Readers' Reactions

Aunty Amara,

I thank you so much for your article Nigerian Women And widowhood. It reminded me of what my mother went through some years back. I am from Abia State and my father died ten years after marriage, while my mother was in her late 20s then. My dad’s relatives drove us out of our house and we were shared among them. My mother was told to go back to her place when she refused to sleep with any of them. Later, when she saw they were not taking care of us, she rented a house and started business. My mother is not educated, my father was and was a banker, but things turned upside down for us when he had the auto crash. But I thank GOD for my mother who prospered in her business and was able to build a small place in the outskirts our village and managed to train me in the university. I remember all her cries and anguish whenever I asked for money and how she struggled until I got through school. All these affected me because I can’t bring out myself to marry. I am afraid and don’t want to go through all my mother suffered. I was born in 1982 and I am very beautiful but I can’t forget my past.

—Blessing.

Dear Blessing,

I read your message in tears; it is well. I don’t know what to say, I will try to fix a meeting with you. You must grow out of your pain and fears. I agree with you and I know it won’ t be easy, but my dear, you can handle it. Those experiences made you what you are today. You must begin to see the good side of that pain. I am sure you learnt some lessons from that experience. Remember, God promised to be with you when you go through fire and water. He was with you and that is why you are alive to tell the story. You can only become successful if you make your testimony complete by overcoming your fears and making yourself an agent of change. I believe God will touch other lives through your testimony.

 

Amara,

I like the sincerity of purpose in your write ups and pray that God will continue to use you to liberate your people, especially the Igbo who are indoctrinated into certain cultural values at a very tender age, that are long overdue for a change, talking about high cost of marriage (which the woman most times support because of her parents), the women folk thinking the man must provide all as the bread winner (and not a collective effort), they see the extended family above the nuclear (which easily make in laws to swindle properties from the bereaved).

—Joshua

 

Men And Infidelity: What Have Womenh Got To Do With It?

Dear Amara,

I know there is something about you, the confidence, no pretence and intelligence. This is a good one, go ahead and spread the gospel.

—Chief Uchendu Jnr., Okpala

 

Dear Amara,

I love your article! True talk! But I have a case at hand, it is just the other way round. The lady is homely, looks good, takes good care of herself, children, the house and she is also a good cook. But the hubby is just the opposite; dirty, unkempt, nags and accuses the wife of adultery because she always looks good.

—BB

My Dear BB,

This is a very common case in Nigerian homes. Whenever the lady starts taking good care of herself, people around accuse her of infidelity. Another reason this happens is low self-esteem on the part of the man. She must devise a way to help him overcome this very killer problem. But if the man is the type that has ego problem, it would be very difficult. Please, don’t forget, prayer moves mountains.

 

Amara,

I encourage you once gain to use everything the Lord has given you to bless other people. I suppose it was a little beginning when you started but because the Lord’s hand is upon it, many around the world shall feel, if not see the impact of your gift. I would be having a seminar on the Ideal Christian Home with 198 church leaders from my locality, but your article has added great value to what God intends to use me to do for my generation. Keep on the good work my dear and God shall grant you the grace to do more.

—Tanimu

Dear Tanimu,

Thanks for appreciating what I do. I return all the glory to God and count myself privileged to be a change agent in our society. We are all created for some purpose and what you are able to attain lies solely on how well you allow your hidden, God-given potential, to be used for the good of mankind.

 

Amara,

This is a masterpiece. Women go through a lot to satisfy their husbands, but more times, they are frustrated. I personally love to look good always whether at home or not. I know how to take care of my man, be it food, home keeping and otherwise. Women should please learn to take good care of themselves, not just for the man, but for their own health. Men, too, should be more accommodating and learn to talk to their wives. For the fat women, a simple workout will help to reduce your weight. Once it is 6 p.m., desist from eating any heavy food and go on fruits. Love yourselves and be determined.

—Helyna

 

Seducing Spirits In The Church

Hi Amara,

Your piece is very educative and eye opening. It is also a bold step to tell the truth. A lot of people, especially Nigerians, have turned the church premises, where things are supposed to be holy, to satanic and beastly place. Jesus preached to unholy people, but never encouraged immorality and indecency as a lot of pastors do nowadays. He will never allow half naked women to be displaying their boobs, masquerading as ushers and church workers. Where do you hold your talks and seminars?

—Ola

 

Amara,

I wish all our ladies read this. It’s very disgusting nowadays in most churches. Ladies’ styles are something else and I pray the churches save the situation before it goes out of hand. Actually, we should not judge them with the dressing but what we see nowadays is too revealing for a true Christian. Who are we displaying those boobs for; the pastors or would be suitors? Please do not stop speaking. Who knows, they may have a change of heart. God bless you greatly

—Segun

 

Dear Amara,

I have a female friend whose pastor used to have sex with and the man is married. This lady has been complaining and instead of the pastor changing his evil ways, he is threatening to close down the shop he opened for her, while the lady is confused because the shop is her only means of livelihood.

—John

Dear John,

The first step to her freedom is a decision to take a walk even if it means losing what she has. Why should she allow the fake pastor to keep her hostage? Please, tell her to walk away and if he tries to do anything stupid, she should go ahead and expose him.

 

Amara,

The pastors know and they can talk about it, but they won’t. While I was younger, the main focus of the church was heaven, but the story is now different as all the pastors want from you is more money and a large congregation. Young, rich men are attracted by these filthily dressed women, thereby increasing the church’s population.

—Imo

 

Dear Amara,

These men and women of God have willing preys. The pastors encourage a willing congregation. See how ladies, both single and married, lust for them. Guess how many marriages have been destroyed or at the brink of destruction because of all these nonsense? Just watch, at the end of every church service or mass, you will see that the pastors and revrend fathers receive mainly female admirers. These women are not even ashamed of what the congregation will say about them and don’t even care how their husbands feel. It is a very shameful development.

—Tony

 

Amara,

I’m happy you are exposing the nakedness of the women folk. I love you for your sincerity, because some women would not have gone this far in exposing their fellow women. I pray for these men of God everyday because the level of temptation from the women folk these days is beyond human comprehension. It is only the hand of God that will set them free. A friend was telling me of a woman who had been putting pressure on her pastor to give it to her and at some point, she told the man to his face that he wasn’t a man. The devil being what he is, made the man, who decided to show her that he is not impotent, by giving her what she needed, just that once and she got pregnant. This brought an end to the man’s ministry in that area as he was thrown out of the church like a thief just because of the temptation of one woman. May God help us!

—Stan

 

She Was A Bad Girl, So What?

Amara,

You have done it again, bravo, you are wonderful. Love! Love! Love! It is a big and small word but very difficult to practise by people. Giving alms, sharing food and distributing old clothes are also ways that we can show love, but rather, people prefer to pay tithes to pastors who either buy private jets and own businesses, etc., while the church members suffer untold hardship. We all make mistakes in life and must be hopeful that better days are coming. A lot of people are homeless, jobless and unlovable. I pray this article of yours touches people’s heart. It is important to show love because it would make the world a peaceful place to live in.

—Helyna

 

Amara,

This is a good one, you have indeed affected a life. God is using you to wipe away tears of some people and to some, you have brought a relief. This is the purpose of our living.

—Tunde

 

Amara,

This issue is complex; women are worst enemies of the women folk. Most women are jealous of other women and if a man suggests to his wife that they should assist a once ”notorious woman” who is now in a mess, if care is not taken, his wife would suspect him of personal interest or may even accuse him of having an affair or showing too much interest in another woman. Once the case leaves the house, other women who hear it would start running the man down. Men are restricted for their wives’ sake. Please talk to your sisters, too many of our women are too self-centred. The other side is that when you advise some girls to desist from their ungodly ways, you become their enemies, you are not civilised, old fashioned, etc., there are consequences for our actions, freedom without responsibility is destructive. Forgiveness, yes, but they should accept responsibility for their action. They should cry and face the reality and learn a hard lesson to tell other young girls of the foolishness of their ways.

—Osaye

 

Hi Amara,

I did not start reading you until a couple of weeks ago and l must confess, you write some thought-provoking essays. You are my star. May the awesome God bless you and fill you with wisdom to pen more insightful pieces. Amen. Sister, say it again, forgiveness is the way, but unfortunately, it’s in short supply in our society. Amara, flog them all.

—John