The Real Man

We have men all over the place. Some years back, census result revealed that we have more men than women in Nigeria. I don’t know how true that was and if it is still same. Every Nigerian woman prays to have a male child because we believe that we have no place in our husband’s house without a male child.

On having a male child, African parents don’t fail to remind their sons that they are men and should always act like such. From birth, a typical African man is taught never to shed tears. He is told not to laugh too much, while he is also taught not to get involved in house chores because we see those things as created for women.

The boys grow to become men with the mentality that there are certain things they shouldn’t do. This whole training has affected our relationships negatively. But for a man to be a real man, it is not about being macho, neither is it in pretences that all is well when it is not. I want you to come with me as we take a look at those traits that can make the woman in your life call you a real man.

Overcomes Feelings Of Inadequacy
This problem is all about male pride. Men tend to cover up their areas of weakness because they feel that the woman will start seeing him as a weakling. No, guys, you can never know it all. Don’t put up the ‘I am a man’ attitude every time. You can never be good in all areas. Let your woman know the area you are good and also take her into your area of weakness. The essence of a relationship with her is for her to come in and complement you.
Some guys have lost wonderful relationships in their effort to keep it through constant lies. Some men succeed in hiding their true nature and status and tricking a girl into marriage. I want you to know that the moment she gets to know the real you, that relationship comes to an end. Yes, she may still be there with you, but as far as she is concerned, the relationship is over.

Real Men Are Not Self-Centred
A good number of Nigerian men are self-centered. There are different areas you can manifest self-centeredness:
Sex life: I did my best to talk with people; male and female and get their views when it comes to sex in marriages. I can tell you without sentiments that a good number of women are not satisfied sexually. So many women, although still with their husbands, regret having anything to do with them and this is one reason we have so much infidelity in our society.
Just yesterday, I heard a story from a friend who is a marriage counsellor, about a woman who went begging a man to make love to her. According to this helpless woman, she gives her husband so much time in bed, doing all she knows how to do just to get him sexually satisfied. The man will always ask her to suck him and that she does with every gladness. But when it is her turn to be sucked, the man reminds her that there are things a chief like him shouldn’t do. Isn’t this the peak of selfishness? How can any reasonable man carry a title into his matrimonial bed?
This man is not the only one guilty of this grievous offence against the marriage institution. So many Nigerian women are going through this same problem. I once attended a conference where I spoke on sex in marriage. From the few questions I asked during the conference, I can tell you that so many Nigerian ladies hear and read about orgasm, but they have never experienced it. Isn’t it sad that we see women do a lot of stupid things? They even go after pornography movies just to know how to please their man, but the men on their own part see women as nothing but a sex object without feelings.
Let’s look at self-centeredness in the other areas of life. A man goes to work in the morning and later on goes to a joint to hang out with friends. He does this almost on a daily basis without thinking of the woman he kept at home. The woman sits all through the day without his company and at night, when she should have him, he is too busy with his friends to notice her yearning for companionship. I don’t know about other Nigerian women, but give me the whole world, it is nothing without enough attention from the man and a good companionship.
A real man cannot be seen driving an SUV while the woman moves around town in his old, rickety vehicle. It is a very wicked thing for a man to leave an old vehicle for his wife while he cruises around town in a very clean, air-conditioned car. If you are not self-centered, if you really love that woman as you claim, you will think of her safety. You will also not allow her get stranded on the Third Mainland Bridge as a result of the jalopy car you gave her. Some men even do it to the point that their own children are affected. Some leave standing orders for their wife not to use their own car (you probably don’t want your girlfriends to identify her with your car). Please, change this deadly attitude.

Real Men Cry
Crying does not make you a weak man, rather, it makes you a real man. There is nothing so touching and heart-breaking than a woman seeing you cry. It shows a man who is really in love with her and understands the ABC of a relationship. It makes your woman see you as a man who has nothing to hide and wants her to see his heart. It makes your woman feel loved and wanted. Guys, crying releases tension. Throw away this archaic mentality that tells you crying is strictly for women.

Real Men Apologise
I was once in a relationship with a guy who never saw anything wrong in his actions. For years, I was the only one apologising even when I was the wronged. This same guy went behind me and had a baby without apologies. When I got the news through my kid brother, he never apologised. All he did was leave the house to get my brother locked up in a police cell for three days. As a good woman, I still covered that up just to protect his image. To this man, money is everything, I am from a very godly background and my parents were not wrethched, at least, we had more than enough to eat and give out. He saw himself as my source of comfort and therefore, his slave. This is the case in most Nigerian homes.
A good number of Nigerian men believe apologising makes them weak and our culture also hasn’t helped matters. But guys, when you have a little regard for your woman, you will apologise. Most men apologise indirectly through gifts like my uncle who, knowing his wife loves grilled chicken, buys the stuff whenever he offends her. But there is nothing as soothing and as sexy as you giving your woman a kiss when she is hurt and saying “honey, I am sorry.” This makes her feel respected and it strengthens the bond between the two of you.

Real Men Are Neat
Women will be happier if they can see their man neater. It doesn’t take anything off you having a bath before jumping into bed at night. It also helps brushing your teeth after eating all the nkwobi and beer. Men are always looking for a very neat woman who can keep the home clean, but most importantly, her body. Some guys believe they don’t need too much washing of their private part simply because there is no opening. Please, save your woman the stress of constantly placed on antibiotics and vaginal creams as a result of itching and discharge. Try to always wash very well your private part. Also, clear that bush under your armpit.

Real Men Have Conversations
There is so much communication gap in our relationships and this has left men and women believing whatever they choose to know about the other person. I don’t really blame the African couple because so many of us grew up in homes where all we saw was fight and commands. We grew up not knowing what it is to sit and have a conversation with our parents and siblings without fighting. This, we have carried into our relationships as adults.
But we really have to change and make the right choice. Most times, men go on as if nothing is happening while they have their own mindset when it comes to women. Some men are just too good in reading people and all they see is negative. Learn to discuss issues and with all love, make her see reason with you.
I am sure if you can do all what you have just read, our relationships will be heaven on earth. As women, we want to get to that point in our homes where men begin to treat us not as slaves, but as partners. We want to see them love us like never before and treat us as weaker vessels that we are. They say women are very difficult to please, but I can tell you that they are very easy going. It takes a real man to bring out the best in a woman. I am a perfect example of what I am talking about. It took a real man to make me what I am today and I will forever be grateful to God for him.