3rd February, 2012
Finding a way out of the past and making creative decisions to move on would not at any time be easy —memory is part of creation. I don’t think anyone enjoys the experience of rehearsing past hurt or rewinding unpleasant events; we all wish they go away with the passing of time but truly the going seems to be slow, so slow we can hardly notice any passage.
The human mind has been wired to save/store information and download it for adequate application when needed. That is why you can start thinking about things-circumstance, experiences, events, and bring it so real as if it is happening now.
This does not discriminate good experiences from bad. As a matter of fact, the bad ones stick harder because of deep emotional pains they might have caused you. How would you explain how you remember the death of a dear one of about five years and start shedding tears? The day you got married and smile or cry depending on your experience? Etc.
To live a meaningful and fulfilled life you decide to consciously purge your heart of all sort of garbage life would have thrown at you. This is something no one can ever do for you; they might encourage you but the core challenge and will to leave your past behind rests on you. No one can promise this would be a cosy ride but just like any other good thing in life, your effort, determination and consistency pays off with time.
Refusing to let go of the past is a clear indication that you have issues with ‘forgiving’. Someone once said that when you forgive, you do it for yourself-it’s an act of kindness done to show you really love your life. The process of forgiving comes in two folds; forgiving others and forgiving yourself.
People who find it very difficult to forgive others do not easily forgive themselves either. They blame every mishap on their carelessness or inefficiency. This we can understand and relate to because it stems from the way we grew up from childhood-mum/dad expected so much of us that we got confused and lost the joy of being children. We carry this same attitude to our relationships; acting as mum or dad to our spouses when we were supposed to be lovers.
I don’t know why people would ever believe they could live without making mistakes. If you give yourself some allowance and permission to guff, you will not only be realistic but you’ll be a happier person; taking things easy and enjoying being human. Sometimes look back at your mistakes and laugh it loud. There was a time I watched a photo gallery of one of the most popular celebrities in the world. When she was asked why she wore a particular look at a time, she simply answered; that is the difference in time, it means I’ve grown and I’m better today. I’m sure some other people would have gone for their best pictures just to wow the audience and make them feel ‘I’ve always been a clean and big babe’.
Accepting the saying “to err is human” places you in a humble situation to ask for forgiveness when needed. It makes you feel you have not done anything out of this world so what’s the big deal contemplating suicide. Be truly sorry, ask for pardon and move on. You know that this does not in any way support a careless attitude or hurting people unnecessarily and throwing ‘I’m sorry’ at them thinking they are mandated to forgive us- If you truly made a mistake, it would be a lot easier to say sorry and your willingness to change and learn better ways would convince the other party of your sincerity.
You’re in a new relationship; you have just managed to accept a man after a big mess another put you through. He seems a good, generous, caring and gentle person but you are having troubles trusting him.
The fact that Simon, the guy who promised to marry you but failed and ended up with a sugar mummy jilted you and jeopardised your dream does not mean all other guys would do same.
Give your new relationship a chance to grow and develop in its own unique way. Be objective and see every person as dynamic; challenge yourself to explore and enjoy every moment spent together and hope for the best.
It’s clear that past experiences influence and condition of the future based on how we respond. Being over cautious and refusing to give life another chance to unfold will not only limit your chances of healing but would also rob you of the joy of having a balanced experience to show for your age.
To leave the past and move on:
•See tomorrow and believe you have a better chance ahead.
•Remind yourself of where you are going- your goals in life
•Take things easy; let go
•Change every negative experience to a positive one- look for the lesson in it.
•Know what is relevant to your dream, including relationships/people.
•Identify where to get help and go for it
•Value yourself, respect others and don’t expect explanations for every situation; believe others are entitled to their actions and decisions.