8th October, 2010
The rate at which young people desire and fantasise marriage is getting pretty alarming.Â They live and do almost everything with the consciousness of attracting a marriageÂ partner. Their conversation mostly starts or ends with love/marriage, yet, not all end upÂ married and happy.
Paula and Ivy attended the same secondary school. It was a day school and students wereÂ expected to go home after each school day. Strolling home was so much fun to theÂ students, who would have had the whole day within the four walls of the classroom andÂ closing was time to gist and make fun of what transpired throughout the day at school.
But Paula was never part of this fun because she was always taken home in her fatherâ€™sÂ car. Nevertheless, Ivy kept her informed about the latest gossip and gist going round theÂ school and this made her miss the group even more.
Already, Paula had a lifestyle mapped out for her by the parents which she didnâ€™t likeÂ anyway, but unconsciously, she grew up to adopt this pattern of secluded life and theÂ reality of this caught up with her when she suddenly realised that almost all her friendsÂ were either married or engaged.
Questions started coming: Why is â€˜Mr. Rightâ€™ not yet here? Are you not thinking ofÂ settling down to a family life at all? You are not getting younger, you know. Donâ€™t beÂ choosy, just marry â€˜Mr. Availableâ€™ because time waits for no one.
So many people would have thought Paula was a terrible girl for her to be single for thatÂ long and instead of apportioning blames to her parents and circumstances, she simply keptÂ telling people â€œIâ€™m not married because I have not found the love of my life. Once I meetÂ him, weâ€™ll get going and even if I have to wait forever, I donâ€™t mind.â€
Almost every woman or man who feels there is a delay in marriage tries to link it to oneÂ kind of problem or another. For some, the accusing finger is pointed towards a previousÂ disappointment, while others feel all the time was spent taking care of their siblings.Â Funny enough, some people go as far as thinking that God is unfair to them, but in allÂ these excuses, they fail to see the good aspect of being single.
I will not stop telling singles that it is not a crime to be single, it is a phase ofÂ life which comes and goes if it will, so enjoy it while it lasts.
Marriage on its own does not make you happy, but you carry the joy you have built throughÂ the years to share with others. I donâ€™t ever know where people got the impression thatÂ you are not complete until you are married. No, you are a complete individual with a mindÂ and character, waiting to release your potentials to complement your spouse. This doesÂ not in any way suggest that marriage is bad, rather, you donâ€™t need to kill yourself ifÂ it doesnâ€™t happen when you expect it.
The way you handle â€˜singlenessâ€™ simply tells the true value you have for yourself. ThereÂ is no need to be withdrawn, unfriendly, cantankerous and irritable simply because youÂ feel life has not treated you well.
There Are A Lot Of Things You Can Do While Single
Let it be clear that being single is not necessarily a problem, except for singles whoÂ desire to marry and allow the reactions of others to make them feel second class.
There Are Clear Advantages Of Singleness
â€¢Swift Decision Making: It is far easier and faster to make decisions when you are singleÂ because you have not many peopleâ€™s interest (husband and children) to take intoÂ consideration. There was a time I was supposed to go on holiday but I couldnâ€™t because myÂ children had to wait till the end of the term to be able to join me. So, my plans mustÂ accommodate and represent the interest of the whole family.
â€¢Greater Privacy: Single men and women, in most cases, have the luxury of privacy. TheyÂ can conceive and execute their plans just the way they favour them. They have enough timeÂ to think and be creative, rest and manage their time effectively.
â€¢Commitment: The level of commitment you get from a single fellow both at work andÂ religious involvement is supposedly higher than their married counterparts. Singles feelÂ more free to spend long hours outside the home without having to explain reasons toÂ people.
â€¢Choice Of Friendship: You can only get along with the people you appreciate as friends,Â but this is not always the case with the married. While singles select and hang out withÂ people of their choice, the married do more by accommodating friends brought by theirÂ spouses and children. There is a particular name my son keeps calling each time he talksÂ about his school. At a point, I had to take time out to see who this name represented. IÂ know very little about the boyâ€™s background but I have to play along with the name for myÂ sonâ€™s sake.
â€¢Self Development: This comes both in character/personality building and furtherÂ education. The best time to evaluate oneâ€™s values and make amends is before you getÂ married. You can take some time to work on your weaknesses and see how others can beÂ comfortable around you. It is much easier to concentrate and get the best out of studiesÂ when family life has not yet commenced.
â€œI have been single, now Iâ€™m married, the most important advice Iâ€™ll give to all isÂ create your own happiness any where you find yourself, after all, there are a lot ofÂ married people who wish they never were, while a huge number of singles are itching toÂ share their intimacy with others.