Building Self-Confidence (2)

Aidy Thomas

Aidy Thomas

A good level of self-confidence makes you a ‘Gold Fish’- standing out wherever you are and people can’t but be attracted to your positive self image. But, you may want to ask the line to draw between being self confident and being proud or lousy.

Playing notice-me has nothing to do with being self-confident; as a matter of fact, people who crave attention desperately are those with serious image or emotional problems. Self-confident people wait for the perfect opportunity to do what they know how to do best.

It is easy to mix up self-confidence with over confidence which on the other hand is an empty display of limited knowledge which most times lead to disgrace. Over confidence is ‘show off’ in disguise. This doesn’t mean that people who are self-confident cannot be proud; pride is a personal negative attitude which accompanies a sense of achievement, acquisition, placement, class or status. Amazingly, people who are very poor and of low social standard can also be very proud. They see everything wrong with people who are succeeding and would want to put them down at all costs. Whether up or down, I think we should appreciate where we are and respect others no matter how they are.

I’m of the opinion self-confidence is a grandchild of contentment. It’s when you start feeling others are better placed that you lose grasp of confidence. Think of it in any way- Going for a beauty contest, the sheer appearance of other contestants defeats your ambition as you take a quick statistics of their looks, steps, shape, voice, etc. You totally forget beauty is in the eye of the beholder and surprisingly, the most beautiful does not always win-true? There are other things the judges are looking for which you may have in abundance so why disqualify yourself before the competition?

Most marriages are destroyed today because of lack of contentment. What makes you compare yourself with that man/woman and desire to be where they are? A certain woman stopped coming for a quarterly women’s conference I used to be part of and when asked why she’s been off, she confided her car was not as good as what other women had and as such she had to be parking some distance away and walking down to the venue. Incredible, isn’t it? Why on earth would you let someone’s acquisition intimidate you? I know it is difficult especially if you live in a society where the craze for wealth is high but you have the key to your heart; if you don’t look down on yourself, they would start to respect you. When you present your little with prestige, others start to see the virtue in you. At a point, they might even think you are humble or do not care about material things; meanwhile, the truth is, you don’t have. When you don’t go around mourning your lack, others don’t really notice and cannot place you.

I doubt if someone who is not contented with his/her spouse can really be happy and enjoy that relationship. You can’t take her out because she is not as educated as your colleagues? You can’t introduce him to your boss because he has not yet attained a high financial status or not a multi-million business tycoon? Come-on, you have a problem, deal with it. Always ask yourself why you made him/her your choice in the first place- apologies to people who had no chance to choose their spouses; be proud of your choice and work things out.

Why do you think very short and ugly men marry beauty queens? A guy once enthused “I pull correct babes despite my looks. I’ve been slapped, spat on, abused and even threatened but I refused to stop, I just kept walking up to any beautiful girl to say ‘I love you’. When we finally get together, I ask why she decided to follow me and she says ‘I love your guts; you’ve got CONFIDENCE”

Self-confidence, in my thinking is an inner affirmation you offer yourself; subtle oiling of your mind to progress with the prospect of success. Since the way people see and accept you has a direct influence on your self confidence, you need to:

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•Work on your looks: Dress sharp, clean up and look presentable, not necessarily very expensive. Good combination is cool.

•Have firm steps: Your attitude can show in the way you walk. Fast and purposeful steps tell people you are organized.

•Speak well: Speaking well of others makes you appeal to people and speaking fluently makes the audience want to hear you some more.

•Be vocal not rude: The more you learn to air your opinion, the more confidence you’ll amass. But try not to bully; only make your point in simple and clear language without attacking anyone.

•Good posture: Learn to stand tall and erect; slouching presents you as a tired and ready to give up candidate.

•Gratitude: If you take time often to assess where you are, you’ll discover you’re not the worst hit. If you feel good you’ll look good.

•Create the dream ‘You’: Nothing on earth gives a man/woman self confidence as living your dream. Having a sense of fulfilment, looking back at your contribution to humanity and seeing your mark of influence makes you satisfied. Do you really need to be self-confident? Take up more challenges; the more you succeed, the more confidence you’ll gain. Improve your skills regularly as this adds to your relevance.Accept where you are and work towards where you want to be.

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