23rd July, 2010
Children, how they add so much joy and flavour to our relationships! Most times married couples are not happy until they have a child under their roof and as parents, we struggle daily from the moment we wake up till we go to bed again just to be able to give them the best in life. Our lives revolve around the happiness and comfort of our children.
Like I told someone sometimes last year, take away wealth and other good things of life from me, but let me have my children with me. We so much love them that I wonder when I see people trade their childrenâ€™s comfort and joy for other things in life.
When I see mothers who are ready to let go of their children just for the frivolities of life, I ask to know if they did not go through the same pain and discomfort I went through for those 40 weeks.
I have seen children in some homes fight themselves just because the parents failed to raise them up the right way. Parents make the mistake of letting the kids know they love one more than the other. My children are very intelligent, they notice I have a soft spot for my first son that I feel some kind of pain when he is not happy. They always send him to get things from me knowing mummy canâ€™t say no, although sometimes I try to prove them wrong.
A day came that my second daughter and little son came to me to ask who among them is my pet and I thank God for the wisdom to deal with that situation. I instantly made them to understand that I love all of them equally and that put an end to that question in my home.
I believe Christians are conversant with the story of Joseph and his siblings in the Bible. In as much as we have a lot to learn from that story, I am also of the opinion that Jacob did not handle the situation very well. He failed to be in control of his emotions, he loved Rachael, Josephâ€™s mother more than Leah, his step mother and that same love flowed down to Joseph. You know the rest of the story and the pain it brought to Jacob.
What about Josephâ€™s grand parents, Isaac and Rebekkah? The mother loved Jacob more while the father loved Esau. It later led to hatred and battle between both sons. We have to avoid favouritism in the home, the children are to be loved equally and treated without sentiments to avoid unnecessary hatred and animosity in the future.
I have also found out that men tend to love their daughters and get closer to them than the boys, while the mothers are closer to their sons. This is very natural, but we must try to have things balanced and brought under control. So many men have lost out when it comes to relationship with their sons.
It is sad that in this 21st Century, some parents still make the mistake of letting their male and female children share the same bedroom. You do this believing they are kids from the same womb and therefore nothing will go wrong. You are wrong and still living in the past. Donâ€™t forget they are growing into puberty and will start having some kind of feelings that are even beyond them. Donâ€™t forget they will begin to try certain things they read in books or watch on television.
I recently heard a story from a friend about a brother and sister who were caught by their guests having sex every night while their parents have retired to their own room and sleep without knowing what was going on. The guests said every night, from their own room, they will be hearing some romantic words and movements.
We also heard a story about a boy who disflowered his two sisters. These are the kind of brothers that get too jealous whenever they see their sister with another man. They are not just trying to protect them, they are fighting to prevent another man from tasting their food.
Parents, please hear this, these boys and girls are growing up to become adults. Please, do everything you can to separate them into different rooms once they are seven. If they must sleep in the same room for lack of space, please make sure they have an adult there to monitor them. Even during the day, watch them when it comes to time spent together in an enclosed place. The devil is wicked and out to destroy our children.
Some of us go to work believing we have relations to take care of things in the home. Some of these relations are actually the source of the problems in our lives. You go out believing your brother or sister is with your children. Have you forgotten the story of Sandra of the Big Brother Nigeria? She openly told the world that it was her uncle who first abused her. According to her, this man would always put his hand in her private part whenever he was giving her a shower.
Stop believing it is only house maids that abuse children. That your sister you trust so much could be doing some funny things with your kids in your absence. I heard of a house maid who will always remove her clothes whenever the madam and oga are out. This one will tell the son to come and lick her vagina. This particular boy could not open up to tell the parents what was happening until he started having boil all over his mouth.
Your brother could be doing worse things to your daughter. I donâ€™t allow my children to stay in an enclosed place with a relation of the opposite sex. You leave your six-month old baby girl with your brother? I heard a story of a three-month old baby who was abused by a 65-year old man. I tell you, there is a spirit behind this particular act. Men lose control when they find themselves in this situation.
In some homes, we have fathers sleeping on the same bed with their daughters. I donâ€™t care to know how much in love he is with his daughter, this is absolutely wrong. I couldnâ€™t talk when I heard a woman saying in public that the daughter cannot sleep with any other person if not her dad. What a public show of ignorance! They claim to love their daughter so much when in actual fact they are just having carnal knowledge of her. The girl, sometimes begins to enjoy it and in cases where she doesnâ€™t, she finds herself in a very tight corner where she canâ€™t even open up to her mother.
Last week, we read about a woman who was sent to jail in the USA for sleeping with her son. Guys, a lot is happening these days. We really need to sit up and be smarter than ever. Some people depend just on prayer. Yes, there is great power in prayer and it changes things. But I want to tell you that the same Bible we read told us to be as wise as the serpent and wiser than this world. Stop allowing your lack of knowledge ruin your children.
Before now, you were guilty of this offence, but please from this moment, sit up and make those changes necessary. I advise people with children that are still very young to go for older nannies. These ones will let you know when anything is going wrong in your home. In fact, the lady taking care of my children now is like a mother to me too, she advises me and pampers all of us together.
The problem here is that most of us want someone we can treat any how. Women, due to lack of trust in their men, want to have a little girl of 10 years to take care of their children, but with what is happening these days, can you really avoid that if the man decides to do it?
When you have that young girl in your house, your husband may not even be the type that goes after house helps, but do you know that some of them bring in men and sometimes misbehave with other domestic staff in the presence of your children? They are growing up with this in mind. This is more reason you need to get closer to your children.
Children no longer enjoy just the parent-child relationship. They want you to become their friend and be able to tell you things just the way they do to their best friends. Daddies, stop the shouting and threats round the clock. Mummies, it is not all about the punishments and denials, they need to have more of you and your friendlyÂ approach to issues.