9th November, 2010
There is nothing more ruthless than a love that sets conditions. No woman wants to share her beloved one with another and this is very acceptable. But the moment your love becomes an obsession and constant interfering in your partner’s decisions and way of life, it becomes possessiveness.
It is expected that in the beginning of a relationship you want to spend every second with your newly found love. He also does the same by constantly calling to know how you are. But as the relationship becomes old and stable, it becomes a big problem. I have heard guys complain when their woman calls them because to them she isn’t calling because she is so much in love as she claims, but because she wants to track him and know what he is doing.
We all want to feel desired and cherished. Every woman or man wants to spend time with his or her loved one. But there are times when our partners begin to get irritated and uncomfortable by our constant monitoring, it gets our relationship with them suffering. Haven’t you come across the writing: missing you makes my heart grow fonder?
I don’t know why any sensible woman would spend time monitoring and doing things they shouldn’t do just because they want to track a man and get them to be theirs alone. But I have found out that women who are guilty of this are women with very low self-esteem, jobless or not too busy, women who keep wrong companies, those that got their man through crooked means, the list is endless, but one thing is certain, any woman who finds herself in this terrible act really needs some psychological rehabilitation and counselling.
How do you know you are one of those women suffering from this psychological problem? Below are the little ways you know there is a problem somewhere that demands urgent attention:
When you see yourself getting unreasonably angry just because you caught your man taking a glance at another woman, you definitely need help. I have seen women in churches and other social gathering exchange sitting positions with their man just because there is another woman sitting next to him on the other side. Some go the extent of changing their seats to a different side entirely.
Women who suffer from this always want to have very ugly friends around them because they believe the man will not get attracted to them. This is one reason I don’t keep female friends. Let me tell you, men get attracted to different things and you may not really know what trips your man in a woman.
I have seen women insult their man in public simply because he admired another lady. Some even go the extent of taking food and drink away from them in public .Others make enemies wherever they go because they can’t stand another woman admiring their man either in words or actions. For such women, you dare not give their husband a handshake not to talk of a simple peck.
I have heard pastors wives come up with announcement that no female member should be seen around their man. Some pastors’ wives are not on talking terms with female members of their church because of insecurity. Church members used to run to their pastor’s house in times of trouble, but these days we don’t even know where our pastors live. A pastor friend once told me how he came up one Sunday, asked all female members to stand up and leave the church. As they stood starring at him in confusion, he told them that his wife does not want women in the ministry. They didn’t leave, but that was the day the woman changed.
Men naturally enjoy time out with friends once in a while. But a jealous possessive woman will never allow her man have that time alone with friends. These are the kind of women you see in their man’s car at all times and they are always in their company even when the man has some private issues to sort out with his family and friends.
So many women have turned their husbands into vegetables and zombies. I know so many use evil powers on their men that they stop being men, but there are still other men who find themselves in that situation simply because they chose to love their wives and then the women now use it against them. This is absolutely wrong.
You see men who are afraid to step out of their homes. I am not trying to support men who are always in the company of friends thereby ignoring their home, but come on girl, the guy needs some time alone with his friends and business associates. Stop making him unsettled when he is with his friends at night because he must get back home to you. He is the man and with love, you can change him, but I still insist he gets time alone with his friends.
Stop trying to find out everything he discussed with his mother and siblings. Give the man a little break please. I see women fight and keep malice for days because the husband wouldn’t tell them what his parents called him for. What is your business with that? You sit with your mum for hours without any form of interference from him, but the moment you see him have a heart to heart talk with his people, it becomes a problem. If you are a good wife to them, there will be no need for your actions. A good conscience fears no accusation.
Recently, a friend told me about another guy whose wife tracks his movements. The wife will always call the driver even while the man is in the car asking where they are, who he is with, and what the man is doing. What an insult on your man? You try to be nice to his friends and staff simply because you want them to feed you with useless information on your man. I think you should get busy because you have too much time on your side.
A possessive woman is that woman who visits her man’s office without informing him just because she wants to catch him with a woman. Men are wiser than they used to be and you could even have them do whatever they want to do right under your nose. And I pity you if you are one of those miserable women. A woman like you lost her three months pregnancy years back when someone called to let her know the husband was in the office with his girlfriend. In her stupidity and shamelessness, she set out to disgrace the girl. But the table turned against her when the husband gave her the beating of her life, which led to a miscarriage.
You go on fighting every woman you see around your man because of your level of immaturity. Grow up girl because I don’t know for how long you will fight, and if you go on fighting, you are sure to meet your match someday. Some women have blood crying on their heads because in their quest for a man, they have killed and done all kinds of evil. May God have mercy on you.
Men have lost businesses and good job opportunities because of their women. A man applies for a job or submits a proposal for a contract and there you are rejoicing with him. He gets into the bathroom for a shower after sharing his testimony with you. But here it goes, that phone is ringing again and it must be one of his women. As usual, madam picks the phone to let the woman know she is the legal occupant of the house. Without listening, even after listening to a lady who demands the man calls her back, she begins to insult and send all manner of texts to the woman. The man later found out he lost the job. Women, lets get more matured. Even if it was the girlfriend who helped get that job, I mean you are sure she is the girlfriend and not mere insinuations, madam let him have that job after all, na you go chop the money pass.
You keep wondering why nothing you do makes your husband happy. He may not have told you, but he lost a business sometime because of your attitude. His friends no longer visit because of your attitude. Once you see them coming, your face swells and that is when you will know there is no food in the house. Woman, the best way to deal with issues in your home is the way of prayer. You can get him disconnected from his evil friends through prayer. Mind you, when I talk about prayer, I am not talking of going to make incantations and buy white and red cloths to tie the man. That is devilish.
Please stop the habit of trying to pick your partner’s calls and reading his text messages. You scroll through his contacts and take the numbers of every woman you see. The next thing is for you to start sending texts insulting them. I once got one from a woman who told me how she was going to send assassins after me because according to her, her husband no longer looks at her face.
I replied the text asking if she knew who she sent the text to, she replied and gave one Hausa name. She felt so ashamed of herself when she realised she sent the text to the wrong person because she clicked on the wrong contact due to her mental state. This person happened to be a woman I buy some of my beauty products from. I am happy that after talking to her, she realised there was no need fighting another woman because of a man. If you are not as learned as your man and because of that you feel a little bit insecure, why not do something to help yourself. Use the time you have to get yourself trained and educated instead of tracking him. If you see yourself not being as attractive as you should be, girl do something to change your look, find out those things he is attracted to and get yourself into them.
If your problem is that of a very handsome and cute guy, sorry. There is no solution to this but you should have saved yourself the heart ache by refusing to go into a relationship with him in the first place. If you decide to marry a cute or influential guy, get ready to have him admired by other girls. He may not be cheating but your mind will always play games. Ladies will always be around him and you can’t help this. If you think you cannot handle women around your husband if he becomes a public figure, and then stop him from getting promoted or running for that political position. But your problem is that you want to have him get into that top position and at the same time be an island. It has never and will never work that way.
Work on yourself. Emotional and psychological maturity is not about age.
