Single For Long



The rate at which young people desire and fantasise marriage is getting pretty alarming.  They live and do almost everything with the consciousness of attracting a marriage  partner. Their conversation mostly starts or ends with love/marriage, yet, not all end up  married and happy.

Paula and Ivy attended the same secondary school. It was a day school and students were  expected to go home after each school day. Strolling home was so much fun to the  students, who would have had the whole day within the four walls of the classroom and  closing was time to gist and make fun of what transpired throughout the day at school.

But Paula was never part of this fun because she was always taken home in her father’s  car. Nevertheless, Ivy kept her informed about the latest gossip and gist going round the  school and this made her miss the group even more.

Already, Paula had a lifestyle mapped out for her by the parents which she didn’t like  anyway, but unconsciously, she grew up to adopt this pattern of secluded life and the  reality of this caught up with her when she suddenly realised that almost all her friends  were either married or engaged.

Questions started coming: Why is ‘Mr. Right’ not yet here? Are you not thinking of  settling down to a family life at all? You are not getting younger, you know. Don’t be  choosy, just marry ‘Mr. Available’ because time waits for no one.

So many people would have thought Paula was a terrible girl for her to be single for that  long and instead of apportioning blames to her parents and circumstances, she simply kept  telling people “I’m not married because I have not found the love of my life. Once I meet  him, we’ll get going and even if I have to wait forever, I don’t mind.”

Almost every woman or man who feels there is a delay in marriage tries to link it to one  kind of problem or another. For some, the accusing finger is pointed towards a previous  disappointment, while others feel all the time was spent taking care of their siblings.  Funny enough, some people go as far as thinking that God is unfair to them, but in all  these excuses, they fail to see the good aspect of being single.

I will not stop telling singles that it is not a crime to be single, it is a phase of  life which comes and goes if it will, so enjoy it while it lasts.

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Marriage on its own does not make you happy, but you carry the joy you have built through  the years to share with others. I don’t ever know where people got the impression that  you are not complete until you are married. No, you are a complete individual with a mind  and character, waiting to release your potentials to complement your spouse. This does  not in any way suggest that marriage is bad, rather, you don’t need to kill yourself if  it doesn’t happen when you expect it.

The way you handle ‘singleness’ simply tells the true value you have for yourself. There  is no need to be withdrawn, unfriendly, cantankerous and irritable simply because you  feel life has not treated you well.

There Are A Lot Of Things You Can Do While Single
Let it be clear that being single is not necessarily a problem, except for singles who  desire to marry and allow the reactions of others to make them feel second class.

There Are Clear Advantages Of Singleness
•Swift Decision Making: It is far easier and faster to make decisions when you are single  because you have not many people’s interest (husband and children) to take into  consideration. There was a time I was supposed to go on holiday but I couldn’t because my  children had to wait till the end of the term to be able to join me. So, my plans must  accommodate and represent the interest of the whole family.

•Greater Privacy: Single men and women, in most cases, have the luxury of privacy. They  can conceive and execute their plans just the way they favour them. They have enough time  to think and be creative, rest and manage their time effectively.

•Commitment: The level of commitment you get from a single fellow both at work and  religious involvement is supposedly higher than their married counterparts. Singles feel  more free to spend long hours outside the home without having to explain reasons to  people.

•Choice Of Friendship: You can only get along with the people you appreciate as friends,  but this is not always the case with the married. While singles select and hang out with  people of their choice, the married do more by accommodating friends brought by their  spouses and children. There is a particular name my son keeps calling each time he talks  about his school. At a point, I had to take time out to see who this name represented. I  know very little about the boy’s background but I have to play along with the name for my  son’s sake.

•Self Development: This comes both in character/personality building and further  education. The best time to evaluate one’s values and make amends is before you get  married. You can take some time to work on your weaknesses and see how others can be  comfortable around you. It is much easier to concentrate and get the best out of studies  when family life has not yet commenced.
“I have been single, now I’m married, the most important advice I’ll give to all is  create your own happiness any where you find yourself, after all, there are a lot of  married people who wish they never were, while a huge number of singles are itching to  share their intimacy with others.

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