8th July, 2011
I wrote this article for the ladies after taking a close look at their choices and listening to some of their discussions about their dream man. I have also decided to write to the men today because men are no longer what they used to be. Men were known for discernment and strength of character in those days, but we now live in a time when men no longer appreciate values.
I donâ€™t know when outward beauty started being a condition for marriage. I see guys shake whenever an outwardly beautiful girl passes by. I hear guys look at some women with words like â€œchei, if I have a girl like this in my house, my dear, I no get problem again for life.â€ Let me tell you the truth, you are lying to yourself and still living in a world of fantasy.
In those days, men send their parents and relations to find out everything necessary about their potential wife. They looked beyond the physical in their relationship with women. Men got married to women not because of their family background or beautiful legs and skin, but because of virtue.
What do we have now in the dating arena? Men no longer profess love to a girl that is not â€œbeautiful.â€
Yes, I know we all appreciate good things and it is not wrong to admire Godâ€™s creativity, but you need to apply self control and wisdom in whatever you do.
When I walk on the road and people admire me, I always donâ€™t fail to remind them that outward beauty is only temporal. Whatever the good features are, they all go with age. The only kind of beauty that lasts in a woman is the beauty of the mind, heart and soul. A beautiful woman without character is like a gold ring in a pigâ€™s snout. When you eventually find yourself in the same house with her, your life becomes miserable.
Outward beauty is not everything when it comes to marriage and the search for a life partner. You are now looking for the girl to present to your friends and get them to respect you more for the choice of a people’s woman, but the fact is that in few years to come, you will look for a woman to take away from your friends into the deepest part of your heart.
You are now looking at the wrong things and enjoying every bit of the game. You are in love with that girl because she is beautiful with straight legs, full boobs, Beyonce kind of bum, hazel eyes (even when itâ€™s contact lens), lovely accent and she knows how to play the game with you. You are about taking her into your home, but have you tried to find out if she is a wife material?
A girl who takes you to the club every night will never make a good wife. If in your careless living, you settle for her, a day will come when she will use the bottle on your head.
That girl you are dating now that spends every weekend moving from one social function to the other will never create time for your home when you become man and wife. You should be ready to spend half of your fortune on aso-ebi.
Have you taken out time to check out her friends? She is whatever her friends are. I donâ€™t care how much she tries to convince you of her being a different person.
What about her mother? You need to look deep and see the stuff her mother is made of. If you get married to a girl whose mother knows every native doctor in town, chances are you are not too safe with her. If her mother runs a beer parlour where she messes up with men hitting her bum, she will grow not to have regard for men. If her mother is the type that disregard their husband, your woman will either become the head of the house eventually or swear never to go the way of the mother. But it is only a few that actually do it differently.
I hear men talk about girls who are able to satisfy them sexually. There is more to marriage than mere sex.
I want you to ask yourself these questions before settling down with her:
â€¢Does she love God and the things of God? A prayerful woman will help you through the rough times.
â€¢Why is she in love with me?
â€¢Will she love me if I have none of these things?
â€¢Can I trust her with my friends?
â€¢Is she interested in the success of my relations?
â€¢How good is she in the kitchen?
â€¢Can she work with her hands?
â€¢Can I trust her to stand by me when the road is rough?
â€¢What kind of mother will she be to my children?
â€¢What about her relationship with her parents?
Why not try and take some of those good things away from her and see how she reacts in the next few months. I want you to become a man, a Nigerian man again. I want you to begin to look beyond the outward and start checking out spirits. Ask yourself some of these questions and then tell yourself if you really love her.
â€¢Why do I love her?
â€¢What got me attracted to her?
â€¢What qualities of a true African woman are available in her?
â€¢Can I still love her in the next 30 years when all the beauty is gone?
â€¢Can I love her even when she is not able to give me a child?
I believe your answers to the above questions will tell you if truly you love her. The worst mistake you will make is to look out for a Miss Nigeria when it comes to marriage. Most of those beautiful girls are good only when the going is good and they are good for the dates and not for keeps.
You met her in the night club and she followed you home that same night. You went to a friendâ€™s party and she jumped into your car, TDB. Did your father meet your mother at the night club? Did your mother shamelessly give her body to your father the same night they met? Then use your tongue to count your teeth.
We ignore these little foxes, but they are those things that spoil the vine. I donâ€™t know about Muslims, but if you are a Christian, I keep saying it that it is not the duty of a woman to find a man. Any girl that professes love continuously to you is nothing but cheap and any girl that keeps pestering you for marriage has lost her pride as a woman; she has ceased from being a woman.
Real women donâ€™t lazy around and parade themselves along the streets. Check the Bible and you will find the qualities of those good wives like Ruth, Rebekah, Rachael and Esther.
Ruth was in the field working tirelessly when Boaz met her. Rebekah went to the well to fetch water for her fatherâ€™s flock when Abrahamâ€™s servant met her. Esther was beautified and reserved for King Ahasuerus; she was not desperate. Rachael did not force herself on Jacob; he had to serve Laban for extra seven years just to have her.
Guys, good girls donâ€™t come cheap. They keep themselves busy doing what they should be doing and in the process of staying in the calling for their life, Mr. Right finds them. Avoid those desperate ones. I have seen men live the rest of their lives in regret because they allowed themselves to get carried away by a womanâ€™s outward beauty, thereby missing the girl’s destiny prepared for them. Today, they are miserable and constantly in pain, but it is too late to cry.