Readers’ Comments And Questions

Hi, Amara,

I read your article and you are real. I have been dating this charming angel for the past four years. To be candid, I don’t cheat on her and I am ready to make her my wife in future. I am an undergraduate. The problem I have now is that the woman I love with everything in me has totally changed. She so much enjoys attending parties and clubs and I don’t have a problem with that, but the negative effects of her actions on our relationship is something bewildering. She looks down on me because to her, I don’t have what it takes to take her to a good club and she cheats on me constantly, while I continue to forgive her because of the love. I think she has been deceived by her friends who are nothing but prostitutes. I want to stop loving her, but it has been tough. The truth is that I love her and cannot live without her. Please counsel me on the way forward. I believe anything you say is positive

—FM

Dear FM,

I don’t know how old you are, but what I can say now is this; focus on getting good grades in school. Yes, you are in love with this beautiful angel as you said, but I think there are better things to focus on now. But if you insist on going ahead with the relationship, I think you should call her, sit her down and with all love, speak to her for a change. But I can tell you that as long as she continues to move with the “runs girls,” she will not be the woman you want her to be. It is also possible that she is no longer in love with you and you have failed to realise that. Her relationship with you now could be out of pity or as “option B.” Be careful, they say love is blind, but I believe love shouldn’t be blind.

Dear Amara,

I want to stop having sex with my woman before marriage, but we end up in bed each time I see her. What is the way out?

—AB

Dear AB,

Our flesh is always stronger than we are. The best solution to this problem is for you to avoid spending time with her in a solitary place. Ensure that your meeting with her ends in a place where you cannot do anything freely. I also advise people to avoid midnight calls because I can tell you that those calls made at odd hours promote laziness and immorality. God gave us the night for rest and sleep and by the time you get involved in midnight calls, you find yourself desiring to have sex and by the next morning, you are lazy and unproductive at work.

Amara,

You may disagree with me based on your modern wisdom, intellect and scientific mind, but let it be known to you that your writings in P.M. News are impure and unclean before God who created you. I hope you don’t despise this and bring condemnation to yourself at last before a holy God

—Emeka

Dear Emeka,

The worst thing that can happen to anyone is to become a religious extremist and fanatic. What I do has helped to strengthen relationships and rebuild lives. I went through a very tough time in life and now I can see the reason it happened. I now use my own life to counsel and become a blessing to many. On this note, sir, no apologies.

Dear Amara,

Our new baby is three months old now, but we noticed some smelly white substance coming out from my wife’s vagina.What do we do? This is our first baby and we would appreciate you telling us when to resume love making.

—Bukola

Dear Bukola,

You can resume sex as soon as your wife feels strong for it. To be on a safe side, I advise couples to wait until after the six-week post-natal visit. Waiting for three months is one of the old wives’ tales and this hasn’t helped couples when it comes to bonding after childbirth. As for the discharge, I advise your wife to visit her gynaecologist for proper medical check and prescription. Be careful not to indulge in self medication especially if she is breast feeding.

Hi, Amara,

I like what you are doing. I am a young Yoruba man, a Muslim and live in Lagos. I need a beautiful, caring and God fearing lady aged between 25 and 40 years for marriage. Religion and tribe shouldn’t be the issue and I trust you will link me with a good woman. Any interested lady should call 0803…

—Bola

Hi Bola,

I don’t match-make but I know there are internet sites and magazines where such services are available. Please, try any of them, but I would advise you ‘shine your eyes’ when it comes to internet dating.

Hello Ammy,

I love your articles. Is the vagina the only private part of a woman? Are the breasts they expose anyhow not private? Are the men allowed to touch the breasts anyhow since ladies don’t keep them private any longer? Keep up your good works, God shall reward you.

—Dele

Dear reader,

The vagina is not the only part of a woman’s body that should be private to her and her man alone. The breasts, thighs and tummy are all involved and I believe no woman in her right frame of mind will give them out for public consumption. In fact, flowing dresses add to a woman’s glory and like one of my Facebook friends said if everything is brought out in public even on wedding day, what then is left for the man?

Hi, Amara,

You are such an interesting Columnist. However, in your last article When She Becomes A Beast, you left out the consequences. I also don’t believe that spirit stuff in your last section. Would you please throw more light to it?

—Emma

Dear Emma,

I didn’t really leave out the consequences although they are not highlighted. If you go through the article once again, I believe you will pick them out. For a better understanding of what I mean by “transference of spirits,” please read down to see a comment from a reader.

Dear Amara,

I read, in tears, your last article When She Becomes A Beast and I thank God for making me your strongest fan since 2009. You are indeed a blessing to this generation. I loved and still love my wife who is now my ex and couldn’t control myself that I became obsessed with her. She is a very beautiful woman and that made me lose her. She was very cultured and down to earth, but each time she went out, I lost it with her because of negative imaginations. We finally broke up in 2009. I have tried, after reading your article, to reach her, but all to no avail. Kindly put a call across to her and speak with her on my behalf. Her number is…

—CC

My dear CC,

I really feel your pain and I thank God you are not one of the arrogant men around. I believe in the power of the Almighty to fix things when we are willing. I will do my best, but let us ask for God’s will to be done.

My dear Amara,

I know you are a small girl, but when it comes to reading from you, I put age aside because you are the greatest writer of our time. You have touched so many lives and God will be with you. I totally agree with what you said about transference of spirits during sex. I was a very wealthy and vibrant man in my forties (now I am 56). My wife doesn’t know about this, but I was destroyed when in my randy style, I took a girl to a hotel after a party. The moment I slept with her, I knew something strange happened to me. From that very moment, my business collapsed to the point that I left Nigeria in shame. I also lost my manhood as I stopped having very strong erection and no longer feel anything during ejaculation. I know God has forgiven me, but I advise people, men and women, to be careful who they give access to their body.

—Kayode

Amara, my daughter,

May God bless the womb that gave birth to you. You are such a great mind, too old for your age. I make sure my daughters, their husbands and daughters-in-law get your articles every week in the USA. You are a wonderful girl and a blessing to your parents. Keep up this because I believe you are on earth for this purpose.

—Alhaja Rukayat

Amara,

Thank you for your article of 29 April, 2011. I heard what you said about infidelity and I am really frightened. For the first time in marriage, I slept with another woman and am really sorry about this, Amara. What is my position on “the transference of spirits”? I promise never to be involved in this act again.

—Anonymous

Dear Reader,

All we need to move on is a repentant heart. You are a real man and God in His mercies shall see you through. Don’t let self-condemnation destroy you because God is one who forgets our yesterday. Get up and keep living again.

Dear Amara,

I am 30 and out of relationships because I don’t ejaculate during sex. I lost a girl I would have married and the last girl I dated just broke up with me because she even sacrificed going for one hour just to help me come, but I still couldn’t. Now, I am weak emotionally and finding it difficult to talk to any other girl.

—Anonymous

Dear reader,

You are not alone in this. I have received close to 50 sms and e-mails on this very problem. Please, be patient as I have decided to make this the topic of my next article by God’s grace. Refuse to be depressed because of it and I am sure you will find some points useful. Before then, eat and think right.

Hi, Amara,

Thank you so much for telling me she is everything I should live for. I have been lying to my wife, but she still loves and worships me. I promise to love, worship and celebrate her as well as take her out this weekend. Thank you for telling me she is worth dying for. Please, keep me in your prayers, may God continue to bless you and the works of your hands.

—Ejike