24th December, 2010
The rate at which relationships break up these days is alarming and gradually becoming a thing of great concern both to counselors and the society at large.
For the purpose of this article, please permit me to focus on marriage and not just any form of love relationship, reason being that marriage is more legalÂ and to an extent, according to marriage vows, expected to last for ever.
Have you ever observed that marriage vow has no provision for divorce? And interestingly, it seems to be the same vow all over the world. Then, where doesÂ divorce come from? Why should couples even consider it as an option? Does it solve any problems? Are people â€˜truly happyâ€™ after a divorce or separation? IsÂ it possible to have a good relationship with your ex and his/her siblings? How do you cope with the hurt and overwhelming feeling of forgiveness?
Bola has this to say: â€œSegun and I appeared to the crowd that graced our wedding to be a perfect match. As the pastor introduced us, telling them who andÂ what we were, heads nodded and faces beamed in admiration of a careful combination, while our parents walked proud,Â greeting friends and relations whoÂ turned out in support.
â€œAs the reception ceremony was drawing to a close, people started leaving for diverse reasons and soon, we discovered we had actually come to the end of theÂ wedding party andÂ it was good to know that the end of reception marked the beginning of marriage.
â€œGoing on honeymoon was another interesting thing I looked forward to and hopes were not dashed. I had no idea whatsoever of the kind of challenges tied toÂ marriage as life commenced in our new home. I loved the opportunity to showcase the few dishes I learnt to make just before wedding and Segun had no idea IÂ was using him to test my catering prowess.
â€œSometimes it was the opposite of what I expected (a far cry from good), but my new husband would still manage to be appreciative of the fact that he hadÂ someone he could call a wife.
â€œVacation was finally over and we both went back to work. Coming from work to prepare food was the first hurdle I had to cross, but because I am a smartÂ babe, I patronised eateries very often for family support, but before long, Segun got tired of my alternative and desired a change to home-made food. ThisÂ was a clear â€˜yellow lightâ€™ for my young marriage.
â€œOne thing led to another and we watched our differences unfold by the day. The love we thought existed between us was almost like a mirage as we treated andÂ related with each other as cat and dog. Things just fell apart and the centre could no longer hold. The next alternative was to bring in parents which IÂ consider the most immature decision we ever took.
â€œYou know, parents have sentiments toward their children and mothers, in particular, would always want to protect the â€˜babyâ€™ they nursed. One thing we knewÂ for sureÂ was that we confessed our love for each other so often (before marriage) that it became a part of us, but here we were, unable to look each otherÂ in the eye and declare â€œI love you, dear.â€ This shows you how really bad things turned, but as God would have it, we found help in counseling and loveÂ returned.â€
With Bolaâ€™s experience, I will enumerate a few things which can cause problems in relationships.
â€¢Negligence: Whether they are voiced or assumed, in every relationship, there are expectations of what each partner is supposed to do for mutual existence.Â The man should deliver his responsibility well, while the woman should not be found wanting in any sense of the word. Once you donâ€™t do what you are supposedÂ to, you are calling for trouble.
â€¢Analysis: Couples who argue so much and want everything to follow a particular pattern, easily have problems. Life is easy, try and overlook some things forÂ peace to reign. Marriage is not the right place for you to prove how intelligent you are.
â€¢Wrong choice of words: If you can watch and control your tongue, a whole deal of your problems would be gone. Dishing sarcastic comments is not healthy forÂ the relationship and studies have shown that even after apologies, the wounds refuse to heal completely.
â€¢Infidelity: Please try as much as practicable not to give your spouse any cause to doubt your love for him/her. Just the way you promised at the beginningÂ of the marriage, keep to one partner and derive pleasure in each other.
â€¢Care: Care makes it easy for you to love, give, respect, support, encourage and do a lot more than an ordinary relationship could offer.
This is the conclusion of the whole matter, men should fear and worship GOD.