2nd December, 2011
I am sure we all wonder why there were only a few cases of divorce in the olden days. As a matter of fact, the word â€˜divorceâ€™ was considered a taboo by some parts of the world and the beginning of any marriage saw it through till death separated the participants.
People accepted living together as a family as part of responsibility and a lot of things were put aside just to make it work. Men knew their role and women didnâ€™t strive to be what theyâ€™re not. Everyone maintained their positions; erroneous wealth pursuit was not a common practice, betrayal and sabotage was kept at the barest minimum.
Where did we all get it wrong? How did we get to where we are today? What should be done for a change? Yes, we must be sincere enough to own up that â€˜civilizationâ€™ came with mixed fibre and we took it in without sifting stuff.
Has anyone asked if the Hollywood stars acting and showing us how a perfect family should be have been able to build and sustain a marriage before? How many of them are â€˜living happily ever afterâ€™? Or is it the â€˜no-nonsense attitudeâ€™ that makes divorce a cheap alternative that is cool? Anyway, you look at it, there is so much garbage churning into the world of marriage like never before.
People are no longer true to themselves; desiring things that are not realistic has made â€˜respectâ€™ flown out of the union when a certain level of material possession is not found. Should this really be the case? Those big houses you see in movies are built or rented for that purpose; to deceive and mislead you into thinking thatâ€™s an ideal life. Wake up, think, go behind the scenes and find out how miserable those people are and the ones theyâ€™ve succeeded in deceiving are even more miserable as they continue in endless pursuit of what does not exist: satisfaction.
To be happy in your relationship, you need to learn the art of contentment. Using others to measure and judge your life is nothing but a waste of time. Itâ€™s good to know that the life of a man does not consist in the abundance of what he has. True fulfilment comes when you make the best of wherever you find yourself. Doing little things in that unpopular relationship can give you so much peace that the couples you are jealous of do not experience.
You are so quick to tell your wife of a submissive woman living down the road and she keeps telling you how romantic her boss relates with his wife; at the end of the day, your home is boiling with hatred and resentment. Spending the whole time to bemoan what you have not enjoyed in your union brings more pain than succour.
Living in harmony with your spouse does not mean you are a perfect match, neither does it suggest all your needs have been met; this, in a way, shows you are wise enough to work with the tools youâ€™ve got. It remains absolutely your choice to be who you want to be. Being happy together entails accepting the flaws, shortcomings and limitations of your spouse as part of life without making them feel inadequate. Putting yourself in the position of always teaching and correcting your spouse makes him/her unhappy; trust each other as adults and make suggestions nicely rather than command or control.
How to achieve harmony in matrimony:
â€¢Cut down your expectations; know that the other person cannot do exactly what is in your mind at all times. We have different ways of doing things, so enjoy the privilege of seeing another method from your spouse.
â€¢Accept that there is no perfect marriage; we are all trying to make the best out of little.
â€¢Donâ€™t threaten with divorce; seek ways to move forward.
â€¢Be careful with words; they linger longer than you can ever imagine.
â€¢You have the keys to your emotional flow; make it work for you.
â€¢Realise that every marriage has itâ€™s hard times; be ready to give enough support as this would speak well of your commitment to the union.
â€¢Take comparison out of your way; you can desire good things but donâ€™t throw tantrums if they donâ€™t come.
â€¢Cultivate the right attitude at all times. This could be very difficult but the more you discipline yourself, the better it become.
â€¢Remind yourself that you are the person to change and not your spouse. The good thing about this is as you change, he/she finds it easier to love and things get better.
â€¢Treating your spouse with honour makes them feel important and wanted. Donâ€™t jest in public about his/her mistakes or weaknesses.
If you have tried all you could but nothing good is happening, find a mature and objective third party; someone you both respect and talk things over. A little contribution from someone who has walked the road before you could be the saviour of your stormy relationship but be careful who you confide in; the quality of advice/counsel you get can impact your life.