4th May, 2012
Much was not heard or known about positive thinking until Norman Vincent Peale in 1952 came up with his popular and best selling work The Power of Positive Thinking.
The whole idea of positive thinking revolves around developing a conscious positive attitude that neither sees nor anticipates failure. It involves a situation where man makes a conscious effort to put himself in a win-win position and maximises every opportunity to his best interest.
Bringing this approach to relationships might save a whole lot of people from heart ache. This is not to say that positive thinking will automatically solve all your relationship problems overnight but it definitely will offer a better way you can cope with life despite your situation.
Talking about positive thinking without reference to attitude might not give a balanced equation. It is worth noting that the word ‘thinking’ is a personal exercise; no one can ever penetrate your mind and do the thinking for you. Yes, they may proffer solutions to your puzzles but that thinking was not done by you but them and in their own mind; you were only being told the outcome. In other words, you are still left with the truth that life expects you to be in charge of your thoughts. People may not have access to your mind to know what you think but your attitude, actions and reactions say it all. The things you think within manifest in your daily dealings and values.
You chose your attitude based on your thought and what you have allowed to dominate your belief system. A psychologist once said: “Attitude to me is more important than facts; it is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failure, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company…church…a home.”
Adopting the right kind of attitude in your relationship is what will make you go through the storms and still remain firm. I know most people never expected unpleasant situations along the path of love. Unfortunately, like any other aspect of life, you cannot totally eliminate it. Living with an adverse situation and making the best of it could be tough but that is what life demands if you must experience a reasonable degree of happiness.
Quite a number of things happen in relationships that would really test your attitude and patience. Failure to demonstrate strength of character exposes one’s emptiness. Eva says: “My marriage to Elton has not been too bad; we have come along well in the past three years but when a relative confided in me he was having an affair at work, I was totally devastated. Things didn’t really change much to the negative for me to say our love had gone sour but at the same time, I could not explain why he would do a thing like that. His care for the family did not deteriorate and placing my comfort as priority was intact. It was difficult in the first place for me to confront him about the suspicion since I had no evidence but with time, I caught him with a special birthday card and gift carefully wrapped and addressed to the same name my cousin whispered to me. There is no need to say I was offended because it is expected but I tried to keep my emotions under control. I asked who had the gift and he said it was his colleague’s birthday but a second look at the wordings of the card could tell it was not an ordinary colleague; there was a tint of intimacy. When Elton finally returned at the close of work, I requested a time to talk and he responded nicely. There was no point beating about the bush; I simply asked ‘are you having an affair with that lady’ He kept quiet for a while and nodded a weak yes. I was shocked at first that he did not try to deny; I felt may be he had decided to get married to her, but again I refused to trust my suspicion and openly asked why he was so bold to tell me they were seeing each other. The answer was surprising, ‘I do not have anything to lose if my relationship with her ends that is why I do not want to hide anything from you’.
He continued: ‘Come to think of it, it is you I really love but you seem not to be there for me; you would not pick my calls while at work, by the time I return you are already snoring, I eat alone and have absolutely no one to chat with after work. This house has become so boring and sedentary. This other lady cheers me up all the time and goes out of her way to make me happy. I was not intentionally thinking of dating her but as the closeness deepened; things spiralled out of control’. At this point, I knew I had contributed to my husband’s problem of infidelity; I asked for forgiveness and promised to change for the better”.
A person who does not think positively would have written off that relationship by saying her husband did not love her or she was not good enough for him. Even when Eva realised she had contributed to the problem she did not bother blaming herself so much but rather looked for a way to win her husband’s heart back.
In that same situation, another woman would have made so much trouble and probably ended up in the man’s office for a public show. Positive thinking will help see the good side of everything you are involved in and by so doing things change in your favour.
Couples easily get frustrated when it appears their loved ones are not meeting up to expectations but thinking positively about your relationship is a way of saying “someday, things will be fine”.
There are several ways to cultivate positive thinking as a way to help your relationship grow. This will feature next time.