6th September, 2011
I am going to say this truth because the time is ripe for me to say it. A lot of people keep talking about this with their heads under the table as we all want to play safe at all times. I am going to say this raw truth and then wait for the bullets that will come to me. Like I always tell people, I think more about God and His feelings. He has always given me the grace and strength to handle the bullets.
Fellow Nigerian women, I want to tell you the truth I know in God and nothing but the truth. It pains my heart when I meet with women whose hearts are bleeding because of one heartless man somewhere who does not remember he came from a woman. To my utmost bewilderment, a good number of these wicked men are those who carry the Bible and Koran on their heads for all to see.
Marriage is one great sacred institution that will either make or mar you in life. Many women were whole before they got into marriage, but they are now in pieces in that union. A lot of women are bleeding and confused and like my friend said, they are merely existing and not living.
Many women have lost their parents because of pain they see their daughters go through in their homes.
It is always worse when the woman is from a poor background with no one to stand against the man. I went through it and I know what I am talking about here. The woman gets to a point where she is even afraid of letting people know she is dying. What do you think is one of the reasons we see obituaries of very young women on the pages of newspapers?
Our culture and religion have put it in such a way that women are made to remain in marriage because of what the society will think of them or because the church will strip them of all the titles or because they must be there for the children. Remember, he who fights and run lives to fight another day. I know there are many evil and wicked women who are not ready to have peace in their homes, but there are also a good number of them who are godly and virtuous. I have even realised that often times, it is the good and godly women that are put through pain in marriage.
I once asked this question in a forum on Facebook and the answers I got were quite interesting. A lot of people concluded that good men and women go through problems because people will always try to take advantage of others who are nice and peaceful.
We read and heard recently the murder of Titi by her husband. I even heard that she tried to leave the marriage at different times, knowing what she was going through, but as usual, she was advised to hang on there. Now, Titi is gone and for those holier-than-thou Nigerians who believe she must remain there, I have the following questions to ask: Where is Titi and what is happening to the child now? She died in bitterness, what then is her place in that eternity you are talking about? Titi is gone and the daughter is childless and I am sure none of those miserable comforters of Titi will ever ask after the motherless child.
The funny thing here is that people will always try to follow the crowd when it comes to advising others who are not related to them, but by the time it comes to them, they do otherwise. A pastor insists on a young choir member forfeiting her studies for choir practice, but when it was his daughter’s turn, she was asked not to attend Bible study but read her books.
A clergy tells a young woman in an abusive relationship to remain there because it is for better or worse, but when it is his daughter’s turn, he goes himself to take her away.
Women lost their lives all in a bid to stay in there for their children. Did you get married just for the children? And what happens when you die out of heartbreak leaving those children motherless? They will grow up with the memory of your pain and death.
For those of you who believe it is always better to stay together for the sake of the children and killing yourselves, in the process of my counselling couples, I have found out that children in troubled marriages turn out worse than those from a single mother or father.
As a matter of fact, when a woman is single, godly and responsible, the children become like her and live their lives wanting to be as responsible and strong as the mother. Yes, if not managed properly, the kids get affected, but recently, a girl told me she is afraid of marriage after seeing all that her mother went through in the hands of her father.
Also, know that when boys grow up to see their father always beat their mother, there is every tendency for them to become abusive and bitter all through their lives.
Marriage is a very beautiful experience that makes you live longer only when you are in it with your friend. I always tell people that it is only a weak woman that leaves a marriage simply because the husband is cheating on her. A real woman will stand and face the battle to keep her home in peace, but not when it has to do with your life.
We all remember the story of the Immigration woman who was asked by friends and family to return to her husband after years of separation for the sake of her son. She returned and was murdered by the man just one week after.
Women, never leave your home because a man is cheating on you; you can forgive. Never leave because his people are all against you because that makes you weak. Do all in your power to keep your home and if the man is one of those who want their women to stay jobless, it’s a very shameful thing for him to do and I pray he realises early that you are an individual who must live to fulfil your own destiny on earth. You can tolerate those things, but never allow anyone to tell you to stay in an abusive relationship. Once the man comes with domestic violence, please run for your dear life; your children will prefer having you alive and divorced than having you dead. This is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth; if anyone has something contradictory, he or she should put the daughter or sister in a physically abusive relationship.