14th October, 2011
Africa is one continent where it is believed a woman should be seen and not heard. Women are seen by a good number of men as just existing to complement a man. A good number of men treat their wives as just a woman who should be seen only, not heard.
I once threw a question on my Facebook wall due to a comment a man made after reading my article. This ignorant man (so I called him) said a woman is not important as a man and any woman who has just female children shouldnâ€
The problem is that a lot of African men get married for the wrong reasons. The moment a man is approaching 30; pressure comes from his mother asking for a grandchild. Even when the man is not ready for marriage, he is made to feel miserable without a child as his mates are all getting close to being grandfathers.
The man then looks around for any available woman who will pass his test. What are those tests, you may ask? A man wants to be sure she can still have children; he wants to know how beautiful she is and how well she can take care of his house and cooking. These things are good, but should never be the reason for marriage.
The number one reason for marriage is companionship. It is very wrong to have men and the society see women as just baby making factories. This is why many married couples donâ€
Left for me, I would advise couples to avoid anything like pregnancy before one year of marriage. This, if done, will make the man to see the wife as what she really is to him — a companion and partner. There is this unusual bonding it brings into the home and a special kind of friendship is also seen if the couple really understand the reason for honeymoon. Parents should be reminded that we are not married just for us to make babies.
It is sad how some men donâ€
I donâ€
I remember always going into my office to weep whenever itâ€
My clients sometimes got offended by my actions, I knew it, but I was helpless. I remember losing so many male clients just because I was more of a slave to someone I called a husband. A male client had to open up to tell me why they stopped coming and that was the day I knew people were aware of my pain.
I know a lot of African men are still guilty of this very act. A pastorâ€
It is time Nigerian men released their women to fulfil their purpose in life and become what God created them to be. It is time you stopped making her your maid and start seeing her as your wife. It is time you stopped hitting her from the back when it is time for sex; she is a human being like you with emotions.
Stop that your style of being nice to your woman when you are alone with her only to be very nasty with her once your relations and friends are around. Any relation or friend that encourages you to be that nasty to your wife is an enemy of your soul. You do that because you want them to know you are the man of the house, they may appear to be happy with you, but the truth is that they talk negatively about you.
I know some of you grew up in a home where you saw your mother maltreat your father and turn him to a slave right before your eyes. A friend told me what his son said to him the day he asked to see his girlfriend. The boy told his dad that he had dumped the girl the week before. He told the dad that he is not ready to take, from any girl, the rubbish he takes from his mum.
The truth is that you may not even be aware you are being affected by what you saw your father go through in the hand of your mum, but it is there draining your relationship of every sweetness and fulfilment. Please deal with that unconscious fear and pain, stop allowing the innocent girl you married go through pain for what she knows nothing about. Stop talking to your wife as a slave, stop treating her like a sex hawker.
Get her involved in your business and all that concerns you. It is wrong to use your brother as your next of kin or as a director in your business when your wife is the right person to protect the interest of your children in case of any eventuality. Donâ€