Possessive Men

Guys, I know you won’t find today’s article funny. This topic is being treated today  by popular demand. I was surprised when I went through my mails and saw my readers  coming up with topics they want me to write on. This topic came top on the list. The  amazing thing is that most of the requests came from my male readers. Thanks guys.

It is expected that when you are in love with a woman, there will be some element of  jealousy. The Holy Scriptures make us to know that God Himself is a jealous God.  This is one verse people have often used to defend themselves when they are accused  of being possessive. Yes God is a jealous God, but there is wisdom in Him. He also  does not hinder us from getting everything good because of jealousy. His own kind of  jealousy is totally different from what we practice.

Nigerian men have first class degree when it comes to possessiveness. Guys,  possessiveness is not love. Men have stopped so many good things from happening to  their wives simply because of their selfish love. So many Nigerians suffer from this  terrible disease called low self-esteem. It has nothing to do with your level of  education and exposure. It is more of a psychological problem that should be  carefully dealt with.

Some are also suffering from this because of their lifestyle. So many men have at  one time or the other had a secret affair with their friends or relations wives.  Some of them are still into it and because of that, they feel that no woman is to be  trusted. I have seen men confide so much in their friends without knowing they are  the major source of the problem. My people say that a man who kills by the sword  does not allow the sword pass by him. This is your problem. You are making an  innocent woman suffer from your reckless lifestyle. Please give her a break!

Men have killed their wives just because they are jealous and possessive. Men have  destroyed their homes due to this very problem. Men have sent assassins to kill  their wives because of this same issue. Women who were created to be great are being  held bound to the ground by their possessive men.

Once a possessive jealous man finds a woman, he does not believe he can keep her. He  believes that this woman will be taken from him by another man. This is largely due  to lack of confidence, low self-esteem, limited or no self respect. This man does  not believe he deserves to have the woman.

Now let us look at some of the traits of possessive men:

CALLS:
A man who is suffering from this disease calls the woman almost every hour if not  every twenty minutes. You are doing this making the woman believe it is because you  love her so much, but I have always told people whenever I speak at youth  conferences, to run away from any man or woman who exhibits such traits because they  will be miserable if they eventually get married to that person. I was once in a  relationship where I was made to pick calls even when I have clients sitting right  in front of me in the office. I must run out with my phone before the calls go off.  If I don’t pick immediately, I would receive the beating of my life that day as the  next thing is the conclusion that a man was with you. There is nothing as  frustrating as this as the woman finds herself struggling in a relationship that  should be enjoyed.
A friend recently told me a story of a girl who was in a relationship with a man who  would call to find out where she is. He would get the girl to give the phone to her  mother and siblings before he could believe her. He would ask the girl to turn on  the television at home, do so many crazy things before he could believe her. This  same man got married to this young girl, left her in Nigeria and was living in the  UK with his oyibo. You live abroad, sleep with different kinds of women and the poor  girl is here waiting endlessly for you in all sincerity yet you won’t let her be.
A man who is afflicted by this disease will always want to know who the woman is  talking to at all times. Even when the woman smiles and laughs on the phone, wahala  dey. The possessive jealous man will always pick up his woman’s phone and scroll  through contacts and call log. You are just making yourself a fool because the woman  can decide to have the name in her head or possibly store it with a female name. You  know what; women who play this game are smarter than you are. I heard the story of a  woman who whenever the boyfriend calls in the presence of the man, will call him a  female name. Stop punishing your woman for nothing.

CONTROL:
A possessive guy will try to control every area of your life. He will go out of his  way to buy you the best cars, clothes, give you the best holiday trips, but without  peace. I keep wondering why men will buy stylish clothes for their wives and instead  of being happy and proud of her when she wears them, trouble starts. Why buy the  clothes when all you want is for her to wear them and sit right before you. When  people admire your wife, you should walk with your shoulders high and not for you to  start being unnecessarily jealous. If you do what you should do as a man, nobody can  take your wife away. But the issue is that a good number of Nigerian men equate love  with material things only.

Mr Control Freak will be the one to choose friends for his wife and even when she is  with them, he won’t give her breathing space. Please give your woman some time to  socialize with her friends. Some men even go the extent of wanting to follow their  woman to visit her friends and go to other mundane places. Sir, this is not love.

You don’t reason well when it comes to emotional matters. You cannot sit down to  discuss issues with your woman because of your low self-esteem. You are aggressive  and display an unreasonable attitude to minor details. Please go and work on  yourself.

You don’t trust your wife, not because she is unfaithful, but because of your own  problem of insecurity. I was once in a relationship where I always prayed not to be  admired by any man. Even when a total stranger is looking at me in church, there was  problem waiting for me at home as I must explain why the man, who I wouldn’t even  notice, was looking at me. I started losing my male clients because I was always  nervous whenever I attend to them as I wasn’t sure of what would happen the next  minute.

A woman once lamented to me how her man will always accuse her of having sex with  another man whenever she rushes into the bathroom to ease herself on getting back  from work. The man comes into the bathroom and asks her to give him her pant and  open her legs for him to feel it. Isn’t this the peak of emotional abuse? Thank God  she is out of that hell of a relationship with such a demon possessed man.

Some other possessive men will always encourage their wives to gain weight as they  believe no other man will admire them if they are big. You are deceiving yourself  because no matter what a woman looks like, there is a man who will always admire  something about her. You know you like them slim, but you are helping destroy your  relationship because of your very selfish nature.

Most possessive men tell their wives not to bother working as they have more than  enough to take care of her. This is why I pity women who just sit at home idle  because according to them, daddy doesn’t want them to work. Please release your wife  and let her move on in life.

Even religious leaders who preach against this thing find it difficult to practice.  They would rather use their PA for things that their wives should do. Sir; you are  using your PA because her husband released her.

Some go to their wives work place to spy and see how she relates with her clients.  Women have lost their jobs and customers because the men have refused to grow up. I  know a family that is suffering now, not because there is no job for them, but  because of the man’s ego problem. The girl is from a very influential family and  because of that her father’s people are ready to give her contracts. But she has not  gotten it because whenever they ask her to come to Abuja, the man who they don’t  even know will ask her to sit back at home and have him go because he is the man.  This is what has kept them down.

There is this mentality now among Nigerian men that a woman must sleep with a man to  get a favour. This is absolutely untrue. Believe in your woman for once and give her  every support she needs to go higher in life. Make her your best friend and she will  never hide anything from you. Whatever you cannot achieve the way of peace, you can  never achieve it through crisis. This is very true in relationships. Push that woman  too hard, she becomes a monster and the moment she becomes one, you would wish you  never knew her.

Stop using material things to quantify love and care. There is more to love than  just material things. It worked for our parents because that was the way it was done  in their time. It is done differently now. Your wife sees how her friend’s husband  treats her. She sees how well your brother relates with his wife. Do you think she  does not want her own man to treat her that same way?

A friend told me how much her husband enjoys it whenever she has a new baby and goes  out with the baby. We couldn’t help laughing when we analysed the whole situation  and saw the ignorance of men. A woman, even when you lock her in the room, will  always do whatever she wants to do. I once wrote about a pregnant woman who  travelled with me on the same flight outside the country and ended up sleeping with  another man even with the pregnancy. Most men end up pushing their wives out with  their two hands.

A word, they say, is enough for the wise. Please save yourself the stress and  cardiac arrest that comes with too much monitoring of your wife. You are losing  flesh and having sleepless nights because of your mind-set. Your wife is not  cheating, it is your mind that is cheating and playing games on you.

We always condemn female celebrities when the marriages break up. I agree most of  them are unfaithful, but there are still so many nice ones who still lose their  relationships simply because the man cannot cope with their stardom. You were so  happy getting married to a celebrity that you flaunted her all over the place. But  the moment your friends begin to say negative things about her or her colleagues,  she becomes your worse enemy. There is a price to be paid for every promotion in  life. If you want to get married to a celebrity, please get more matured and know  there are days you will wake up to see her picture with false negative stories on  the front pages of magazines.

I want you to become the kind of man who will do everything possible to see his wife  on top. Rejoice when she is promoted to the position of a manager or she becomes a  legislator. Those great women you respect and admire outside have men in their lives  encouraging them to aim for the highest places.

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