13th July, 2010
We have said so much about the relationship of women with in-laws. No doubt, a good number of in-laws are difficult to relate with. But like I always say, we are all in-laws in one way or the other. Whatever you sow, you reap.
But what about the issue of siblings in our homes? Just like the in-laws, siblings have torn many homes apart. Women most of the time get too attached to the siblings that it begins to affect their relationship with the man. Yes, I know you have to be close to your family (parents and siblings), but if you donâ€
When two people are joined together in holy matrimony, the priest always read the Bible passage that says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and the two shall become oneâ€. Is the Holy Scripture just referring to the man alone? Definitely no. The woman has to also leave the parents and siblings and become one with the man.
So many women pray for a disconnection of the man from his family when they are also very much attached to their own family. You know there are times we pray without understanding. You spend your time complaining about the man and his family members not allowing you to enjoy your home. Madam, are your own family members allowing you enjoy your home?
We have this understanding in the African society that anyone from the womanâ€
A girl I know very well got married and was childless for 8 years. The prayer contractors that surrounded her were quick to tell her what she wanted to hear: the mother-in-law was a witch. It was not until a genuine pastor revealed to her that her mother was behind her misery that her freedom came. The man told her that the mother must die if she would have a baby. They did a lot of things, and later the mother died. She conceived and today she is a mother of four.
I once attended a wedding where a woman gave her innocent daughter out in marriage to her lover. This she did just to hold on to the manâ€
Now to the issue at hand —your siblings. I believe so many people have gone through so much in the hands of their siblings. Some have been able to identify the source of their problems and make amends while others are still living in ignorance.
I once lived with a family friend while waiting for my JAMB result. Being very ignorant about the issues of life, this woman had so much going wrong in her home. Her husband will always come home during the day and take the sister to bed. Several times, I saw them cuddling. I really felt for her but there was nothing I could do.
Sometime in 2008, just a few houses away from my office, a woman travelled for summer with her kids. She sent the house help to stay with a friend while she was away but left her sister at home with the husband believing she would protect her interest. As this lady got back to Nigeria, she was locked out of the house with so many false accusations. The sister was already pregnant for the husband who bought her a brand new jeep even before the lady returned. This was how she lost her home.
Enough of the story of infidelity. Your siblings have contributed to your husbandâ€
I have seen siblings who will insult the man and his relations without the wife scolding her. I have watched some men enter the kitchen to serve their guests while madamâ€
Another reader called me to ask if it is wrong for the woman to gather her own people to come and beat up the husband. Trust me, I didnâ€
It also doesnâ€
So many women have the habit of discussing their husband with siblings. What do you want them to take the man for? Your marriage is with the man and no third party should come in. If you cannot keep calm and keep the manâ€
A friend once told me how he lost about ten designer shirts that were in his wardrobe. According to him, no relation came visiting. It was only when he later went on a visit to his in-laws that he saw his shirts hanging in the wardrobe. The wife suddenly became a thief in her own house. I donâ€
Your own family has the right to go to your pot, enter your husbandâ€
Why live a life of hatred and discrimination? Why should your husband train your own siblings in school only for you to stage a fight the moment he sends money to his sick mother? For how long will you continue to buy Italian shoes and handbags for your own sister only to remember you have to manage as a good wife whenever itâ€
I once heard a woman telling her female child never to go into the brother-in-lawâ€
Sisters have planned the death of their married sisters out of jealousy. You may not accept this truth, but your own sister may not be happy that you are the only one providing for them. You think she is happy when you tell her your experience during your last trip abroad. So many young girls have refused to get married because they want a man who will be able to help them stage a competition against their elder sister in terms of clothes, good cars, and holidays. To these ones, they deserve better things than their elder sister.
This article is not meant to stir up animosity between your family members and you. I write this for you to be able to make amends, become more alert and treat everybody equally. Once you get married to a man, the two families become one. You should be able to love your in-laws as much as you love your own people. This is the easiest way to get your husband to love and accept your own family.