16th March, 2012
Infatuation has been cornered to be a teenage problem, announcing the arrival of sexual realisation but is that all there is to it? As a matter of fact, I’ll spend more time analysing the effect of infatuation on adults and even married couples.
Directing the wind of infatuation solely to the young ones is a clear sign of denial and pretence. Millions of homes are tearing apart each day as couples fall for flings and casual intimacy; what would you think plunged them into that bottomless pit? They would have been overtaken by infatuation —a false feeling of uncontrollable emotion moving toward sexual desire. Infatuation precedes infidelity, period. Apart from people who indulge in casual relationships for certain immediate gain —money, contract, gaining clients, sheer exploitation, job favour, material windfalls, etc, most people would first of all be attracted to the opposite sex before the urge to be intimate with them.
This is to say that infatuation as it were is masterminded by physical attraction or what is perceived to be outstanding in others —good voice level, masculine structure, shape and complexion, height and build, attitude and character. This explains why you would see a beautiful woman with an extremely ugly male and wonder what on earth is making her walk beside him, but if given the chance to explain, she’s swept by a unique feature of his. Women with poor physical features may find their way into the lives of great men if they have great character and positive attitude.
People have something or some things they are looking out for in the opposite sex and when they find it, it is absolutely difficult to dissuade them. Not even a double bound chains can hold them back. In most cases, this surge is so dramatic that you’ll think the persons involved are going crazy. I want to believe infatuation itself is crazy and carries as many people with it as practicable.
Anyone who has ever experienced the power of infatuation can identify with what I’m saying. It’s a time where the whole world dissolves into the image of your attraction. He/she becomes your obsession, you always want to talk or stay around each other, you dream and fantasise about a time where no other person would interrupt your hugs and kisses; and the most dangerous of it all, you see nothing wrong with the fellow. He/she appears to be perfect in everything. What a lie? You are very ready to fight and quarrel with any family member or friend who sees something wrong with your choice. People have even denied family members access to their homes because they don’t want to hear what they have to say about their relationships. How many of such relationships have you seen? Do they always last?
Once the infatuation fever is over and they come face to face with the reality of love and marriage, you’ll be shocked how disappointed they would be at each other. That is when you begin to hear stuff like; “My parents told me but I won’t listen”; “You bewitched me into marrying you”; “I don’t even know what I was thinking when I got myself into this mess”; “You are not my kind of person; we are not compatible at all”; “You pretended and got hold of me before showing your true colour”; “I regret the day I met you in my life”.
Anyway, I sympathise with those in this trap. Researchers have said that science has an explanation to what happens within us, resulting in infatuation. Hormones like dopamine which makes man feel good, norepinephrine- stimulates adrenaline to the brain, oxytocin- responsible for sexual arousal are all identified to be associated with the feeling of infatuation. They trigger the flow of information between nerve cells and put the brain in a state of super excitement which sees or recognises no obstacles to success when it concerns their desire.
This is probably why you would see a man park his car by the road side, not minding if he’s going to be given a ticket for wrong parking, and running after a lady he sighted crossing the road. On getting there, she turns out to be a married woman with evidence of a wedding ring on her finger but the man refuses to let go; he wants to talk to her, he asks for her name or phone number/anything that would enable him get in touch with her. Although he finally leaves, his thought dwells with her until something finally happens —if possible.
I love how Wikipedia puts it: “Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love; usually one is inspired with an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something” Someone also said “It’s an extravagant or foolish love”.
Having said all these, it is a fact that anyone can be caught in the net of infatuation. It has nothing to do with whether you are married or single. My concern is with the married because anything that would cause you to break your covenant relationship/vows should not be taken lightly. If you find yourself unnecessarily attached to a female colleague and feel very safe in her company, watch it. If you are so close to a male colleague that he knows every quarrel you have with your husband and hears the pains of your marriage, watch it. It starts like ordinary closeness sometimes until we are overtaken by the thought of how the person cares about us and gives us so much attention even more than what our spouses would do.
It’s good to be friendly with the opposite sex but let’s define the relationship from outset and purpose in our hearts never to do anything funny even if we are pushed. Self discipline maims infatuation; focus on your relationship and keep reminding yourself that it is only a child who wants everything he/she sees, or are you a child? So you can’t get everything/everyone, be contented.