other thing be secondary. Some people would antagonise you because they see in you a future boss, you look better, think smarter, produce better results or came with unbeatable experience/ideas. Being a woman should not rob you of a consistent productive spirit which is all you need to succeed in life. Like I mentioned earlier, men are very good at separating emotions from job; this helps them take corrections in good light and earn the money seriously needed by his family; oh poor man!.
A real man would not want his wife to be the bread winner of the house. He does his best to provide but if she earns more, this should not be a problem or mockery. Where I’ll feel a bit uncomfortable is when he does not want to be useful at all. Some would even shamelessly stay home to sleep, eat and squander the income of the poor toiling wife; what a man?
If he suffers job loss, support him and encourage as much as you can; believing that things would change soon. Job loss should be treated with understanding not contempt while laziness should not be tolerated remember to select your words- he’s still the man of the house.
Respect: Flowing from what has been said about being careful not to destroy a man’s ego when things are not working out fine; speaking to several men has given me the idea that respect is a treasure to them. No man wants to be treated like a piece of rag when things are bad and celebrated when the going is smooth. If you can treat him as a prince when he’s crediting your bank account without you asking, why not do same when the flow ceases? Should love be measured by what you get? I’m not sure. True love will reason along the other and try to be there for their spouse when the tide is low. I know this is easier said than done but do you know there are things you do in a relationship not necessarily because they’re convenient but because you see a future together and position yourself to be a friend in need.
The fact though remains that any woman who finds herself in the position of taking financial lead can never be truly happy in that relationship except she is the controlling/manipulative type who would want to put her man as a slave at her whim and caprice.
Discipline: The issue of discipline is a controversial one. Some people believe the woman should take care of discipline, correction and general child upbringing since she spends most of her time with them.
Think of it; what is it that makes children tend to hear fathers quicker than moms? For me, what seems to work best is when they know mom and dad have the same voice and values. Both parents should do their best not to show undue favour or try to win the young ones to be their fans.
When you see a home where the father’s words have no power, check his: relationship with his wife, relationship with his children or contribution to the general welfare of the home.
No child wants to hang around a man who treats his/her mom with contempt or depends on a man they hardly see. Children can smell love a million miles away so be careful what you do.