Men Are Different From Women (2)

When we say men are different from women in obvious ways, it makes us want to ask, silently though, “how are they able to live together and achieve happiness in the midst of disparity or is it a case of ‘opposite attraction’ phenomenon?” I think so.

Coming from this angle should, to a large extent, help us dissolve the grey clouds surrounding the commitment to marriage. Some people just grow up with the belief that marriage is a difficult aspect of life, characterised by uncertainties of all kinds.

Yes, this may be true to an extent, but is the entire life itself not a journey of uncertainty made easy by faith? You only hope for the best; talk of control or determining what happens tomorrow, you cannot be very sure.

A man who changes his job to a better paying package but dies through auto crash on his way to the office, would have said ‘no’ to that offer if he knew of the danger ahead.

Erecting a giant structure only to be devoured by inferno six months later would never be considered if the owner anticipated such. Basically, what we are saying is, no one has the total picture of what life is likely to throw, but seeing the good and positive sides of what we’re about to do keeps us going and actually delivers pleasant results.

Now that we’ve handled why people should not be afraid to enjoy marriage, let’s look at other ways men are different from women.

Memory: A woman put a call through to me, telling me how upset she was that her husband forgot the birthday of their first son she had been looking forward to. Keeping dates and remembering things is entirely a woman’s thing. Men are more concerned about ‘now’ and how to handle it, while women can tell you what happened donkey years back with dates and vivid explanations. The day I told my husband the shirt he wore the first time we met, he couldn’t even remember ever having such a material, can you imagine that? If you have an elephant brain as a woman, use it to support your husband and not insult him; that is why you are together—complementing each other. Men, please try and remember things, she will love you for it.

Women think in colours, men think in objects: If you promise your wife a brand new ride of her choice will be delivered to her the next day, she is most likely to ask what colour is it before wanting to know the model if at all she cares. At a time my husband wanted to buy a Honda CRV for me, all I knew was it needed to be silver colour. There were other later models but not silver; my husband did all he could to convince me but I maintained “no silver colour, no CRV” and when he saw how much I loved my choice, he just paid for the ride and kept laughing. Men compartmentalise: Men have the innate ability to deal with issues separately. They have a linear or chronological perspective to issues—what is bygone is bygone, they live in the now and only want to address issues relating to the course at hand. Women are simultaneous thinkers with versatile ability to solve as many problems as possible at the same time. They connect, link and compare options quite easily and reach for intelligent solution in short term crisis.

Men are result oriented while women are love oriented: Once a man’s job can put food on his table, pay his bills and give some savings or investment, he’s ready to overlook the erratic boss, saucy colleague, hostile security, etc. A woman, on the other hand, strives to enjoy her work and the work environment for her to stay on that same job over six months without mourning, lamenting and complaining daily about the terrible people she dreads to meet every day; she must love the job to a reasonable extent. Monday morning is her worst moment as the alarm clock rings; she wishes there was a way out but there she goes to the same old monster. Women are more productive when they feel loved. Even back in the home, a woman who is assured of her husband’s love goes out of her way to make the whole family happy. She thrives in the atmosphere of love, while men just want things to work and they are fine.

Sexual difference: This is long overdue; many would have expected me to start from here but I purposely delayed it till now. A friend of mine once enthused “my husband is always ‘on’ even when he’s ill, he wants sex, when he has exams, sex is his support and if he’s sad, just give it to him. He’s never tired of asking and having it.” A woman, not a ‘commercial sex icon,’ would otherwise need to be emotionally connected to you for your sexual appeal to be meaningful to her. Her biological structure is completely different from a man’s. A mere sight of female curves is enough to set a man thinking all day. Pornography is not really a woman’s thing; she wants the real thing, a man who would love and appreciate her, not just fantasies or day-dreaming about sex.

Financially: We are ever arguing who between man and woman is a heavier spender. A man or a woman can be a spendthrift as this has nothing to do with gender, but I think what we are concerned about is who pays more for things. It is obvious that women do family daily/monthly shopping, while men go for the latest electronics, automobiles and others. A lady saw her husband move all the speakers from the living room and when she asked, he simply said “we need modern technology.” Now, tell me, what was wrong with those speakers? We are not trying to fault a man by paying heavily for his stuff or praise the woman for paying less for grocery, the fact is that their individual interests differ and even in ordinary sense, men’s things are far more expensive and harder to come by than women’s.

Parenting: Children need both parents to grow but it’s obvious a woman was given extra vitamin from birth to nurture. A man is happy to provide leadership, financial support and protection for his household, while the woman gets down to the nitty-gritty of parenting. She understands the children so well and fits in the role as teacher, helping with home work; lawyer, settling all their quarrels; doctor, knowing which first aid to give when needed and spiritual mentor, teaching them how to pray. Both parents are doing great in their different fields.

Intuition: Women are so intuitive they can tell a wicked fellow by just looking at them. Sometimes, they tell you their spirit does not like a particular person and if you reason with them, the truth unfolds quicker than normal.

Force: Men, by nature, are likely to use force to accomplish goals, while women use persuasion and soft words. People say women are weaker vessels, while men are physical beings.

Bonding: Men use sports like football, tennis, rugby, etc., to bond with other men, while women go into private, intimate discussions as a mark of closeness.

Primal instinct: A typical traditional man feels a woman should stay home and look after the children, while the man is the ‘hunter.’ As much as women enjoy to be ‘gatherers,’ today’s world is slightly different with women getting good education and do not want to be relegated to the corner called kitchen.

Both men and women may possess all these qualities alike, but understanding predominant characteristics of your gender or spouse may go a long way to ease marital fracas.

There may be a thousand and one more differences which cannot be explored in a single article, but the spine should be clear—get to know these differences, EXPECT, ACCEPT and RESPECT them.