30th September, 2011
It is gradually becoming acceptable in our society. Infidelity has suddenly become something to be proud of. Men used to hide their extra marital affairs from their wives and friends, but it has suddenly become a thing to be proud of as they now flaunt their wives more than their girlfriends. It is no longer something to be hidden from friends and relations.
A good number of men claim to be married to just one woman, but the truth is that I am beginning to respect those with two or three legally married wives because of what I see in the Nigeria of today. Men now claim to be living better than our forefathers who had more than one wife and took care of all. But the truth is that they are in no way better than our fathers, they are only smarter than they were.
We now live in a civilised world where men carry the Bible and Koran on one hand, while they use the other to commit all sorts of crime. People keep using religious words and titles just to cover up for different atrocities they perpetrate. In fact, the pew is now more sanctified than the pulpit. Why go on preaching against people with two wives when you have five girls in your church and two from each church you visit? Why do you claim to be very polished and educated that you canâ€™t imagine yourself with two wives when God knows you have ten already?
Immorality has become the order of the day and men are playing the game very well. A man can confidently keep two women in the same hotel room with no feeling of guilt. Men now throw parties just to gain access to the women folk. Parties in Nigeria have suddenly become means to an end.
When you talk about a man loving his wife, the first thing that comes to the mind of several Nigerian men is money and how well he takes care of her. Love is not about the material things you are able to give the woman. Yes, love gives, but in several ways. You can give the whole world to a woman and still have no place in her heart.
It is unfortunate that women of today attach so much importance to wealth and material acquisition. There is this craze for money among the women folk and this is what is making men believe that all a woman needs is money and fame.
Your problem is that you have not met the real woman because when you do, you will realise there is more to do to win a womanâ€™s heart than just throwing money around.
Men always complain of losing the respect and love they were getting from their wives just because they became broke. I know there are women who will turn their back on you the moment you become broke and that is why you must have to be extremely careful and wise when it comes to marriage. But I also know there are very nice and godly women who are forced to behave that way because of the way the man treated them when the money was there.
I am not saying you did not give her money; you gave her money and material things to the point that everybody saw it on her. But the problem is that she was aware of the other girl outside, who you bought the same things for. This is what led a woman here in VGC to mastermind the kidnap of her husband.
According to her, she laboured for years and lived with this man in a one-room apartment only for him to start taking care of different women and giving them much more than he gives her. From the kidnap, she got N70 million and they are still living together as husband and wife.
That woman was by you through your years of pain, she cried when you cried and went through the wilderness with you. Now you are the managing director of Bank… and she has suddenly become too old and fat in your eyes and she is no longer up to your class and so you need another one by the side to show off.
I once raised this issue on Facebook; how many men are proud to have the picture of their wives on the wall? All sorts of atrocities go on in the offices and social networking sites. Men always come up with this defence of not wanting to mix their public life with their personal life. In other things, I agree, but definitely not on the issue of flaunting your wife!
If you are not ashamed of her, you will have her picture on your table in the office. If you are proud to be a married man, you will have your wifeâ€™s picture on your Facebook wall because this is a very good way to keep some of those devourers away. I am not saying this is an assurance that you are not cheating, it only shows that even when you are cheating, you are still very proud of your wife.
I am not in support of cheating, but I made that comment because I know many on Facebook that even have pictures of them kissing their wives as their profile pictures and yet their girlfriends are there. I once asked to know why a good number of married men donâ€™t wear their wedding ring. You see them wear all kinds of dressy rings, but wearing of their wedding ring is a no-go area. My male friends came up with this excuse that some of them have grown fatter with the food the woman cooks and so they can no longer fit into their wedding rings.
They have the money to constantly change their fashion rings, but they have grown too fat for their wedding rings. Sir, there is no excuse for injustice; that woman, with all her weight gain, still has her wedding ring on and here you are telling me yours is too small for you. I agree, but I also know that just as you change your other rings, you can place an order for a new set of wedding rings.
How would you feel when your very beautiful wife starts leaving the house without her wedding ring? That is exactly the way she feels when you start putting up attitudes showing for your marriage. If from the onset you objected to a white wedding or you married without a ring, like some churches do, it becomes a different case altogether, but when you wholeheartedly had a white wedding and had the priest bless the ring, sir, there is no acceptable reason not to wear it.
A woman sent me a mail lamenting how Facebook and Twitter have taken over her husband. If not for the women you are after on Facebook, what will make you use your whole day on it at the expense of your relationship? I use Facebook and Twitter, but I can never ignore that man I claim to love or my children just because I have to be with friends; what friends?
A lot is going on now on Facebook and I learnt there are some pages where girls now go nude for men. Ladies, you have to watch out and be on the alert to know what your man is up to. I am not saying you should start a fight, be wise about it.
Men, this is the 21st century when women are the ones going after men and being proud about it. They are out looking for precious souls to destroy. A good number of women, both single and married, are into all sorts of things on Facebook and it can take only a disciplined man to stay off their hook.
I have grown to accept one thing; being disciplined is not about spirituality. I know God can give you the grace for the change you need, but it takes more than too much prayer. Discipline is about you making a decision to stand against all odds. If it is about spirituality and too much prayer, a lot of our pastors wonâ€™t be committing the atrocities they are into. In fact, I have friends who are free thinkers and I can tell you that a good number of them are disciplined to the extreme.
I know it is tough to live a life of decency and fidelity. Women now dress to kill, but you can refuse to be killed because God has given you the power. Take your eyes off that female staff that is all over you. Forget about those fine faces you see on Facebook; a good number of them are fatter than your wife at home, while some use pictures of relations and friends. By the time you see them physically, nobody will tell you to run home.
Be a one-woman kind of a man.