3rd June, 2011
It was a quiet Sunday evening with the children at home when suddenly the phone started to ring. Immediately I picked it and said â€œhello,â€ a frustrated, angry and disappointed masculine voice came through with these words: â€œWomen, absolutely amazing, women, you can never understand them. Anyway, Iâ€™ve asked her to pack her things and move from my house.â€
Jim felt he was tired of seeing different traits he never anticipated in his wife and the more he tried to caution her, the more complicated the issue turned. Finally, he decided to put an end to the relationship, which I tell you, was not the best option because another woman would still introduce her femininity, which was what Jim needed to come to terms with.
But after he spoke with me, he had a different impression of women and their emotions. Today, they are happily married with two children and enjoying the union in a different way.
Few authorities have attempted to assess the female personality and it has given birth to diverse description and classification of the female folk. Many people view women as complicated mixture of conflicting and unrealistic people with illogical needs that are different, if not impossible to supply. Women, though, may appear to be more complicated on the surface, this is mostly because they operate on a different wavelength than do men and consequently, approach life from another angle.
Someone has said that once in a while, a man gets a flash of insight into what makes his wife tick and just as he is pondering this, she tucks!
A woman need for self-respect:
In a survey conducted on the sources of depression in women, low self esteem was listed as their most troubling problem. It was observed that even in seemingly healthy and happily married young women, personal inferiority and self doubt hurt the most and left the most horrible scars.
Why are women suffering from depression due to feelings of low self-worth? The answer, at least in part, lies with the fact that the female role is under fire today. Women are told that if they devote themselves to homemaking, they are worthless. More and more, a womanâ€™s worth is measured only in terms of her financial asset to the family and contribution to the business world. Buffeted on every side by radio, television, magazines, newspapers and movies, she begins to assume that if she isnâ€™t a super or bionic woman, a news reporter, a physician or a banker, sheâ€™s nothing.
These options should be open for women today, but not at the expense of disparaging the role of a wife, mother and homemaker or of destroying self-esteem.
A motherâ€™s lack of self-respect will affect the home in many ways. First of all, she will pass it on to the children, who will see that she does not respect herself and they will not respect her either and unconsciously pick up the tendencies towards a negative self-concept of themselves.
Low self-concept will affect a womanâ€™s femininity. If she doesnâ€™t have positive feelings about herself, she will most likely not enjoy being a female, while negative attitudes will take over and may lament her lot in life, complain endlessly and fight against adapting herself to her husbandâ€™s wishes.
It is a psychological truth that we cannot love others until we love ourselves first and a wife can love her husband only in direct proportion to how well she feels or he makes her feel about herself.
A womanâ€™s need for attention:
If problems arise in a relationship, the traditional male approach to solving them is to become more successful at work. He doesnâ€™t consider taking a seminar or purchase a book on relationship, rather, he takes a course or buys a book on business or success. Why? Because from time immemorial, a man could always make his partner happier by being a better provider (so they think).
In hunter/gatherer days, this arrangement worked out fine. It worked well enough even for our fathers. For us, however, it doesnâ€™t work at all as todayâ€™s wives do not leave husbands because theyâ€™re not being provided for, rather, the do because they are emotionally and romantically unfulfilled.
When a man does not understand a womanâ€™s new needs, it is inevitable that she will be unfulfilled. This increased dissatisfaction is also what turns men off.
At a point in his life, every man must face the reality that time is passing and that his life is vanishing right before his eyes.
Wedding anniversaries have come and gone and the years have disappeared. The children will soon be gone and the husband may discover that he is living with a stranger he calls his wife.
A woman often experiences volatile mood swings, which a man may interpret as emotional instability. But the ups and downs a woman experiences result from her entirely different emotional set up and glandular changes.
One aspect of a womanâ€™s emotional nature that can greatly frustrate a man is her crying spells. Sometimes, a woman cries over a major issue and sometimes it seems minor. She can cry on schedule or off. These spells do not show lack of discipline, however, but rather, her sensitive nature. She may cry as a release from pent-up tension or when she is deeply touched, hurt or happy.
During such times, most women would appreciate a tender expression of sympathy, indicating that their emotions are understood, while others may wish to shed their tears undisturbed. In most cases, a good cry represents therapy.
A woman needs to have her feelings validated and accepted. She does not look primarily for solutions so much as for understanding and will be satisfied to seek for a solution later, but when she is upset, she wants adult conversation. If a man listens with one ear or appears uninterested, it will not be good enough, so, she may provoke an argument by choosing an insignificant point and blowing it all out of proportion.
A man who wants a good relationship with his spouse should endeavour to meet her needâ€”to hear and be heard. She wants to know what is happening to you and in return expect you to be interested in her concerns. Just talk freely and deeply.
Sincerely, I must admit that the list of a womanâ€™s expectations/needs in a love relationship cannot be exhausted, but one thing for sure is, you can study, understand and relate with your spouse according to her peculiar need. Men should also realise that they are doing themselves a great favour by pleasing their spouses because â€œyou reap what you sow.â€
Once a woman is happy in a relationship and feels fulfilled, the man will experience even greater success in life.