5th November, 2010
Guys, I know you wonâ€™t find todayâ€™s article funny. This topic is being treated todayÂ by popular demand. I was surprised when I went through my mails and saw my readersÂ coming up with topics they want me to write on. This topic came top on the list. TheÂ amazing thing is that most of the requests came from my male readers. Thanks guys.
It is expected that when you are in love with a woman, there will be some element ofÂ jealousy. The Holy Scriptures make us to know that God Himself is a jealous God.Â This is one verse people have often used to defend themselves when they are accusedÂ of being possessive. Yes God is a jealous God, but there is wisdom in Him. He alsoÂ does not hinder us from getting everything good because of jealousy. His own kind ofÂ jealousy is totally different from what we practice.
Nigerian men have first class degree when it comes to possessiveness. Guys,Â possessiveness is not love. Men have stopped so many good things from happening toÂ their wives simply because of their selfish love. So many Nigerians suffer from thisÂ terrible disease called low self-esteem. It has nothing to do with your level ofÂ education and exposure. It is more of a psychological problem that should beÂ carefully dealt with.
Some are also suffering from this because of their lifestyle. So many men have atÂ one time or the other had a secret affair with their friends or relations wives.Â Some of them are still into it and because of that, they feel that no woman is to beÂ trusted. I have seen men confide so much in their friends without knowing they areÂ the major source of the problem. My people say that a man who kills by the swordÂ does not allow the sword pass by him. This is your problem. You are making anÂ innocent woman suffer from your reckless lifestyle. Please give her a break!
Men have killed their wives just because they are jealous and possessive. Men haveÂ destroyed their homes due to this very problem. Men have sent assassins to killÂ their wives because of this same issue. Women who were created to be great are beingÂ held bound to the ground by their possessive men.
Once a possessive jealous man finds a woman, he does not believe he can keep her. HeÂ believes that this woman will be taken from him by another man. This is largely dueÂ to lack of confidence, low self-esteem, limited or no self respect. This man doesÂ not believe he deserves to have the woman.
Now let us look at some of the traits of possessive men:
A man who is suffering from this disease calls the woman almost every hour if notÂ every twenty minutes. You are doing this making the woman believe it is because youÂ love her so much, but I have always told people whenever I speak at youthÂ conferences, to run away from any man or woman who exhibits such traits because theyÂ will be miserable if they eventually get married to that person. I was once in aÂ relationship where I was made to pick calls even when I have clients sitting rightÂ in front of me in the office. I must run out with my phone before the calls go off.Â If I donâ€™t pick immediately, I would receive the beating of my life that day as theÂ next thing is the conclusion that a man was with you. There is nothing asÂ frustrating as this as the woman finds herself struggling in a relationship thatÂ should be enjoyed.
A friend recently told me a story of a girl who was in a relationship with a man whoÂ would call to find out where she is. He would get the girl to give the phone to herÂ mother and siblings before he could believe her. He would ask the girl to turn onÂ the television at home, do so many crazy things before he could believe her. ThisÂ same man got married to this young girl, left her in Nigeria and was living in theÂ UK with his oyibo. You live abroad, sleep with different kinds of women and the poorÂ girl is here waiting endlessly for you in all sincerity yet you wonâ€™t let her be.
A man who is afflicted by this disease will always want to know who the woman isÂ talking to at all times. Even when the woman smiles and laughs on the phone, wahalaÂ dey. The possessive jealous man will always pick up his womanâ€™s phone and scrollÂ through contacts and call log. You are just making yourself a fool because the womanÂ can decide to have the name in her head or possibly store it with a female name. YouÂ know what; women who play this game are smarter than you are. I heard the story of aÂ woman who whenever the boyfriend calls in the presence of the man, will call him aÂ female name. Stop punishing your woman for nothing.
A possessive guy will try to control every area of your life. He will go out of hisÂ way to buy you the best cars, clothes, give you the best holiday trips, but withoutÂ peace. I keep wondering why men will buy stylish clothes for their wives and insteadÂ of being happy and proud of her when she wears them, trouble starts. Why buy theÂ clothes when all you want is for her to wear them and sit right before you. WhenÂ people admire your wife, you should walk with your shoulders high and not for you toÂ start being unnecessarily jealous. If you do what you should do as a man, nobody canÂ take your wife away. But the issue is that a good number of Nigerian men equate loveÂ with material things only.
Mr Control Freak will be the one to choose friends for his wife and even when she isÂ with them, he wonâ€™t give her breathing space. Please give your woman some time toÂ socialize with her friends. Some men even go the extent of wanting to follow theirÂ woman to visit her friends and go to other mundane places. Sir, this is not love.
You donâ€™t reason well when it comes to emotional matters. You cannot sit down toÂ discuss issues with your woman because of your low self-esteem. You are aggressiveÂ and display an unreasonable attitude to minor details. Please go and work onÂ yourself.
You donâ€™t trust your wife, not because she is unfaithful, but because of your ownÂ problem of insecurity. I was once in a relationship where I always prayed not to beÂ admired by any man. Even when a total stranger is looking at me in church, there wasÂ problem waiting for me at home as I must explain why the man, who I wouldnâ€™t evenÂ notice, was looking at me. I started losing my male clients because I was alwaysÂ nervous whenever I attend to them as I wasnâ€™t sure of what would happen the nextÂ minute.
A woman once lamented to me how her man will always accuse her of having sex withÂ another man whenever she rushes into the bathroom to ease herself on getting backÂ from work. The man comes into the bathroom and asks her to give him her pant andÂ open her legs for him to feel it. Isnâ€™t this the peak of emotional abuse? Thank GodÂ she is out of that hell of a relationship with such a demon possessed man.
Some other possessive men will always encourage their wives to gain weight as theyÂ believe no other man will admire them if they are big. You are deceiving yourselfÂ because no matter what a woman looks like, there is a man who will always admireÂ something about her. You know you like them slim, but you are helping destroy yourÂ relationship because of your very selfish nature.
Most possessive men tell their wives not to bother working as they have more thanÂ enough to take care of her. This is why I pity women who just sit at home idleÂ because according to them, daddy doesnâ€™t want them to work. Please release your wifeÂ and let her move on in life.
Even religious leaders who preach against this thing find it difficult to practice.Â They would rather use their PA for things that their wives should do. Sir; you areÂ using your PA because her husband released her.
Some go to their wives work place to spy and see how she relates with her clients.Â Women have lost their jobs and customers because the men have refused to grow up. IÂ know a family that is suffering now, not because there is no job for them, butÂ because of the manâ€™s ego problem. The girl is from a very influential family andÂ because of that her fatherâ€™s people are ready to give her contracts. But she has notÂ gotten it because whenever they ask her to come to Abuja, the man who they donâ€™tÂ even know will ask her to sit back at home and have him go because he is the man.Â This is what has kept them down.
There is this mentality now among Nigerian men that a woman must sleep with a man toÂ get a favour. This is absolutely untrue. Believe in your woman for once and give herÂ every support she needs to go higher in life. Make her your best friend and she willÂ never hide anything from you. Whatever you cannot achieve the way of peace, you canÂ never achieve it through crisis. This is very true in relationships. Push that womanÂ too hard, she becomes a monster and the moment she becomes one, you would wish youÂ never knew her.
Stop using material things to quantify love and care. There is more to love thanÂ just material things. It worked for our parents because that was the way it was doneÂ in their time. It is done differently now. Your wife sees how her friendâ€™s husbandÂ treats her. She sees how well your brother relates with his wife. Do you think sheÂ does not want her own man to treat her that same way?
A friend told me how much her husband enjoys it whenever she has a new baby and goesÂ out with the baby. We couldnâ€™t help laughing when we analysed the whole situationÂ and saw the ignorance of men. A woman, even when you lock her in the room, willÂ always do whatever she wants to do. I once wrote about a pregnant woman whoÂ travelled with me on the same flight outside the country and ended up sleeping withÂ another man even with the pregnancy. Most men end up pushing their wives out withÂ their two hands.
A word, they say, is enough for the wise. Please save yourself the stress andÂ cardiac arrest that comes with too much monitoring of your wife. You are losingÂ flesh and having sleepless nights because of your mind-set. Your wife is notÂ cheating, it is your mind that is cheating and playing games on you.
We always condemn female celebrities when the marriages break up. I agree most ofÂ them are unfaithful, but there are still so many nice ones who still lose theirÂ relationships simply because the man cannot cope with their stardom. You were soÂ happy getting married to a celebrity that you flaunted her all over the place. ButÂ the moment your friends begin to say negative things about her or her colleagues,Â she becomes your worse enemy. There is a price to be paid for every promotion inÂ life. If you want to get married to a celebrity, please get more matured and knowÂ there are days you will wake up to see her picture with false negative stories onÂ the front pages of magazines.
I want you to become the kind of man who will do everything possible to see his wifeÂ on top. Rejoice when she is promoted to the position of a manager or she becomes aÂ legislator. Those great women you respect and admire outside have men in their livesÂ encouraging them to aim for the highest places.