Lesbianism Is Foreign To Us

Mrs Olufunmilayo Savage, Educationist and School Administrator of Glorious Twinkle Stars, has been married for over 20 years. She speaks on rape, same sex relationship and sundry issues

How would you describe rape and why do you think people do it?
Rape is when a peoson is forceful or sexually harassed. This often occurs between a male and a female. These days rape is so rampant; the basic cause of rape is dysfunctional family. What I mean by dysfunctional family includes broken or unsettled home. If you really check the background of people that rape, they are people who might have experienced something connected to rape. It might be from childhood. Another thing is that when parents are not there for their children. So many things occur to children in the absence of love and attention from parent. Sexual harassment could be from cousins, neighbours or probably from anybody that is close to the rape victims.

Some parent leave their wards in the care of friends, neighbour or school caregiver, without later checking the child or properly monitoring the situation. Rape can happen in ones home, at least I have heard of cases where a father rapes his daughter, but I am sure if the situation is properly investigated, I think it has to do with a psychological problem.

I have also heard of young men raping elderly women or even the househelp. So many of this victims can’t tell anyone, and at the same time, they don’t have the energy to fight back the rapist until the atrocity has been discovered. I have heard of cases where a man rapes  or abuses a two-year old kid. Another causes of rape in children is not talking to ones teenage kids enough. The innocent kids might be going through a rough time, which is why it is required of parents, especially mothers, to have a friendly and close relationship with their kids.

Mothers don’t have to be too strict with their kids; there should be a cordial relationship between parents and their wards. If you create fear in your child, they won’t be able to tell you if they have been sexually abused; and funny enough, the ones who can easily abuse your child are the ones that are close to you, and whom you might not even suspect. For instance, cousins and uncles; because, most time they are usually stronger than their victims.

Can indecent dressing be said to be the cause of rape and is it possible for a woman to rape a man?
How is possible for a woman to be a rapist? I don’t believe in a woman raping a man. I know a woman can harass a man, either with the way she dresses or through exposing some parts of her body. But if a man does not have a psychological problem, how is it now possible for  a woman to rape a man. It is barbaric, so I don’t believe this silly talk. It is only when there is disconnection somewhere in the mind of an individual that rape happens. Parents play a vital role in most rape cases in our society; our social services are so bad that we can’t see. In homes you see parents sending their female daughter to a man’s house to help him out with his house work. Subconsciously, you are sending a message to the man’s head. Subconsciously, it is the mother that is setting everything in motion for the man to take advantage of your female child, while you think you are helping out. Adults shouldn’t put their female children into a situation that you will end up regretting.

What do you think is the cause of same sex relationship?
Lesbianism is a foreign influence; you should notice that the representative that went to the Senate was not trained or brought up in Nigeria, that is why she can be so bold to come out to the public to announce what you heard her say, same sex relationship is not an Africa thing. Although, some say they were born with the  desire of being attracted to the same sex with them, I belief it is the way they have been wired from birth that influences who they are. I don’t know the basis for wanting to have same sex as lover, Africans are not that bold to bring such a disgraceful act to the public. There is always a connection that imports the idea into an individual. I didn’t go the boarding school, same sex school, and I have heard it happens a lot in such environment.

Is it possible for a man to rape his own wife?
I personally have an issue with the word “husband” from day one. It has been signed, sealed and delivered, that with your body I do give. I am not saying the vows we make at the altar is not good, but it time we read this to our understanding, word for word, because I don’t see  anything wrong in having sex with your partner at any time. You had an agreement at the altar, so it shouldn’t be something to quarrel over. Afterall, it is for better for worse. What about women that harass their men? There are some women whose sex drive is very high, and the man has to satisfy her demand because it is her right. Moreover, women should be more understanding. Some women use  sex as a weapon, and the man will have it at the back of his mind that the woman only wants to punish him. Seeing that the woman is using sex as a weapon, the man will have to force himself on her. That is when you see a man forcefully having sex with his wife which some people call rape.

How can we stop or reduce rape in our society?
I will advise ladies to be more vigilant, even adults can be raped. Know who you keep your child with, avoid passing through dark  alley and lonely roads, avoid being too nice with your child because they might take advantage of your being nice. Everything boils down to background; monitor when your child comes back home, and discipline them when necessary.

Do you think the media can do anything to help control the increase in rape cases?
Of course, the media has been doing great in the aspect of passing the message of abstinence but there are still some programmes on the media that children are not supposed to be exposed to, but the case is the opposite.

What advice do you have for parents whose children have have been victims of rape?
It is traumatic for families of victims of rape cases because it has to do with psychology. Victims need parents and loved ones at this period. Rape is a life time trauma that could cause stigmatization that would remain for life, so the best thing to do is to give a supportive hand to a victim. Show them that people still care and love them despite all the ups and downs. Make them understand that it wasn’t their fault that they were rape. All I can say is that victims need to be loved to avoid them from taking drastic decisions.

When rape leads to pregnancy, what do you think should be done?
This is a tough decision, it is a big scar on a rape victim. As a Christian, I won’t advice abortion. It happens most times that after the child is born, it brings about bad memories for the mother, which could also affect the child’s upbringing. But notwithstanding the problems, these are innocent kids, no one prays such a thing happens to his or her child. It takes the grace of God for such person to escape the trauma of rape.

I think if a child is involved, gather your strength and move on. The level of strength you have will determine if you will make it in life. Train the child properly; I don’t believe in children taking after their father’s bad acts. Don’t be scared; if you train your child properly, he will be better than his or her father. My advice to rape victims is that she should try and see a psychologist and counselor. Often, this will help her cope with bad memories, don’t give up on life. It is not worth wasting, things will get better and people who abandoned you will later be proud of you.