I Hate My Body

Sharon Jane Akinyemi

Sharon Jane Akinyemi

Sharon Jane

Millions of people struggle with bondage to unhealthy habits-poor nutrition, lack of exercise, emotional eating and bingeing. After years of dieting and going on and off exercise programmes, many are frustrated and ready to give up, thinking that perhaps they cannot change. Many are continually asking:

•Am I thin enough?

• Am I pretty enough?

•Why is it so hard to change?

•What is wrong with me?

•Why do I feel this way?

I knew a young woman who struggled to find the right answers to those questions. Ultimately, she resorted to bariatric surgery to address her continued failure. But even that extreme measure did not produce the results she sought. Katty shared some of her deepest pain in the pages of her diary.

Wednesday, June 14, 1990: It’s so disappointing when I come home and there is no letter from Vincent. I haven’t heard from him since February. He said that I sounded “fascinating.” He’d feel differently if he’d actually seen me. What’s the matter with me? Am I really that ugly and fat? I’m trying to lose weight. I don’t think the operation was a complete success because sometimes I feel like I’m eating too much. I have to remember I didn’t go through all that pain for nothing. If I can’t lose weight after bypass surgery, I’m hopeless. I feel like such a loser.

Tuesday, July 3,1990: I want to be super slim before my friend’s wedding . If am not, it’s the real and true end for me. Life isn’t worth living if no one will accept you. I keep remembering Vincent and wishing he would just give me another chance- I don’t want him to get married. I must be a real horror —when even my own sister won’t fix me up. I don’t blame him; he is probably ashamed of me. I just wish I had someone who liked me for me. I am so desperate to be loved.

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Thursday, July 27, 1990: I don’t know what’s the matter with me! My head is all mixed up. Here I was sticking to a high protein diet for almost three weeks, then I blow it! Last night I went out with friends and I ate chips, popcorn, and ice cream. What is wrong with me? If I’m not thin by December, it’s bye-bye Katty! I’m not a head case……..but no body understands. Why in this society so much emphasis is placed on looks? Why can’t guys accept you for your personality? I am so depressed. But put up a good front! If people only knew what was going on in my mind they would be shocked!

Friday, August 18, 1990: I need someone so bad, but unless I lose weight….I’m hopeless. God why didn’t you kill me? I’m not accepted in this world. What are you trying to prove by keeping me here? Are you testing my strength? Well I am weak and worthless. I can’t even name one worthwhile thing I’ve ever done. Help me! I am so desperate and disgusted with everything. I just want to fold up and die.

Well that was Katty’s case, and am sure some ladies right now are in the same situation as Katty. Well she never found the answers. Even drastic surgical measures were not enough. That’s because we must allow ourselves to be transformed from inside out. It’s important to do the right things with regard to nutrition and exercise, but knowing what to do is never enough. We have to change our thinking, healthier behaviours can become healthy habits.

Ten years ago it was easy enough for me to be lured into unhealthy fad diets and dangerous shortcuts. Today, more than ever, the multimillion-naira diet industry is taking advantage of the fact that the battle of the bulge is an enduring epidemic. The Nigerian public has allowed itself to be abused for too long after all these years, it is ridiculous how many people are still falling for the quick fixes and sudden-success advertising. This magic bullet mentally continues to sidetrack many from taking responsibility for adopting permanent lifestyle solutions.

Let me tell it to you bluntly-get over it. Magic bullets don’t exist. Don’t waste your time or money. Take responsibility. Unhealthy eating, inactivity, and excessive weight gain have created significant health risk for millions of men, women, and children.


We must learn to use the tools God has given us to transform our lives. I love what Oswald chambers wrote: “We are in danger of forgetting that we cannot do what God does, and that God will not do what we can do.”

I think this truth applies to any area of life. We have an incredible body. That body is our vehicle for life. It is a tool to move us around during our time on earth. It allows us to reach out and connect with other humans. And it will serve us only as well as we service it.

It took me way too long to stop looking for shortcuts. I learned there is a price to pay for a healthy body. And it is paid in the small details of your daily lifestyle- EXERCISE AND HEALTHY EATING IS THE ULTIMATE PRICE!

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