Make A U-Turn



They will say Amara has come again with the holier-than-thou attitude. It is not about me trying to show off, but it is about our culture which we are gradually putting in everlasting grave. I really feel bad about what is going on in the Nigeria of today.

You can go ahead and tag me old-fashioned, but that is not capable of making me change my words. I am sure that our parents as well as other decent young women will be happy about this.

What is the actual cause of all the evil and corruption in the system? It now looks like every Nigerian child is taught from the womb to be corrupt. I don’t know if there is anyone out there who feels the kind of pain I feel concerning our women.

We know that men, in the African culture find it difficult showing some respect for women. But in the midst of our men feeling superior, was a kind of honour for women.

I recently raised a question on why we no longer have respect for the elderly. Why have we suddenly embraced the Western culture against our own African values? I see mothers ask their kids to say “Hello” and “Hi” when they meet adults. Children now see their grandparents and just say hello without greeting the right way.

Mothers, please train your children up to appreciate our culture. Enough of this westernization madness. African culture still remains the best in the world and if other nations with no better cultures are holding on tight to and promoting their culture, we need to do more.

I have even taken out time to watch those we claim to be emulating. The point is that a good number of them are still decent and respectful than our girls.

Below is a comment from an older friend, a woman I respect very much, on my Facebook wall post:
“Why are Africans suddenly turning to Americans and Europeans? What has happened to our culture of respect for the elderly? People now address their elders by their first name simply because we are on Facebook. Fellow Nigerians, we need to go back to our culture.”

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Amara, to start with, I enjoy reading your articles in P.M. NEWS. This post is ‘ear pulling’, thank you. I agree with you, what we do not know is that African/Nigerian culture as per respect etc are d best, it’s just a pity some young ones do not appreciate what we are blessed with, Anyway, it’s got a lot to do with background, respect is one of d things we parents must imbibe in our kids, despite Western influence.

At times I laugh at some young boys and girls who try to copy Western culture. Meanwhile, some of these ‘oyinbos’ appreciate our culture and they try to emulate us. I have come across some whites who have emulated us.This is an example of someone very close to me.

My cousin’s fiancée is a 100% white, British; she surprised me the day she was formally introduced to me; I expected her to as usual say ‘hello auntie with a hug’ but she knelt down for me, not only that, she called me ‘mummy’! I was like, ha-ha Bayo, mummy ke! What is this o? He told me she used her initiative since he called me mummy and she saw how he greeted me; he said they normally discuss amongst other things, African way of greeting people, that he did not force it on her. This girl is same age with my daughter but d respect I have for her is like we are on d same level, she earned it! It’s a natural thing…

She does what many Naija girls find difficult to do because of stupid civilisation. Some weeks after their visit, she asked me to teach her how to cook our food! I told her what to buy, where to buy the stuff, she did, brought them over, now she cooks some Yoruba /Naija food and stew vis-a-vis red stew, efo and egusi,okro mixed, powder ‘pounded’ yam, eba and amala for her fiancé which my cousin appreciates very well..When I asked her why she wanted to know how to cook Naija food, she told me most weekends when they are together, her fiancée orders Naija food from Aso-Rock restaurant, so she decided to learn how to ‘feed’ him. She has warmed herself to me because of all these, hence I really love her. Civilisation is costing us a lot in Africa; maybe your piece will help our young folks.

As for me, because of the environment I live, I am used to being called Caroline so I don’t care at all if any facebooker calls me Caroline. One thing I know is that my kids will NEVER call their Naija elders by their names; they are brought up Naija way. Amara, please try and talk to them on phone and you will hear them end their responses with ‘yes ma’ and ‘yes sir’. They kneel down, they prostrate etc; they bring out the Naija in them anytime they are in contact with Nigerians. To me, they are Nigerians, it doesn’t matter if they are born and bred in UK.

Being on Facebook doesn’t mean we shouldn’t respect anyone we ‘feel’ should be respected. We need more write-ups like this to help our young ones. May Jehovah bless you more to be able to do so.

Again Amara, thank you very much.

Read this one from another male friend:
Being on Facebook doesn’t mean you don’t have to respect your elders. I believe charity begins at home. I have three boys, they will never see my friends and say hello and shake their hands, because I didn’t bring them up that way; they have to prostrate despite they were all born in Europe. Being on Facebook, Twitter or whatever doesn’t mean you don’t have to respect your elders. The holy book says you should respect your father, mother and anybody older than you.

Now, tell me fellow Nigerian women; if these ones who are permanently based in Europe and America still have very high regard for our culture, what is stopping us from doing so?

It is not just in the area of greeting. Nigerian women have suddenly become shameless. We no longer think of our families in whatever we do. According to some of us, it is our life and whatever we choose to do with it has nothing to do with anyone.

I recently couldn’t help sending a message to a lady who sent a friendly request to me on facebook which I out rightly rejected. I sent a message to her inbox telling her my reason for rejecting her request. This lady in her 30s replied telling me to leave her because she is trying to sell herself. What a pity! I don’t know how any reasonable man would get attracted to such a lady who looked not just like a whore, but a mad woman.

I believe as you read this, your conscience is pricking you. You could have been misled by your evil friends who made you believe that that is the only and best way to have a man. I remember buying Sun Newspaper and seeing a girl almost naked on the Sun Girl page.

The first question that came to my mind was; is this girl not from a woman like me? In my usual way, I sent her a very long text reminding her she must not go naked to be admired. I took her mind back to her mother asking how she should be feeling at that very moment.

This girl replied and apologised for that very picture. She promised to go back to her mother, ask for her forgiveness and blessings. We have been in contact since then and I can tell you she is doing perfectly well in her studies with her boyfriend of three years proposing immediately after the change.

Yesterday, was St Valentine’s Day and I was able to see how much women have cheapened themselves. My colleagues at work were even making jest of women. According to them, when a woman tells you she loves you, it is not you, but your pocket. They concluded there is nothing like real Valentine with the girls of today. When they come to you, it is for lace wig and Blackberry. Girls, we need to change this image of ours and for once be real.

All those rags you call clothes can never get you the right man.Unfortunately, girls keep praying for Mr. Right without making efforts to become Miss Right. I see some girls move about town with more than three different colours on their hair. You emulate Rihana and Lady Gaga without thinking of their reason for doing that. You may never believe this, but your look gives the first impression of who you are.

You go on Facebook and Twitter and post pictures of you with your breasts and bum out. Go on enjoying it, after all your friends are posting comments telling you how beautiful you are. You are not beautiful, but insane and a total disgrace to womanhood, your family, and friends.

Hmmmm, you will definitely not agree with me on this, but I keep wondering the reason behind those false eyelashes. What on earth would get a woman to pour glue on the tender skin around the eyes just for beauty that doesn’t make sense? When I look at these ladies, I can’t help wondering what the reason is because it makes them look like nothing else but vampires and snakes. You must not follow every beauty trend because some of them are mere madness.

Some of you emulate our Nollywood stars. I have always maintained that I see nothing to learn from any of those actresses. They are just another good source of disgrace to Nigeria. What do we have to learn from them? Today, they are dating a musician; he dumps them tomorrow for a senator to pick. I don’t care how high you place them, but to me, they are nothing short of public toilets. Are you not ashamed? How many men are going to see your nakedness in your lifetime? I don’t and will never desire to become like them. Yes, there could be just a handful that are decent (Chioma Chukwuka-Apkotha), but little foxes they say, spoil the vine.

Girls, let us take our eyes off all those mad people on the street with the name of celebrities and go back to our parents for proper lessons on the attributes of a real woman. Your current style of life will not take you very far in life.

It is time to love, enjoy it, but be very careful about it.

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