27th January, 2012
Your ability to let go and move on determines the speed at which you can go. Literally, leaving yesterday to pass with its trouble and looking forward to fresh challenges and ways to handle them makes life worth living and really exciting.
‘Life goes on’ – this has been one of the greatest lessons I’ve learnt about life. You can’t hold it down, you can’t hold down the hands of the clock; even if you hold yours down, other people’s time will still tick, things getting done, night and day appearing and disappearing.
Don’t get it all wrong: there is a place in life to mourn a loss or regret a bad decision, there would be times to reflect on why things failed or didn’t work out the way you planned, the pains of losing a loved one stings like a scorpion, experiencing ‘near success syndrome’ is not a good news at all, etc but refusing to pick the bits and pieces of your life and head for another try is the beginning of your downfall- get up, try again, maybe in a better way and the more you persist the clearer the strategy until desired goal is attained.
Relationship is one place your emotions would constantly be tested. The faster you learn to let go, the happier you’ll be. There’s no denying the fact that as long as you are alive, people would continue to hurt you. You have absolutely no control over what people say or should say, cannot tell them how to respond to you at all times neither can you hand them a selection of nice words to use each time they’re addressing you- each fellow digs into his/her storehouse of words, mix them with feelings/present emotion or thought and presents you the final result. People basically would address or treat you based on either their value for you or a mix of character with level of understanding/exposure. These I tell you, are things you cannot predict in any man/woman.
The brilliant thing to do therefore; is ‘be on your guard’ and be ready to free yourself from any experience that wants to hold you bound. Never forget to remind yourself ‘it’s part of life’.
Having a good and fulfilling relationship is like a gulp of clean fresh water to a thirsty throat. It’s an experience you treasure, a feeling to relive, a moment to desire and a place to be forever but as dear as this may sound, some good relationships do not last.
Its end hurts so badly but there is little you can do to salvage the situation. In some extreme cases, the more you try to mend fences, the worse it turns till you convince yourself it’s time to let go. Would this stop you from hurting? May be not but the lovely thing is that ‘life continues’.
A young man I’ll call Simon speaks on his encounter-“I was living with my uncle and his wife at the time since my parents lived very far away from the college I was admitted into. They had become like a second set of parents to me and I got so much love and acceptance from them- I could talk to them just about anything on my mind and be sure good counsel would come my way at the end of the day. Going to school and doing my part time job soon showered me with a feeling of maturity. I cannot say exactly how but the thought of marriage became paramount; the more I fought it, the stronger it became.
I asked myself, is it because I’m living with my uncle and always admiring their lovely marriage? They had such a good home anyone would want to be like them. His wife, Glory radiated every sound of that name. She was a total beauty with a humble heart, showing love to people without discrimination.
My feelings grew so strong I needed to confide in my uncle about it. Eva, the young woman who has set my nerves on fire was a colleague at work. She could be called a damsel and her composure spoke volume of her family background. After all the good things I told uncle about her, it was a big shock to hear him say “I don’t think this is the right time for you to consider marriage”. At least I was relieved he didn’t say any bad thing about Eva and her picture placed before us.
He concentrated in telling me about finishing my education and getting into a proper job that would enable me be an able husband and father. The thought of losing her to another man made me push earlier than necessary. I asked Eva if we could have tea at lunch time and she agreed.
After months of keeping my feelings from her, I was now ready to let the cat out of the bag. I was the first to arrive in the restaurant, waited and rehearsed my proposal over and again. Eva walked through the door on the time, looking calm as usual. I walked to the entrance to greet her and directed her where we could get in line for tea.
I looked up the menu on the wall and pretended as if I was trying to choose a snack for us but sincerely, my mind was on what I had come to say not food at all. We settled down and I got right into the business of the day. My confidence was that we already had a friendly relationship and she talked with me more than she would ever talk with any other person.
As my proposal unfolded, she sat still and looked right into my eyes and said “No, I never thought of marriage, we are just friends and I’ll love it to remain that way”. It was the first sip of tea I had before starting to talk that ended the tea session- my real ‘tea’ was not flowing well so we went away.
This refusal got into me so much that everyone at home knew there was something wrong with me. Uncle soon figured out and talked me out of it and I managed to take it down in a way.
My concentration at work was deeper now as I spent little time chatting with Eva but we still behaved as if nothing had happened-it’s just work pressure and it needed to be sorted quickly.
I made a second attempt after two years and she still turned me down. This time, my uncle could not help as I was totally heartbroken and felt like a failure. I gave up on relationships and decided to be single, in fact; I hated women for the games they play with people’s heart and life.”
When I met Simon, we took time to sort things and discuss the challenges of life and a better way to go about them and now, he is happily married with four lovely children. What a mess he would have made of himself; refusing to get married simply because someone somewhere said ‘no’ sometime ago? Oh! come on, explore new grounds and embrace what life has in store for you.