12th July, 2011
I started this topic two weeks ago and promised concluding it last week,but you know,as humans, we sometimes forget. I treated a different topic last week and it was only when readers started sending messages that I remembered.
Okay, I said I am going to let you know some of those things you should be looking out for in a man if you really want to spend the rest of your life with him.
I recently asked a friend whose wife is a judge why they share so much intimacy even at old age. He looked at me and said,â€ My dear, there is nothing as sweet as getting married to your best friend.â€ They became friends right from secondary school and read law together and here they are today, married for more than 30 years with the love stronger than ever.
Before you consider marriage, try to reach a particular level of friendship with him. You must get to that level where you donâ€™t hide anything from each other. You must get to that point where that man becomes your number one fan. You both must celebrate each otherâ€™s success and tolerate weaknesses (if you can). You should strive to become his best friend to the point that he hides nothing from you, not even his failures. In this kind of relationship,you talk to each other about failures and aspirations without the fear of rejection. Make up your minds to forgive each other no matter how grievous the offence is. This is friendship and it is better experienced than read.
Dont forget;you can never be his best friend if he notices that all you are after is his pocket. You cannot call him your best friend if all you tell him is the good and not the bad and ugly. How many times have you fasted and prayed for the success of that man you are in a relationship with? How many times have you denied yourself of pleasure just for him? You claim he is your fiancÃ©, but while he is sad over the loss of a job or business, you are getting ready to catch another prey and even when you pretend to be with him, someone else is somewhere paying the bills. My dear, this is deception and nature hates it. Try to be that friend that sticks closer than a brother.
The next thing you have to look out for is vision. I donâ€™t think it is right looking out for the ready-made man who will close down Lagos roads for your wedding. One thing I have realised is that so many of those â€œrich menâ€ are empty upstairs. Many of them got the money through the wrong means while others stumbled on it by chance and so there was no adequate preparation for their new status.
All I want is a man with vision, achievable one, for his life. I admire men who can tell you stories of their progress and when you listen to them you see the different stages of growth in their lives. You want that rich guy who lives in a highbrow area and drives one of the best cars. By the time you enter his house, your song will change from â€œI am blessedâ€toâ€œwhen I shall see my homeâ€.
Have you wondered how that money was made? I remember a friend who is a big time oil and gas baron telling his story. This guy was dumped by a girl he loved so much while he was going for NYSC just because the girl said he had no future. The girl later got married to a very rich Port Harcourt big boy. Today, that small hopeless boy has become a billionaire while her rich man turned her to a punching bag and as I am writing this, the marriage is over.
A pastor, last week, brought out his wife and reminded her of something she said when he asked for her hand in marriage and wasnâ€™t sure because there were many rich guys on her neck. She said, â€œIf it were for money, I wonâ€™t say yes to you, but I see you as a man after Godâ€™s heart and I know you will love me with Godâ€™s kind of loveâ€. When you see this woman today, you see a woman who has so much peace and is glowing, not from make-up, because she rarely wears one, but from the love and adoration she gets from her husband. I have been there and I can tell you; money is never an answer. Love is far stronger than money and many waters cannot quench the fire of true love.
Have you taken a close look at his friends for you to determine what kind of a man he is? If his married friends visit his home now with other women and they see nothing wrong in that, he will go the same way. You are there serving them and making friends with the girls now, someone will enjoy your own pain someday. We shouldnâ€™t go on in our mistakes, itâ€™s time for change.
How honest is he? I know girls are playing games with guys, but they too are into it. It is possible that guy you are in a relationship with has five other women and he tells them the same thing as you. You need to be smarter than you are. I donâ€™t think you should set out to fight the other girls because of a man; he should deal with it if he truly wants you in his life. Why should you go down so low as to fight a woman because of a man? Girl, pack your bags and take a walk before itâ€™s too late for you. If that man truly loves and appreciates you, he will come for you.
I receive questions from readers asking for my opinion on the state of their relationship in which the guy tells them not to bother about their dating other girls because they are the ones for the keeps. My answer to that question is this; if the guy is free to date other women while you are the chosen one for the altar, he will go on playing the game when you are in the house; after all you are the owner of the house. It is only a woman without shame, a woman who has lost her pride that should be in a relationship with that kind of man.
We live in such a time when men are extremely greedy and lazy. A man who loves you will always give to you no matter the amount you make yourself. It is not about the price of the gift, but the heart. I see men tell their women they will never give a particular thing to her because itâ€™s special; that man knows nothing called love. A man who cannot give that special thing to you is only saying one thing, â€œYou are not as special as this item.â€
I see some Nigerian girls get engaged to a man living abroad and actually go ahead to marry them without finding out things about them. They come down here and tell you they are married, but to a white lady and now they want to get married to a Nigerian. Is he properly divorced? What is his reason for leaving that woman?
He wants to get married to a black and you are the Nigerian mumu. You donâ€™t want to listen to people now; I am sure you will tomorrow because by the time he goes back to his base after the society wedding, he begins to talk to you only during the day.
A guy who is truly in love with you and appreciates you will always find time of fellowship with you. Women like to make up excuses for men like, â€œHe doesnâ€™t because heâ€™s busy,â€ or, â€œHe is just a shy person.â€ Honey, you ought to know by now that when a man wants something, he wants it! And heâ€™ll do whatever it takes to get it. Donâ€™t get me wrong; he wonâ€™t tell you to have a baby outside marriage just because he wants to keep you.
Some of the happiest married women can tell you that their husbands werenâ€™t what they wanted physically before they got married to them. But now in their eyes, he is the finest thing walking! Why the sudden transformation? Because these women married godly menâ€”men surrendered to Godâ€™s precepts on caring for women. And who could ever resist a helping of love topped with the best treatment?
There is something pretty irresistible about a man who can pray and whose heart is tender, who walks in accordance with spiritual principles. You know you are covered; heâ€™s got your back. He can cover you and love you like no other and you will share a level of intimacy with this man that you cannot even understand.
We also tend to look at age. I donâ€™t think it matters, but it could if you are so much interested in the physical. There are men who are young and mature and there are men who are very old, but the best thing to happen to any lady. The only painful thing is that when Nigerian women settle for a much older man, it is mostly for one thing-his wealth. What matters is true love and not wealth. When you decide to say yes to that older man, please be sure you are doing that out of pure love for him.
Donâ€™t miss your blessing by looking at the wrong thing. You donâ€™t think all these successful men in the world started off that way, do you? Of course not! They climbed and climbed until they reached their goal. And most likely some woman was right there beside him all the way.
I must say this; some ladies have decided not to be involved with another man simply because they have been severely injured by men. The problem is that you gave your heart to the wrong people. You opened up to men without conscience who came around just for another fling with a woman. You looked at the wrong things and so your heart was torn in pieces. Donâ€™t give up on love; get up and try again, but with more caution and wisdom.
Ask God for wisdom; sure He will fill you up to the brim.