What About Barrenness?

Amara

Amara

Amara

I get text messages and e-mails from my fans asking how I get materials for my articles. The issue here is that I write only when I am inspired because I believe there is no point writing if some life is not going to be affected by my article. I write with passion and I have never depended on a book to write.

Barrenness simply means a state of fruitlessness. Most times when the word “barrenness” is mentioned, we tend to think about it in line with female infertility. Infertility in women is just one aspect of barrenness. Every living thing has a tendency to be barren.

I don’t know what the Islamic Quran says, but I know that the Holy Bible carries the creation story. According to the scripture, God created man on the sixth day. He gave a command to man to be fruitful and multiply. This shows that it is the will of God for us to be fruitful and multiply.

Our society is such that has made us believe that the only reason for marriage is pro-creation. This has caused a lot of problems in so many Nigerian marriages as men now get married for the wrong reasons. A man enjoys and sleeps with all kinds of women only for him to decide to settle down much later simply because the mother is somewhere asking for grand children.

Nigerian men now see women as baby making machines and this has not helped in finding solutions to barrenness in women. Haven’t you noticed that so many ladies now get worried about fertility before they enter the marriage institution?

I always feel like pouring very hot water on ladies who belittle themselves so much to the level where men now tell them to take in first if at all they want marriage. Your God-given senses should be able to tell you that the man has no love for you. What that simply means is this; no love without children. This is very wrong and I think it is spreading and becoming acceptable even by our elders who should be correcting us.

I grew up knowing that Pentecostal churches never allowed even sex before marriage, but now women go before Pastors and Bishops with seven months pregnancy. My question has always been; how many people are being joined in holy matrimony in this case? I see no reason for the wearing of veils by today’s brides because I know that a veil on the face of a bride signifies chastity and purity. If that is the case; should today’s bride use veil over her face after sleeping with twenty men before marriage?

Well, let’s not get carried away. I just want us to look at some of the causes of barrenness. The fact is that most of the women we call barren are very fertile, but our culture is such that puts the whole blame on a woman when the issue of infertility is raised.

I have seen people tell men whose “wives are barren” to go and get another wife without even attempting to ask questions. I see women whose marriages are childless run from pillar to post praying and fasting endlessly for a child and going through all kinds of medical treatments and tests just because they have to keep their marriage. I feel strongly for these women because while they are depressed for the fruit of the womb, the husband whose name the child would bear feels it is none of his business.

Our hunger-driven pastors are also not helping things as they keep telling the woman so many negative things in relation to her state of barrenness. Even when you have no connection with the marine world, most of them will tell you it is your spiritual husband. Others will accuse either your mom or your mother-in-law of being the one holding your womb.

You quickly accept that as a fact just because your mind takes you back to that first time you were introduced to her as the wife-to-be. Let me tell you this; the fact that she kicked against your marriage to her son does not mean she hates you. She could have done that because she didn’t know you too well and had some reservations about you, your job, religion, and ethnicity.

I am one person who does not believe I should go and meet anyone to interpret my dreams. But you keep running to people who are hungry and looking for your types for them to be able to feed their homes.

There is a case I have been trying to handle. This lady was locked out by her husband because the sister-in-law ordered him to. The offence this lady committed is that she followed them to a “man of God” somewhere around Ejigbo.This same man took so much money from her and later asked her to sleep with him (one of the travails of a barren woman).

She later stopped following them for this prayer only for this man of God to come with his false prophecies, telling them the woman is a witch and that is why she ran away. This led to the end of a wonderful union.

I know it is not easy going through years in marriage without a child. I really feel for all the couples sending text messages to me. I can only ask you to make sure you have done your own part. Be still, God will show Himself strong on your behalf.

REASONS FOR BARRENNESS
Medical Reasons:
The number one and the most common cause of barrenness is when there is some kind of abnormalities in the body system. A good number of women today are living in misery as a result of the life they lived years before now. This is why I try to caution the youths whenever I speak to be very careful and choose to live decently and in the fear of God.

By the time you jump from Okey to Idowu and then to Abdul, and suddenly you remember there is one Etim and Mr. Wills by the corner yet to be dealt with; you are destroying your life. To you single girl, it is enjoyment today, but by tomorrow, it will become pain. I just pity the man you will transfer the bad luck to.

There are also other medical causes of infertility in marriages. I am not a medical doctor and so you have to pardon me if I don’t say it as it should be. I know there are infections that could lead to barrenness. A lot of women are so careless with their body that they don’t even know what it means to be a woman.

I see women eat certain things just like the men. I see just clean up their body and use anything without remembering they are women and so need extra care. I believe by now your doctor must have told you your own problem if at all there is.

Anxiety:
You may not believe this, but the truth is that a greater percentage of infertility cases have been and should be solved just through psychology. Like I said earlier in this article, Nigerian women are under stress as regards pregnancy even before they start the marriage journey. This leaves me asking this question; is the major reason for marriage not companionship? No matter your level of desperation, I don’t expect you to have anything with a man who first of all makes you understand he needs children.

When you are anxious, it becomes difficult for conception to take place. A good number of “barren women “no longer enjoy sex with their husband. This is not because the man does not “perform” in bed, but because after getting pregnant, the joy that comes from good sex eludes them.

Refuse to allow anyone put you under undue pressure. Learn to be happy at all times. I see women who have gone a step further to cage themselves in self pity. They avoid attending birthdays and naming ceremonies. Madam, I know how you feel, but this is not a solution.

Unforgiveness and Bitterness:
This, to me is the major cause of barrenness in women. A lot of women are moving about in unforgiveness.I talk about this because I have seen it wreck havoc in so many homes.

I have seen 18 years of childless marriage blessed with triplets just because they forgave . They didn’t just forgive; they went to visit the person in a different state to make peace.

Have you forgiven your mother-in-law or you are still praying that same old prayer-”Lord; please give me a child so the mouth of my enemy be shut forever. What about that lady who took away your husband for some time and probably had a baby for him outside? What about that one he brought in as the second wife? Madam, hear this; our greatest victory in life comes through forgiveness. Let go of every bitterness and forget the hurts of the yester years.

Nemesis:
It is sad that most of us who are Christians now take advantage of the grace of God. I have found out that most times we go through things in life and suffer so many things without knowing where they come from. The only thing we do is run to the church or mosque for prayers.

When you offend God and ask for forgiveness, He forgives because that is His nature. But the fact is that if that thing has a natural law following it, you must pay the price-whatever you sow, you must reap.

Think about the past and see how you lived your life. How many times did you offend your mother to the point that she cried for you? How many times did you maltreat your sister-in-law who was childless? How many times did you take someone’s husband and father away? How many times were you in that theatre to terminate pregnancy? For every blood you shed in the form of abortion (D&C), there is an innocent voice crying for justice against you. Be careful when you are misled into believing there is nothing wrong with that.

A word is enough for the wise. You can deal with barrenness as an issue and when you must have done all, leave it in the hands of God. I know it is not easy. I have spoken in conferences where there were barren women and there I saw pain in the deepest part of their heart. But please try to live and walk in love, integrity and thanksgiving to God. You will make it, yes, I know you will.

I must say this before I end this; there is this new one in town called Pota Baby. Before this very Pota Baby, women were taking some injections and drugs that make people believe they are pregnant only for them to have a miscarriage later. Are all these necessary? I understand your pain, but I don’t think it is right.

Pota Baby is from a small town in Rivers State. This is done by one devilish woman who gives you some things to drink and then sleep with the man. When these women go for scan during pregnancy, nothing shows. Some of them ran back to this woman who told them the doctors can never see the baby and they must come to her place, inside a bush to deliver.

This is one reason we have so many black women today giving birth to white babies. The one I know about had twins who look exactly like the Chinese. She is a very dark person just like her husband. The children now have both the physique and facial structure of the Chinese. She has never been proud of herself ever after.

Some other women plan with motherless babies homes to meet them at the airport on their way back from London or USA or wherever they went for delivery. They give them the babies who are then presented to the man as his. Why not come out open and go for adoption?

This is real, not fiction. A little baby was injected to death by a medical doctor from the University Teaching Hospital, Enugu just because he must cover up the atrocity he committed with a woman who was desperate for a child. She had to do it when they found out that the baby was SS” and that could have led to the husband finding out.

I understand your pain, but remember this; every Satan’s apple has worms.

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