15th October, 2010
Working on this topic has given me great fun as I have had the opportunity to share in other peopleâ€™s views about marriage and why it is still desired by mostÂ people despite its challenges.
I practically spoke to women and men who have been married for a while, trying to get their peculiar experiences and the string that is holding them on.
One of the most incredible answers I got was when a woman said â€œif you are single, it means all the slippers and the puppy will destroy belong to you.â€
I am sure she was just being funny but it meant so much to me as I took my mind back to when my children spent some time in my family house during holidays and I kept buying new slippers because the old ones kept outside were never found.
At a point, I screamed for help as I could not possibly imagine where the footwear disappeared to. It was then the house attendant laughed and pointed to the dogs; oh, my God, I never knew dogs loved eating slippers. Donâ€™t ask me why because I have no clue.
Now, could this serve as a reason for some people to remain under the same roof? Letâ€™s find out more reasons why spouses stick together, for better, for worse…
Complement: Without any pretence, it is time to admit one good reason for staying married is the beauty of having someone to fill that part of you which could have been dangling out of place. This does not, in anyway, suggest you should act as mummy or daddy to your spouse, no. I am not sure most people would like that. What, in my opinion would be appreciated, come in the shape of being supportive to cover up your spouseâ€™s weaknesses.
We all have areas of life we are good at and these we use to complement others. Having good memory of people and events could be a great asset to a union.
Katie, as I chose to call her, saved the day in her home when their first son turned ten. They were not given to loud birthday parties but her husband had earlier planned to give the boy a big time as he turned ten.
Their son was not expecting much but Katie knew she had agreed with dad to stun the birthday boy but to her greatest surprise, the husband never mentioned anything again about the birthday.
Katie knew he would possibly have forgotten about his plans but decided to go ahead, make plans for the big day. A day to the surprise birthday, her husband asked if they could all drive down to see his parents, then Katie opened her hand bag, brought out an invitation to their sonâ€™s party.
The husband felt so guilty and irresponsible, but she told him it was really a joy for her to fix the surprise not only for their son, but for him also. The party went well and her husband never stopped telling people it was all her idea.
If you use your strength to help each other, the union will definitely be sweeter. This does not mean that we canâ€™t live without our spouse but life is better together.
Commitment: People seem to be getting divorce at the drop of a hat. We really do not know whether to associate this with the problems in the society or just relationship issues dragging us down. To me, marriage is basically commitment and it seems this is why vow is brought in as part of the deal.
The vow should, in no way, be seen as blackmail or trap, rather, it should encourage us to do our best to make it work. Fortunately, most people take the positive route, reminding themselves what they started should not be discarded midway.
Emotional Support: Humans are emotional creatures with women on the heavier balance of it. We are wired to seek comfort and praise from loved ones. Just being there for your husband or wife is enough to soothe in times of pain. A shoulder to cry on or someone to show love could have saved some of the cases worldwide. Being there means showing love.
Statistics: Show that married people live longer than their single counterparts. Thinking that this could be true is the joy of sharing your problems and difficult times. Having a loved one by your side when going through challenges could make a whole lot of difference.
Finance: Considering the weight of two sources of income compared to one is really amazing. This should not be the primary reason for leaving and cleaving with another but the truth is that if you both generate income, it would make you want to keep up together for ever. This again depends on the setting of your family.
In the Western world, where mothers are encouraged to take some time off work to make and raise babies, making substantial financial contribution by the woman could be affected at the early stage of marriage, when children are still young.
Whatever your contribution, if your family is better for it, you have done well.
Companionship: I purposely delayed this till now as its relevance is most felt later in life too. The early years of romantic fantasies gradually give way to the true need of marriageâ€”companionship.
When bringing up children, it is fabulous to know there is someone by your side to share in all the sides of childrenâ€™s growth but when they grow and leave home, you now realise there is more trouble facing old age without a spouse.
Unfortunately, people also marry or stay married for the wrong reasons, letâ€™s be sure we are not married because of what we can get out of the other person.