Reliable Love


Aidy Thomas

Reliability is one attribute we treasure so much in relationships. The fact that you  are together as a couple should give to some extent, a sense of trustworthiness. We  all love to feel safe in the company of loved ones and this, as much as I know,  makes relationships/marriages what they are.

In a way, it requires you providing a shoulder for someone to cry on. This is why  sometimes, when I hear a woman/man talk so much of the children in isolation of the  mum/dad, I quickly recognise there is a problem in that home.

It is a fact we all love our children but should they take the place of our spouse?  No, they play different parts in the scheme of events. A woman was conceited of  being an excellent mother and said “you may take the whole world, but please leave  my children for me.” I looked at her and wondered aloud, “are you a widow darling?”  So, where do you keep the father of these lovely children you claim to love so  dearly? Oh, should he be taken away with the whole world? Ignorance, I call it sheer  lack of wisdom, our spouses should not be too far from our preference, after all,  children came from there and they will be easy to carry along perfectly since they  need the love and support of both parents and not just one overzealous fellow who  aims at drawing them to his/her side.

It amazes me to hear that some parents turn children against the other parent, why?  You are doing nothing but destroying the future of those children by telling them  how wicked the father or mother is. Don’t expose your spouse’s weakness before a  child just to fluff up cheap sentiment. The child should not be your confidant, talk  with the person you vowed to love “for better, for worse, in sickness and in health  till death…”

In another setting, couples are somewhat unpredictable. Their loved ones cannot say  for sure if they would have support over a pending problem or not. There was a very  popular e-mail that rocked almost all mail boxes last year, did you get it? Just in  case you missed it, here is a quick one.

A young girl in a brand new latest model of Toyota Corolla car got hit by a middle  aged woman in an old Peugeot 505 car, who was rushing to meet up with school run for  her children. The young girl got really angry and told her to pay for the repairs of  the car. When the woman begged and explained there was no money on her, she  threatened hail and brimstone, telling the woman it was her boyfriend who bought her  the car and if he came, the woman would be in serious trouble.

To strengthen her intimidation, the young lass pulled out her phone, rang her man  and he landed the scene sooner than expected. Meanwhile, the harassed woman had put  down her head on the steering wheel, thinking of what to do when she felt a sharp  tap over her shoulder, asking her to come out and face the man.

As she turned, it was her ‘dear’ husband who arrived to fight for his girlfriend.  Surprisingly, the man pretended as if he never knew her and asked the girl to enter  her car and go home, promising he would fix it soon for her.

Doesn’t this sound very disappointing? Bad enough that he has cheated on his wife by  buying a brand new car for a girl outside his home. Did he still need to deny her  openly? It is really tough, I’m sure trust would be a big issue in this  relationship, that is, only if they manage to remain together as a couple.

Times of grief could be emotionally very demanding. A man lost his mother who  suffered to bring him up all by her solo effort and the pain was so much on him that  he could not carry on with his life as usual.

Friends and relations gathered round to console and encourage him and when he seemed  to be recovering, his wife knocked him off again by saying “you are always bragging  to be a strong man, this is time to prove it, show me that you are mature enough to  handle this.” The man felt so unloved and disrespected as bullying was definitely  not one of the things he expected of his wife at such a sensitive time of his life.

Even if the wife wanted him to show some strength as a man, she would have said  something like “please, my dear, be strong, we are all looking up to you for  direction now, the children and I need you more than you can ever imagine.”

Do you know that one of the easiest ways to make your spouse feel accomplished is  when they know you need them? Yes, everyone loves that sense of relevance and come  to think of it, if you didn’t need each other, why did you come together in the  first place?

Things to consider when thinking of being a reliable lover:

•Choice of words: Words sometimes hurt and pierce sharper than the sword, especially  if you are the type that reads meanings to things. I still remember in my teenage  years, when my close friend would come crying that her mother said some really bad  things to her. Then, she would add, “if she smacked me, I would have just cried and  carried on with my day, but these words she lashed seem to stare me right in the  face, obstructing my way. I’m really pained.”
I know sometimes we just want to say things to portray the way we feel or also want  the person that offend us to have a piece of the cake, but when it comes to your  spouse, there should be a ‘caution sign’ since you live, eat and play together most  of the time.

•Maturity: It is obvious that maturity comes with age and experience but at least,  at the point of committing to marriage, you would have prepared for its demands. No  spouse would be relaxed to rely on a ‘baby’ wife/husband.

•Temperance: The cause of many problems in homes is anger, deal with it or it will  destroy you and all you have suffered for.

•Mutual respect: Where there is mutual love and respect, things just go pretty well,  trusting your spouse to act at all times for your good.

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