Marriage Expedition (2)



Aidy Thomas

The initial part of this article explained to an extent, how we could be in a life-long relationship (marriage) and enjoy every bit of it. Just as we mentioned that marriage could be compared to a journey, there are some things you pack in your suitcase as part of your preparation for travels and that is what exactly this article desires to tackle.

I will not forget to mention that each marriage is dynamic but some expectations seem to cut right across all, despite race, colour or tribe.

We had already mentioned persistence as one of the requirements and here are the others.

•Avoid Obsession: Knowing where to draw the line between unity of marriage and cloning could be quite challenging. Marriage is not meant to take away your mind or personality; you should have confidence in who you are and continue in the things that make you happy as long as they don’t pose a problem to your spouse.

I read a story about how a young lady handled obsession even when it was clear she really loved the guy. Maryam does not make the mistake of obsessing about Lee, much as she loves him, being in control of how she felt was her strong point. Going to movies and spending time at the gym remained her pleasure, filling up the time Lee was away from her, thus making life balanced.

When you feel incomplete or unable to function without the other person, have a rethink of that relationship: someone is doing something wrong.

•Healthy living: Are you wondering what health has got to do with your love life? Oh yes, a lot, a whole lot. When we were much younger, we thought a good marriage would promise a life of total idleness where you’ll do nothing than lounge in the mansion your hubby has provided for you; then you’ll be the envy of many who feel life had fallen for you on pleasant grounds. Given the same opportunity to assess what a good marriage should look like today, I’ll be on the opposite side of the coin. Real life is when you are up and doing, creative and helpful.

I met an 80-year old woman in Ashford, England, doing voluntary work, it was obvious she’s advanced in age but no one would go anywhere near 80. As we got talking, she told me her age and what has kept her strong. “The secret is being active,” she told me.

One would naturally think that retirement is a nice time to recline and watch others serve you, but this lovely woman has beaten brittle bones to it by just being active and getting on. You know the truth about the brain? If you don’t use it, you lose it, period.

I heard of a very rich man (Ted Nicholas), you know him? He’s the most successful self-published author in the world. In the early 1990s, he sold his business for a huge amount of money and went into retirement, thinking to be indoors, enjoying his homes both in Florida and Geneva, but three months down the line, he called it off as boredom raided his life. He knew he’s made so much money already from the sale of his business empire and didn’t need to work for money, but he started running free seminar for young entrepreneurs who wanted to know more about marketing which is what earned him the fortune. He just wanted to keep busy.

A sluggish and lazy spouse is a danger to love: there’s little you can do to make the other party happy if you’re not sufficiently healthy. Health deteriorates with age, so do yourself good, live healthy and make your loved one enjoy being with you.

•Leisure: All work and no play, they say, makes Jack a dull boy. The demand of keeping up with financial responsibilities/bills is breathing pretty hard on family relationships. Taking time off work is almost becoming impossible as people want to grab as much quid as practicable. It’s well appreciated that money is difficult to come by but taking a time out to relax as a couple does not necessarily need to be expensive or has anything to do with visiting popular places. Looking around in your neighbourhood, you may be shocked at what can come out of simple sitting out together, going to pictures, having coffee in a cafe or just taking a walk down the road. What is important is that the time is spent with someone you love; this gives an unbeatable bonding in the union that stands the test of time.

•Be optimistic: There is really no need going into something you are not convinced would work and life would most often put back what you put into it, making it almost impossible for you to achieve what you don’t expect. Be positive, approach marriage with an open mind and get ready to reap its benefits with time. It can be quite refreshing and relaxing to know there’s someone willing to share his/her life with you. Learning to trust people afresh is one lesson to be practised daily if you must enjoy marriage, forget the hurt and believe what happened was a slip, look for the good in him/her and dwell on strength rather than condemn and complain all day. Put lots of fun to marriage/life because it’s a long journey no one knows when it would terminate, enjoy it while it lasts.


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