5th November, 2010
Guys, I know you wonâ€
It is expected that when you are in love with a woman, there will be some element of jealousy. The Holy Scriptures make us to know that God Himself is a jealous God. This is one verse people have often used to defend themselves when they are accused of being possessive. Yes God is a jealous God, but there is wisdom in Him. He also does not hinder us from getting everything good because of jealousy. His own kind of jealousy is totally different from what we practice.
Nigerian men have first class degree when it comes to possessiveness. Guys, possessiveness is not love. Men have stopped so many good things from happening to their wives simply because of their selfish love. So many Nigerians suffer from this terrible disease called low self-esteem. It has nothing to do with your level of education and exposure. It is more of a psychological problem that should be carefully dealt with.
Some are also suffering from this because of their lifestyle. So many men have at one time or the other had a secret affair with their friends or relations wives. Some of them are still into it and because of that, they feel that no woman is to be trusted. I have seen men confide so much in their friends without knowing they are the major source of the problem. My people say that a man who kills by the sword does not allow the sword pass by him. This is your problem. You are making an innocent woman suffer from your reckless lifestyle. Please give her a break!
Men have killed their wives just because they are jealous and possessive. Men have destroyed their homes due to this very problem. Men have sent assassins to kill their wives because of this same issue. Women who were created to be great are being held bound to the ground by their possessive men.
Once a possessive jealous man finds a woman, he does not believe he can keep her. He believes that this woman will be taken from him by another man. This is largely due to lack of confidence, low self-esteem, limited or no self respect. This man does not believe he deserves to have the woman.
Now let us look at some of the traits of possessive men:
CALLS:
A man who is suffering from this disease calls the woman almost every hour if not every twenty minutes. You are doing this making the woman believe it is because you love her so much, but I have always told people whenever I speak at youth conferences, to run away from any man or woman who exhibits such traits because they will be miserable if they eventually get married to that person. I was once in a relationship where I was made to pick calls even when I have clients sitting right in front of me in the office. I must run out with my phone before the calls go off. If I donâ€
A friend recently told me a story of a girl who was in a relationship with a man who would call to find out where she is. He would get the girl to give the phone to her mother and siblings before he could believe her. He would ask the girl to turn on the television at home, do so many crazy things before he could believe her. This same man got married to this young girl, left her in Nigeria and was living in the UK with his oyibo. You live abroad, sleep with different kinds of women and the poor girl is here waiting endlessly for you in all sincerity yet you wonâ€
A man who is afflicted by this disease will always want to know who the woman is talking to at all times. Even when the woman smiles and laughs on the phone, wahala dey. The possessive jealous man will always pick up his womanâ€
CONTROL:
A possessive guy will try to control every area of your life. He will go out of his way to buy you the best cars, clothes, give you the best holiday trips, but without peace. I keep wondering why men will buy stylish clothes for their wives and instead of being happy and proud of her when she wears them, trouble starts. Why buy the clothes when all you want is for her to wear them and sit right before you. When people admire your wife, you should walk with your shoulders high and not for you to start being unnecessarily jealous. If you do what you should do as a man, nobody can take your wife away. But the issue is that a good number of Nigerian men equate love with material things only.
Mr Control Freak will be the one to choose friends for his wife and even when she is with them, he wonâ€
You donâ€
You donâ€
A woman once lamented to me how her man will always accuse her of having sex with another man whenever she rushes into the bathroom to ease herself on getting back from work. The man comes into the bathroom and asks her to give him her pant and open her legs for him to feel it. Isnâ€
Some other possessive men will always encourage their wives to gain weight as they believe no other man will admire them if they are big. You are deceiving yourself because no matter what a woman looks like, there is a man who will always admire something about her. You know you like them slim, but you are helping destroy your relationship because of your very selfish nature.
Most possessive men tell their wives not to bother working as they have more than enough to take care of her. This is why I pity women who just sit at home idle because according to them, daddy doesnâ€
Even religious leaders who preach against this thing find it difficult to practice. They would rather use their PA for things that their wives should do. Sir; you are using your PA because her husband released her.
Some go to their wives work place to spy and see how she relates with her clients. Women have lost their jobs and customers because the men have refused to grow up. I know a family that is suffering now, not because there is no job for them, but because of the manâ€
There is this mentality now among Nigerian men that a woman must sleep with a man to get a favour. This is absolutely untrue. Believe in your woman for once and give her every support she needs to go higher in life. Make her your best friend and she will never hide anything from you. Whatever you cannot achieve the way of peace, you can never achieve it through crisis. This is very true in relationships. Push that woman too hard, she becomes a monster and the moment she becomes one, you would wish you never knew her.
Stop using material things to quantify love and care. There is more to love than just material things. It worked for our parents because that was the way it was done in their time. It is done differently now. Your wife sees how her friendâ€
A friend told me how much her husband enjoys it whenever she has a new baby and goes out with the baby. We couldnâ€
A word, they say, is enough for the wise. Please save yourself the stress and cardiac arrest that comes with too much monitoring of your wife. You are losing flesh and having sleepless nights because of your mind-set. Your wife is not cheating, it is your mind that is cheating and playing games on you.
We always condemn female celebrities when the marriages break up. I agree most of them are unfaithful, but there are still so many nice ones who still lose their relationships simply because the man cannot cope with their stardom. You were so happy getting married to a celebrity that you flaunted her all over the place. But the moment your friends begin to say negative things about her or her colleagues, she becomes your worse enemy. There is a price to be paid for every promotion in life. If you want to get married to a celebrity, please get more matured and know there are days you will wake up to see her picture with false negative stories on the front pages of magazines.
I want you to become the kind of man who will do everything possible to see his wife on top. Rejoice when she is promoted to the position of a manager or she becomes a legislator. Those great women you respect and admire outside have men in their lives encouraging them to aim for the highest places.