Self Pity

Although Fiona and Ray’s relationship evoke mixed feelings, it’s still worth giving a glance as obvious lessons flood their lot.

Fiona, a lovely and well behaved girl from a poor home, has been having troubles securing an enduring relationship which could in some way give birth to marriage. Considering her age, (30 years), it’s natural for her to be anxious and unduly expectant, hoping every man who smiles at her has something nice to say.

She has a job which delivers pretty small income, almost not enough for her suppressed need, but inability to secure a better one keeps her going back to it, after all, a bird in hand is worth more than a million afar.

Living on support from other people and constantly expecting help from friends could be a really frustrating experience as they may not respond when you’re desperately in need, help seems to come after their personal need have been met and as a matter of fact, you get just the titbit.

As Fiona examines her life in this light, she vows to do something drastic—get a rich man to marry her so he can pick her bills and provide generously for her need—a position she’s been desiring all her life, counting others more favoured and better placed.

Smart plans, but is this what marriage is all about? We might judge and condemn her, but sincerely speaking, people marry for all kinds of bizarre and selfish reasons, basically material concerns.

She is determined to go all out in search of her catch, not minding the consequences, but this backfires later in her life as her eyes open to the fact that it is love that keeps people together not necessarily wealth.

Although so many spouses claim to be together in public eye, they are cats and dogs back home, knowing for sure there is no marriage, so don’t even be deceived by the fact that they live under the same roof.

The real sense of being together is loving and enjoying each other’s company, ready to do as much to get the best out of the union. Anything short of this, I consider it, house-sharing, which can make life pretty sour, spending every moment resenting and avoiding one another.

She settles for a rich young man, Ray, in her neighbourhood, who has been her long time admirer, waiting patiently for the day she will fall for him.

Knowing him to be arrogant, bossy and saucy, Ray takes no account of other people’s presence or existence. He feels the whole world crouches on his little shoulders, but women’s refusal to succumb to his advances leaves him shattered and quite humiliated, but he wouldn’t want to admit.

He’s often seen sitting alone in his exquisite gallery over a bottle of wine and lost in deep thought, trying to fathom why they have not come falling over each other to get his attention; the kind of things he loves.

Women don’t mind short dates with him though, but the moment he mentions marriage, they flee with the speed of light, not wanting to be used as ‘rag for Ray.’ This posed a serious concern for his aunt who remains the only person he respects and listens to, even when she tells him what he’ll not condone from anyone else.

She suggested a few candidates but he had a million reasons to disqualify them. She had no idea that Ray was totally intimidated by people of high social status and exposure as this might challenge his naive but pompous disposition.

It’s amazing what people look for in marriage—a spouse they can easily dominate and control with material influence. When his last proposal hit the rocks, Ray was totally devastated and vowed to be alone as long as he could. It was now clear to him that having a woman under his roof might remain a dream for life although he never really wanted to commit to the demands of family life just to make his aunt happy and probably be counted among ‘the men.’

Fiona saw this as her lifetime opportunity to position herself in the arms of this rich mogul but would she be happy after all? She showed him obvious signs that she would be more than glad to step into that rejected shoes.

Once Ray got the message, he proposed to her right away and they got married soon. She has previously been fairly cynical on the subject of marriage, probably because as an unmarried 30-year old woman, she is very aware of being on the shelf.

“Happiness in marriage,” she keeps saying to her friends, “is entirely a function of chance, if it comes to you, take it and hold fast to it, if it runs from you, no need pursuing it for the more you do, the farther it goes.”

This makes it clear to her friends she was ready to follow any man who would extend a hand to her and although her opinion of matrimony is not exactly sound, there is little you can do to a frustrated person seeking comfort at all cost.

A few months after their marriage, Fiona came face-to-face with the reality of coping with a boring and overtly smarmy man. He bullies her at every opportunity and talks to her without any iota of respect. The best she does is withdraw into her shell, avoiding unnecessary contact with him and this, for sure, is something no one would want to put up with. But since it gives her a little peace, it remained a way of life.

The marriage could not go far so they had to split, leaving Fiona even more shattered than when she was single. Her push to be Mrs. somebody certainly did not turn out right.

Lesson: Living in self pity could make you fall for wrong choices in life; there is no point being jealous of what others have and forcing yourself to that position without any clue of how it would end. Marriage should be as a result of two mutually interested persons determined to make it work.