The world is filled with judges; people who love to condemn and walk away from persons/situations with challenging tendencies. Can you imagine how many innocent children have been forced to grow without the joy of having both parents together in one home? Yes! This happened because someone refused to shift ground, thinking he/she was right while the other was at fault.
Some of the ones who manage to still be together are no good examples to the next generation at all. And why? They have defined in their own words what should be and if their partners offer a different view, it’s considered ‘not good enough’.
For the few who think all is well and are living happily ever after, it’s good to still give it a second glance. Things that are good today may turn bad tomorrow; the safest thing to do is to keep checking on them to be sure depreciation has not crept in. It’s very possible to believe your relationship of yesterday is still as it was without taking out time to find out how the other person sees or feels about it.
Whatever the case, the good can be better and the bad can definitely be made sweet; let’s give it a go, being positive that the result will be worth the effort.
I’ve been careful not to use the expression ‘second chance’ because someone would angrily spring at me saying “He did it before and I forgave him” “She’s made it a habit not to obey me” “He shouts me down all the time” “She takes our family matters to friends” etc. If these things happened and you were able to sort it and get back together, a repeat edition will be bad enough to set someone crazy; thinking: “Why on earth can’t he/her learn simple lessons and act differently”?
By ‘Giving it another chance’ you basically are not looking at how many times he/she has wronged you but how you can leave the garbage behind and work together to build a formidable relationship. This ties closely with forgiveness but the aspect of ‘forgive & forget’ is what I wouldn’t want to dabble into. When you forgive, you may not forget instantly as long as your brain is not dead but with time the data goes off your storage, especially if you have not been rehearsing it to nurse the emotion.
There is no single person walking on the surface of this earth who has never been hurt but it’s left to you to manage your emotion. Sometimes if you follow the fact that you were hurt in the course of being friendly and chose not to relate with people anymore; you’ll not only make enemies but you’ll also be the one hurting. Did someone hurt you? Learn the lessons and move on with your life. It could be you were at fault; probably the way you spoke to him/her was wrong and the response came to justify your attitude; instead of shying away from interacting with others in future, learn how to select your words and possibly not talk too much till you can master your presentations.
Every day presents lovers with an open opportunity to be happy or sad, love or hurt, help or wound the other. Your actions and reactions carefully draw up this classification for you. You could be happy one moment and the next your spouse throws in something really sharp that could tear the heart apart, and the most terrible thing is when these issues are not addressed, they build up and form a wall of division between you and before you know it, things come crumbling.
The most frightening of these experiences are the ones which happen at the very early stage of the union. A guy once said: “It’s over between us” on the same day they got married. When asked what happened, he exploded that the bride made fun of his suit in front of his guest. He went on charging: “I cannot put up with sarcastic comments for the rest of my life”. How terrible? Did they ever go through courtship? I know courtship does not reveal all things but at least if you were not too swept up by emotions, you would have noticed a handful. Calling it quits at this point is not what I expected to happen: not to mature people who have just said…’for better or worse’… There is nothing wrong in expressing how you feel at the time but learning to please each other has just begun.
People tend to be too hard on themselves and others when it comes to sharing love. If you can endure an erratic boss, cope with a troublesome colleague; respect a manipulative mum, why don’t you give your spouse a chance to be human? Yes, to err is human, but to discuss it and move forward is real love. Do not get me wrong; I quite appreciate the fact that some hurts can be so deep that even when you make a conscious effort to forgive, they keep coming back as fresh. A woman once came up with a sympathetic story of how her husband denied her pregnancy and asked her to move out of the apartment. She had to promise him a DNA at her own cost once the baby was born and he allowed her to stay. Needless to mention the kind of humiliation she went through during this period. It was her father who offered to finally pay for the DNA and guess what? It was the husband’s son. Even though families intervened and brought them back together after the woman had disappeared to her father’s house do you think it would be easy for her to bear this, especially when he comes to play with the child he initially denied?
As bad as it sounds, together with other cases you have heard or witnessed, if someone is willing to let go, there can be hope —if you want it, you’ll keep it.
Be it a case of infidelity, financial struggles, violence, immaturity, family interference, poor health, infertility, or more; give it the best chance of survival and watch how patience can transform things. Before you cut that last string that is holding you both, ask yourselves: Have we done our best? Are there a few more other things we could try? Who are the ones to suffer for this action? Will I regret this in future?
If you can, give it another chance it doesn’t matter if have done it before; give as many chances as it requires and watch your inner strength and love grow.
…To be Continued