Spot The Cheat

I very now and then, we read about celebrities who are cheating on their spouses, politicians keeping mistresses and highly placed people hanging out with lovers they should literarily have no business with. What is happening? Could someone just walk down the aisle, make a vow and suddenly or gradually abandon it? It’s absolutely amazing to even imagine some acrid things happening in relationships but all the same, the mess has to be cleaned up so that life can continue.

Coming face to face with the knowledge that your spouse is cheating on you is one of the most painful things to happen in relationships. This could even be more destructive if you try to count the cost of what you’ve invested within your time of being together; denying yourself of some personal treats just to be sure the other person gets a fair share as well.

It may also interest you to know that some cheats think they are so discreet that you cannot, in any way, connect to the games they play but this doesn’t stop the fact that someone is being hurt and somehow, the truth would come to the fore.

Anna Stones was recounting her emotional experience on her dying bed, while nurses could neither cry nor scream, following the fact she was one of them and well known for her marital commitment.

After lots of checks and tests to determine what was wrong with her health, the doctors decided she be brought to stay in the hospital for close monitoring but things still didn’t get any better.

The Spring Hospital where Anna was dying was on the other side of city where her husband could only go by cycling, finding a place to park was a serious challenge as lots of people went there to see and spend time with loved ones. Greg loved cycling but doing it so often within a short period became really hard. This time, he didn’t bother knocking on the door, just went inside instead to cool off his panting. His wife, snared in a bad dream, was breathing heavily and sounded like she was running for her life. That’s how he remembered her: always in motion, never still until sickness made her slow down and finally could only gaze at life with very little contribution.

Looking at Anna, you could tell she definitely had something to say but was too flabbergasted to do so. Each time she made an attempt, flood of tears would end the session and everyone kept thinking she was in severe pains for the ailment they couldn’t trace.

Rolling to the left side of the bed, she made a partial contact with Greg, who just walked in to the room and jeered a relief as she beckoned on her colleagues to come round. Then she began her confession: the truth about what was eating her health up so badly, pointing to her husband sitting by her side, she whispered, “he knows my pains, he put me in it and has refused to let me out.”

Amazed, questions poured in quick succession to make her explain what she said, but pain had eaten her up so much she could only say a few things: “Greg is cheating on me, he’s having an affair with my best friend who also works in this hospital. I was telling her so much about my marriage, the things I suspected Greg was doing (without tangible evidence) and she went ahead to become the reality of my suspicion. She knew all about my job schedule and any time I was at work, she’ll be with my husband and even pass the night in my home. One night, I took ill at work and decided to go home for a good night rest just to find out that Greg had a woman in our bedroom and it was my friend and colleague. Yes, it was painful but I agreed to let go and forgive both ends for the sake of peace, but Greg blatantly refused to stop the illicit affair, instead, he threatened to kill me the day I open my mouth to say it to anyone. He’s protecting his position in the society but my happiness was gone. Today, I speak for there’s little hope for me to live anyway. I have suffered in silence, I won’t also die in silence.”

How to spot a cheat

•When your spouse is overtly protective of his mails, phones and messages, you’ll be tempted to ask what he/she is hiding from a loved one. Dealing with this requires a lot of wisdom because as adults, we are entitled to privacy but when privacy poses strain on love, what should be done?

•Reduced communication is another subtle aspect of a wobbly relationship. People who talk freely may not be able to keep secret, so to fool the other party, there seem to be little communication. It’s often said that a man’s mouth is the window to his heart, if he keeps this window open, sooner or later, the world would know what lurks in the dark.

•Watch out for extremes: It’s totally impossible to cheat and remain the same. The culprit will either ever be making empty promises or talk about things you can do together in the future that however, somehow, never materialise. If you bring them up, there’ll be tons of excuses as to why they’re not possible, this is the negligent attitude. On the other hand, he/she might suddenly appear to be unnecessarily nice and supportive; totally blindfolding you to believe there’s so much love for you. Can you equate love with gifts and riches, no, love is meant to be for humans not material things.

Finding yourself in the position of being cheated could be horrible but would you let it destroy you like Anna Stones? No, it’s not necessary, talk about it, forgive, sit down together and work out how to move your relationship to a more romantic level, don’t let any parasite distract you, love is sweet.