17th June, 2011
Insecurity is not a problem attributed to only one gender, it knocks on the door of every heart and leaves you with the option of whether to open the door and welcome it or guard your heart with great diligence. The most touching of them all is when a child is raised by insecure parents and tends to acquire it as part of life. We can confidently trace some problems in the society today to the way a child feels about him or herself. Someone once asked “why are the poor and downtrodden always violent and dangerous?†The answer is clear and very simple; they feel left out in life. It may also surprise you to hear that they have little or no value for life since already, there is a sense of deprivation.
Realising they are on the other side of life makes people want to try some funny things; perhaps they may gain influence or power over others or be recognised, feared or loved, after all. This explains why cultism, prostitution, bullying, withdrawal, etc., is on the increase. Be it in marriage or social stratum, attitude stands people out. Your past is inevitable as it forms the foundation of your future and life as a whole. Different encounters we have daily with colleagues, friends and associates simply tell us, to a great extent, what theyâ€
This, indeed, should be an eye opener for us parents. Did it ever occur to you that that teenage girl of yours is hanging out with that irresponsible boy just because he says nice things to her? He doesnâ€
On the other hand, Justin, a university undergraduate, was asked why heâ€
I want to believe insured people are never really happy. Itâ€
Generally, insecurity is given birth to when you feel there is something you are lacking in life and if others have it, may either look down on you or not want to be associated with you at all. This becomes more challenging when a man or woman starts feeling the spouse is meeting and mingling more with people of higher standard than them either at work or play and may tend to appreciate or want to be with them.
Get rid of that negative perception of yourself; you are special, if not he or she would have chosen to marry someone else. Donâ€
In most cases, the experience of past relationships makes insecurity come so real. If you have trusted your spouse with all you had and ended up being cheated and abandoned, it may take a great effort for someone to convince you to give love another chance, even when they are genuine. Growing with this suspicion makes you:
(a) See problems where none exists: The fact that your last relationship broke just at the point before marriage is most likely to make you suspect your next love any time he or she starts to keep a distance. Once thereâ€
(b) Act in an overprotective manner: You cannot hide the fact that you donâ€
(c) Always threaten your spouse with what you have.
(d) Provoke the other party to jealousy.
(e) Say things to stir reaction.
(f) Flirt with people to prove youâ€
Self assurance is the antidote for insecurity; whatever good thing (education, new job, new wardrobe, holiday, spending time with friends, etc.), you think can help you feel fulfilled, go for it and think well of who you are and what you can do. Note that we were not born to be the same; life is better with our differences. Be proud and happy to be you.