31st December, 2010
It is clear that most people reading this article are either in a relationship, looking forward to one or hoping to improve what they already have. If you are part of it, read on.
The position of a man in a relationship is a vital and easily misused as well. People say it is a manâ€™s world but they refuse to explain why and in what context. Is it only when it comes to authority or some free game stuff that we remember the world was made for men? Oh no, it comes with enormous responsibility as well.
If you are on the road to being a happy family man, then get saddled as we go through the following steps together.
â€¢Availability: To be available simply means being there for her. It may surprise you how much a woman values little things like changing light bulbs, checking her car and being part of the general home upkeep. Yes, the home is the womanâ€™s responsibility as some would say (thatâ€™s a topic on its own for next time) but the fun comes when the man becomes part of it. Make her feel sheâ€™s not alone. Donâ€™t make her feel if anything goes wrong in the home, sheâ€™s to be blamed.
â€¢Adaptability: I am sure you hear things like â€œboys would always be boysâ€ and you wonder, donâ€™t these boys ever think of growing up? One of the things men find difficult to do after marriage is to adjust. Donâ€™t you still see married men come for Friday night out without their wives? Where do you think he keeps the wife while having fun at the night cruise or how do you think she feels waiting for his endless return? You know, in our culture, it is the woman that leaves her home to join the husband. Now, can you, in your wildest imagination, describe how she feels when the husband still values his family and prefers their company to hers? Please do not get me wrong, what I mean is try and make your wife feel at home with your siblings. Make them accept her as part of the family so she wouldnâ€™t feel alone. Good to know, if they accept her, youâ€™ll be a happy man and there would be peace and progress.
A man once complained to me about how selfish the wife was as she wouldnâ€™t want to see any member of his family come around let alone lend a helping hand. The story sounded good and sympathetic to the ear but I knew there was more to it than what I heard. I demanded to also hear from the wife and discovered she was in pains of rejection with the in-laws seeing her as a gold digger. Only very few women in her position would have behaved otherwise.
Again, as a guy, you would have been used to coming back from work and going straight to crash on your bed, but in marriage, you canâ€™t try that, she needs your company, especially if sheâ€™s not working outside the home and would have waited to meet you all day. So, going to sleep will only make her sad and think you donâ€™t care, meanwhile, you are concerned about how to rest and wake early for the next dayâ€™s deal.
Now, answer me, is she being inconsiderate, selfish or insensitive? Well, I donâ€™t think so, she is, in other words, telling you how much she values your company.
â€¢Believe in yourself: Lack of self confidence makes a man do a whole lot of strange things. It takes confidence for you to be able to approach a woman of your choice. I can see you smile, yes, donâ€™t settle for â€˜low babes,â€™ meanwhile, you are dying for â€˜big chicks,â€™ have you ever heard a woman say â€˜I salute your courage or I like your guts?â€™ In fact, she means it. Women really love confident guys, not arrogant though. There are a lot of things that would make a man â€˜stand tall,â€™ discover yours and live well.
Your wife would not want to always explain to you who said hello to her on the street or who just sent a text message. She wants you to know and act as the king of her life without a rivalâ€”you are too good to lose. Self confidence will make you relax and receive more love from your spouse.
â€¢Communicate: There is nothing that makes you a super man when you hide things from your wife. Who told you that real men do not tell their wives what they do? Remember, she is supposed to be part of you, tell her what you do, like, hate and would want for marriage. Talking with her makes her feel loved and she finds it easier to respond to your love because you are more like a friend than â€˜lord.â€™ Above just talking, learn to listen as this places you on the scale of maturity. It is a common complaint of wives that husbands do not listen to what they have to say either about the children, home, work or even the way they feel. Some even close their eyes and pretend theyâ€™re still listening; this hurts the woman a great deal. She needs eye contact while speaking with you and will appreciate your emotional support even when you cannot help the situation, just show her you care. Mind you, she doesnâ€™t expect you to solve all her problems but wants you to be a shoulder to cry on.
â€¢Faithfulness: Be faithful to your partner, after all sheâ€™s your choice, you saw all other women when you chose to take her or did someone marry her for you? Honestly, I donâ€™t have solution to that, meet the person who married her for you and sort things out with him or her.
â€¢Help: Gone are the days men left their wives to suffer and labour to death. There is nothing wrong with changing the babyâ€™s nappies or fixing dinner for the family. Your spouse will look beyond what you are doing to the fact that you do them for love. She feels there is no point going to wait for her in the bed room where you want to whisper how much you love her when you canâ€™t help her tidy up and retire early. When she turns her back on you, there is a fight as you feel sheâ€™s rude and inconsiderate. No, sheâ€™s just exhausted and needs to sleep since she has no help. Yes, you may have engaged the service of a house help for her, but try cooking a meal with her one day and tell me what follows after.
â€¢Humility: Men sometimes have the opportunity to make more money for the family. No matter the amount of money you control, donâ€™t run it down your wifeâ€™s throat that you are the bread winner of the relationship. Respect her feelings and make her part of your achievement.
â€¢Sensitivity: Know when and where to draw a line in everything you do.