23rd November, 2010
A long distance relationship is not different from any other relationship. It is as unique as every other relationship we get involved in. The only difference is that unlike other relationships, you will not have the privilege of seeing your partner as often as you desire. In that regard LDR does not help the intimacy aspect of your relationship. Another important thing, the issue of trust is an indispensable factor which must be taken into consideration before settling for a long distance relationship.
I decided to have this in the womenâ€
Most of these guys have had multiple marriages to different women in the West. When you see how our people live abroad (I donâ€
I feel so sad when I see what some Nigerian ladies go through in the name of long distance relationships. I feel sad because our ladies are yet to begin to reason right. December is just by the corner and so many of these guys are warming up to come back and sweep you off your feet with chocolates, perfumes picked from Liverpool and Finsbury markets in London. Trust our guys coming from the USA, when they speak, they sound more American than the Americans themselves; and with all the bling-bling and fake designer wears, you see yourself falling for them. Some of these guys come home with lovely rides which they obtained under questionable conditions; either from a car hire or insurance. Ladies, shine your eyes. Not all that glitters is gold.
By the time they arrive in Naija, you get carried away and you break-up with your boyfriend with whom you have built a good foundation and are sure of, for a total stranger you know nothing about. Some of these JJC (Johnny Just Come) may even come from Morocco or Equatorial Guinea and will lie to you with confidence that they live in the USA, the UK, or Canada. Before you know what is happening, you have started singing the love songs to their ears. In the course of all these, you believe their lies and surrender your body to them which they exploit. Yes, you may have been introduced to him by his cousin or your friend, but should that make you a fool?
I used to think it was only the illiterates in our villages that fell for these guys, but now I see bankers and Lawyers who have fallen victims. I have had the privilege to meet with ladies who are doing so well in their chosen careers, but are constantly in tears because of this issue. I know a top banker here in Lagos who is a victim: for years now she and her lovely children have been abandoned here in Nigeria because she got involved with a man without asking questions to know his true identity. She laments about her ordeal and how she even travelled overseas to see him only for the man to ignore her and the kids. So many of them get back here and tell you they are married, but the marriage is to a white lady. You foolishly make yourself available as the black wife. You know what, as long as they live in that country and want to make it, they must be married to them .Why should you even try to get married to a man who is not single, divorced,or widowed? The so called big girls are the ones falling for these men because by the time they get into your bank and you are able to see the status of their account, you lose your senses.
There is this other banker who had a very decent man asking for her hand in marriage. The man who happened to be a very dedicated Christian made it clear to her that he wasnâ€
Maybe, you enjoy the fact that your Yankee guy sends enough cash to you with different kinds of exotic rides; but you know that in the midst of all those things, there is still a vacuum and an inner yearning for love. I have experienced it and I know what I am talking about. Nothing! I mean no amount of comfort can take the place of love, true love. You are probably enjoying the whole thing because it gives you the opportunity to live anyhow or because you were never in love with him.
Some good women who are not even exposed are made to go back to the village and stay with the husbandâ€
I know so many people found themselves in this kind of relationship, not out of greed, but out of ignorance. You were pushed into it by forces beyond your control. If you are not yet married, please create time to talk about some issues with him and be sure you can handle it before taking that step. If you are someone like me who cherishes attention more than money, I advise you quit before regrets set in. If you cannot trust yourselves, there is no point getting into it because it will cause you more pain than ever.
Trust is a necessity if you chose to have your relationship from a distance. Without trust and honesty, the relationship is in for danger and unsuccessfulness. I know you are desperate for marriage, but please be careful and constantly remind yourself that God did not give a particular age for marriage. A man who is yours will come and he will love you despite your age, look, and past life. I have started seeing some of them in town, they are going to do everything possible to deceive you, but girl, you can choose not to be deceived.Dont be so much in a haste to have a total stranger put a ring on your finger and take you to the altar this Christmas. Give yourself time to understudy him. I always advise my friends not to allow any marriage until they see their papers and travel documents ready. Those who took to this advice are happily married and living with their men abroad.
I repeat it again; Godâ€