11th October, 2011
I decided to write this article today due to the series of messages I received from men thanking me for letting them know what the women folk want and asking me to help them by talking to the women for a balanced relationship.
Some people criticize me for always not balancing my articles. I do two articles every weekâ€”Tuesday is for women while Friday is strictly for men.
If you meet 10 women differently and ask them to tell you what it is that men want in a relationship, their answers would be predictable. It is not different when you ask men what they want from their woman. You will get all the answers acceptable to the society, but the truth is that what men say they want is, in most cases, different from what they actually want. This article, if well read and assimilated could bring the change you need in your relationship.
Every man wants a woman who will make him feel good and on top. If a woman understands that the best way to make a man feel good in a relationship is simply by being a woman, that woman will have the man, a real man, go places for her.
I laugh when women, during my counselling sessions complain of their in-laws calling them witches and accusing them of using juju to control him. I want you to hear this: if as a married woman, you have not been accused of such, there is something you are not doing right or true love and friendship is absent in your relationship. Men, most times believe they are the head; I agree they are the head, but when it comes to control, the woman is actually in control of the man (you may not understand this now).
Before writing this article, I talked to several men and with the knowledge gained from my counselling sessions, I bring to your knowledge those things that will make your man go the extra mile for you.
Donâ€™t stop professing love
A good number of women are good when it comes to romance before marriage, but once they enter the manâ€™s house, it becomes a battle ground. I was opportune to counsel a woman who was well known as a flirt when she was single. When I encountered her, she was the opposite of all she was. This made me to remember what my aunty told me sometime, â€œthere is the law of diminishing returnsâ€. You donâ€™t have to stop those sweet words just because you are now his wife; he still yearns for those beautiful words.
Centre of Interest
Most men want to be the centre of a womanâ€™s interest, whether that is fair or not, and donâ€™t want her devotion to work placed above her devotion to him. I know men in this generation donâ€™t like getting married to a woman who will become a liability, but they also want a woman who will somehow depend on them.
Women often feel men detest career women just because they are independent; you are very wrong. As a very busy woman and one who wants to touch lives in her generation, I have come to realise that men are not really against us because we are busy and have good source of income. They are attracted to women like us because of their level of intelligence and commitment to work.
The problem is that when they get close to you, they are disappointed by your â€œI donâ€™t need a manâ€ attitude. Yes, you work hard for your money, but he still wants to be brought in when it comes to certain decisions.
More feminine look
Men are visual; everyone knows. To a good number of men, even when they go after semi-nude women, they still adore women who have those feminine looks. Your feminine look catches a manâ€™s attention and makes him see you as a woman who loves being a woman and not a sex toy.
I remember one evening at Ikoyi Club when men made so many beautiful comments about my flowing dress and dropping ear rings. There were ladies there who dressed half naked, but didnâ€™t get the kind of compliments I got. I am saying this to let you know that your look says so much about you. Donâ€™t go on making that mistake of believing men love you semi-nude. When you dress that way, they see you as nothing, but a sex toy and they get attracted to you just for that reason.
When you wear more of those dresses and long hairstyles, men get crazy for you for the right reasons. You also have to know that men are not so much after how much you weigh; they want your body proportionate with the curves still there. I must also use this medium to remind us we are still African women. You are not supposed to be obese, but donâ€™t forget that African women are envied for their curves, hips, and bum.
I know a good number of men love women with these features, but I must also tell you to always try to find out how your man wants you to be in your efforts to look skinny. Recently, I was told by my man to make sure I donâ€™t lose my hips and bum just because I want to lose weight. He further said what he really wanted to say, â€œI donâ€™t want you to lose any weightâ€. I had to forget about losing weight because I love him and want to make him happy.
He enjoys good sex
Please donâ€™t be deceived into believing your husband is too spiritual and busy that he doesnâ€™t care about sex. No matter his level of spirituality, he still loves good sex. Donâ€™t let anyone brainwash you into believing there are sex styles that a good Christian or Muslim shouldnâ€™t get involved in. Anything done during sexual intercourse in marriage is right and acceptable. Find out what your husband wants, but donâ€™t forget he may not open up to you because of his position in the church; find it out yourself by attempting to do those things to him. But you also have to help him not to see sex as hard labour by losing some weights, dealing with that vaginal odour, and being very flexible for him.
Dress to please him and not other women
Often times we ignore the desires of that man we claim to love just because we want to make a statement among friends. I may excuse you if you are in just a dating relationship with him, but the moment you take that relationship a step further into courtship, you must start seeing yourself as the glory of that man.
Being the glory of a man means you are now to dress the way he wants and how he wants it. Donâ€™t fix that hairstyle or lashes because they are in vogue and your friends have them on. Donâ€™t go for a short or long dress without first knowing what he admires in women. If you go ahead dressing for your friends and not for him, chances are he may end up getting attracted to a woman who dresses the way he wants.
When I did an article in 2009 on unfaithfulness, a man called me confessing how he is into an extra marital affair just because his wife refused to dress the way he likes. According to him, he likes women in jeans, well manicured red polished nails and red lips. He said he spends so much to buy the best designer range for his girlfriend who wants to please him. He said he will stop being unfaithful the moment his wife starts dressing for him. Ladies, please donâ€™t go on dressing for your religious leader or the society; dress for your man.
Sit with him while he eats
They will not tell you, but this is one thing they cherish. When it was just a dating relationship, you did this and much more like stroking his back when he eats. But now that he is legally yours, you feel itâ€™s no longer important. I see women eat before or after their husband; this is wrong. Meal time is actually a time to bond with the man you love. It is not enough for you to just cook and have him eat while you do other house chores. He wants you to stay by him while he enjoys, not just the cooking, but the beautiful woman he is in love with.
The concluding part of this article comes next week. My number is strictly for sms; please bear with me.