8th July, 2011
Marriage-based discussions, we can confidently say, are regular topics of the young and single in our society today as the desire to be married is gradually turning an obsession and above all, weâ€™ve decided to educate the minds of lovers to remain warm till death do them part.
So sad to face is the truth that very few couples have what it takes to sustain the excitement felt at the beginning of the journey. They discover so soon the flaws of the other party, complain, compare and dream of ways of escape rather than work on how to make it work. Interestingly, people can only advise you on how to bring vigour to your relationship but they canâ€™t possibly do it for you. It takes your will and effort to attain success.
The following steps have been suggested for your marital bliss.Set a goal for the marriage and work towards it:
It is most often said that when purpose is not defined, abuse is inevitable. The purpose of a thing determines the goal. It is the vision you have for your relationship that will guide your attitude. A fellow who has no vision is just wasting time on earth because thereâ€™s little he can achieve. People perish because of lack of knowledge. It could be very useful to the relationship if you both could sit together and analyse your goal. By so doing, youâ€™ll be sure â€˜youâ€™re not building castles in the airâ€™ and also be a partaker of what is about to happen. When two agree over an adventure, itâ€™s no longer a secret and the mere thought of not being alone is quite soothing.
Do to others what youâ€™ll love them do to you:
This is where sincerity comes to play. There is no gain in cheating on your partner. The saying that what is good for the goose is also good for the gander should be taken seriously. It is amazing the rate at which bad words and unbefitting treatment parade the corridors of relationships. Although there is a question of tradition coming to play in some circumstances, generally, what is bad remains bad, we should not hide behind tradition and treat our spouses as slaves or second-class citizens. Show love and make them feel a part of you.
Value the time you spend together:
The quality of time you allocate to a venture reveals the value you have for it. Time is precious and important to success, give your union the luxury of preference just the way you value your job. Taking time here and there should not be overlooked at all as it makes your spouse feel wanted and appreciated. Your privacy is necessary for the growth of your relationship, while children should most times be kept away from such moments except you have agree to share the special time with the whole family. Be kind enough to propose outings that will foster your relationship and make the most of every opportunity.
Watch your expectations:
There is nothing wrong with having great dreams and aiming high in whatever you do. In fact, it is a mark of greatness. But everything is wrong with having unrealistic and ungodly desire which is far beyond your reach. The earlier you realise that each relationship is unique with its challenges and comfort, the better youâ€™ll be able to cope with yours. We no doubt accept that good things are worth emulating, but not at the expense of your spouse. Live within your reach and watch that outrageous demand you make on your loved one.
Emphasize the positive:
Human beings are naturally pruned to fault finding and condemnation. Thereâ€™s a saying that a man who finds fault never finds anything else. We should be sincere enough to admit that no human is infallible. Change your focus from what your spouse is not doing well to what you like in him/her, dwell on that good part and gently express your desire to see changes where necessary. An average person avoids criticisms and their sources.
Friendship is one very scarce ingredient of a good marriage. People are ready to do just anything than be friends. The single use of the word FRIEND depicts closeness; a home where there is no â€˜village headmaster or monsterâ€™ and absolute freedom with self expression is the order of the day. Friends share secret and whisper even into the night, talking about everything whether good or bad, disagree and make amends with the hope of staying together.
Let bygones be bygones:
Our ability to move ahead after a misunderstanding is a clear indication that we are mature. As long as two different individuals relate, there is no way there wouldnâ€™t be offence. Stressing the point/cause of problems is only adding to its effect. Never allow little things to rob you of the opportunity to experience true love in future.
Learn to forgive:
To err, we know, is human, but to forgive is divine. How nice will it be for us to be partakers of this divine nature? By forgiving others you are simply preparing grounds for your own forgiveness.
Itâ€™s good to say Iâ€™m sorry:
The word â€˜sorryâ€™ is as soothing as healing balm in the midst of severe pains. Anyone who knows how to make use of â€˜sorryâ€™ will seldom be found condemned. It takes humility to say sorry (the way it should be said). People find so many ways to express the fact that they are sorry but I still recommend verbal expression. Gifts are good but your words are priceless.
Share feelings regularly:
The need for effective communication in relationships can never be over emphasised. Help your spouse by telling him/her exactly the way you feel about issues and work together to achieve solutions where possible.
Overcome boredom, surprise each other:
Introduce new things in the relationship and explore your sense of creativity. Every opportunity of bringing pleasant surprises should not be ignored.
Medical scientists have discovered that laughter is essential to health, go for things that will make your partner laugh and enjoy life together.