24th August, 2010
Women had a nice time reading my article on men and their house help. So many called to confirm the reality of the instances given. I donâ€™t frame stories for my columns, it is all true.
We now live in such a time when women and in fact, every household find it difficult to exist without a house help and this has nothing to do with how big you live. It is sad that so many women treat their domestic staff as though they are not human beings. I really feel bad when I see some homes where a very old man is treated like a piece of rag and shouted at over every little mistake. It is so bad that we have forgotten there is what we call the law of karma. My heart bled the day I was in a friendâ€™s house and heard her call her gate man an old fool. If you are one of those who donâ€™t respect gray hair, please have it mind that you will not see such on your head.
Yes, they are our servants, they make mistakes and can sometimes be very funny, but please, correct them with all respect. In fact, there are some old people I cannot employ to work for me. I will rather give them the money and not stress them.
Then we go to the issue of the ones we call â€œhouse helps.â€ You go to the village or possibly through an agent to get a little girl as a help. It is sad how these agents now give out these girls without considering their happiness and safety, all they are interested in is the money they earn.
Okay, the girl has come to stay with you. I wonder what makes you look at a small girl that is younger than your own daughter and then decide to make life miserable for her. How can you keep a 10-year old girl at home just to look after your child? So many women have cut short glorious future. I always tell people to make themselves agents of change.
It is different when you get a mature girl who has decided where she wants to be in life. But it shouldnâ€™t be so with a small girl. Please, get that girl into school and she will ever be grateful to you. Some women have cane at home, just for their house helps. You beat the girl every day, what has she done wrong? You go to bed at night and sleep off without knowing that the little girl stays awake crying unto God for judgement. You may not be a Christian, but the Bible says if you are one of those wicked women, God will kill you and make your children motherless so that they can go through what your house help is going through.
Who told you that your house girl cannot wear any other hairstyle other than didi and gorimapa? You know why you do this? You donâ€™t want her to take over your husband. Fine, but madam, donâ€™t you know she protects your interest more when you love her? I know there are men who are nothing but dogs, but my dear, there are still so many decent men around, who will never wish to have anything to do with your house girl, but for your lazy attitude.
Your house girl has suddenly become the mother of the house. You leave the house early in the morning before the family wakes up and then return after their bedtime. This may sound strange, but a lot of women, especially female bankers, have lost relationship with their children. Some children now call their mother aunty.
I see some kids in school and have heard teachers complain about some mothers who donâ€™t even care to know how the child is doing in school. They often come up with the excuse that their job does not give them time for their family. Woman, money making woman, what shall it profit you to gain all the money and promotions only to lose your children at the end of it all? I can never trade my children for anything in this world because they are the only priceless assets I have.
It is not the duty of your house help to clean ogaâ€™s room. I can allow my help clean my husbandâ€™s room only when I am extremely down, but I must be there to supervise the cleaning. When you have your nails too long that you cannot even wash your husbandâ€™s underwear, what do you expect? Stop putting the innocent girl through unnecessary torture because of the fear of losing your husband to her. Get up and take your place as wife and mother.
When was the last time you went to the market to buy foodstuff? When was the last time your husband ate food prepared by his wife? It has got so bad that almost every woman wants to have a cook in her house. Most of them do it just to cover up their inability to cook well. Hiring a Calabar boy as cook does not make you a good mother and wife. If you are a Christian, please read Proverbs 31 to see the qualities of a virtuous woman.
A lot is happening between women and their male domestic staff. I recently heard a story of a serving senator who got her cook locked up in police cell for refusing to sleep with her. This woman falsely accused this young man of stealing her jewellery. Trust Nigerian police, without proper investigation, the boy was thrown into cell and it took the help of some spirited members of the public to get him out. It was only when they visited him in the police cell that he opened up. This boy confessed to sleeping with madam whenever oga was out. He was her favourite as long as he serviced her. But the boy later decided to change from his evil ways.
Some drivers have virtually become â€œassistant oga.â€ I pity men who send their drivers as spies to watch over their wives as such person could be the enemy of your home. Also, be careful when your driver is the only one taking your female children to school. I have seen a driver who takes tips from the madamâ€™s daughter just for taking her to her boyfriendâ€™s house before taking her home. Please, be more watchful than you are.
Be careful how you treat your domestic staff because your life, to a large extent, is in their hands. Your security man can decide to bring robbers into your house, your cook can be tempted into poisoning your food and your nanny can decide to do anything to your baby when you donâ€™t treat them well.
Quit this habit of making your house help go to school late. I see some little girls every morning entering the school compound as late as 10 a.m. and get beaten and punished in school daily because of you. Let that girl have time to study her books.
The last girl that lived with me was in my house for nine years. She attended a private school and got to a point that I engaged a private teacher for her and today, she is about going to the university. Tell me why the spirit of that young girl will not bless me.
Whoever is in your house should leave your house better than he or she came. God has not blessed you to torture and intimidate people, rather He has blessed you to become a blessing to people around you. Some women donâ€™t even remember the parents of the girl living with them. Have you ever thought of sending gifts to them? I do that constantly. I buy rice, wrappers and other things with money for them. Once you pick that girl from that poor family, your blessing should flow into their home.
My house help has the right to beat my children and correct them when they are wrong. It is only when you make them become a part of your family that you see the best in them. When I went through trial and very tough time years back, both my house help and driver stood by me. They didnâ€™t stay with me because I had things to give them, but because I had made an impact in their lives. My driver, till today, tells people I made him what he is today and while my house help then is now on her own, she finds time to come and say hello and still enters my kitchen to do things for me.
Woman, you are created to be a mother, please make yourself one to all. Let everyone that comes around you feel the sweetness of love, true love.