Is Divorce A Norm Or A Taboo?

By Isaac Asabor

The question of whether divorce is a norm or a taboo, which incidentally is the title of this piece, has now become an obsession in the minds of millions of Nigerians, especially now that some entertainment and ecumenical celebrities are seemingly persuading and convincing millions of Nigerians through their actions that it is the norm contrary to African tradition and scriptural injunctions. Some of the questions being asked by many that believe in the sacredness of marriage are: “Why the high incidence of divorce and infidelity in today’s marriage?”; “Why are highly revered pastors caught in the web of controversies that border on divorce?” and “Why are born-again Christians no longer seeing divorce as an act of disobedience to the word of God?” Like a bug, millions of Nigerians have literarily been bitten by the fairy insect called divorce.

A perusal of the past issues of most newspapers would reveal various headlines that were cast in the following mould: “Wife Seeks Dissolution of 15-Year Old Marriage”; “Court Dissolves 17-Year Old Marriage”; “Husband’s Ultimatum to Wife: Give Me Sex Or I’ll Divorce You”; “Nurse Sacks Randy Husband For Infecting Her With STDs”; “Fake Marriage: Woman Regains Freedom After 14 Years Of Living In Bondage”. No doubt, the foregoing headlines have revealed the state of poignancy which marriage has assumed in our today’s society. A routine visit to some of our magistrate’s courts would further reveal that most of the cases that usually come up for adjudication are divorce-seeking cases.

The issue of infidelity which appears to be the most pervasive precursor to most divorce cases is almost becoming a fad. At the moment, most married men and women appear not to be seeing extra-marital affair as anathema or a taboo anymore the way our ancestors saw it. Many now see it as a form of civilization. No thanks to western culture that has literarily warped the sense of value of millions of people for African culture.

As if this taboo called divorce is not bad enough, it appears it is being glamorised and elevated by those who are engrossed in the shameful act. The rate at which husbands and wives are opting for divorce, which is invariably a devil’s alternative, is pervasive and scandalous enough to make marriage look detestable. Literarily put, it is so thick that it can be sliced with a knife. Be that as it may, the critical issue of divorce among celebrities in the entertainment industry, and now in  Christendom, has assumed a faddy dimension that it seemingly no longer cause them sleepless nights. Rather than joining other members of the society in finding a lasting solution to the problem of divorce, most celebrities are wont to take defensive stance by always providing the hackneyed answer that divorce is not a peculiar problem of celebrity marriages but to all marriages irrespective of the couples involved. In my view, they should stop exonerating themselves from the blame of divorce and begin to appreciate the fact that a celebrity is supposed to be a role model to his or her followers.

Still in the same nexus, the foregoing hackneyed manner of response by most of our celebrities on critical issue like divorce is complacent, presumptuous, and deceitful. The reply does not take cognizance of the fact that whatever idea or product they knowingly or unknowingly endorse through their idiosyncrasies is gleefully accepted by their            numerous fans. In the same vein, some Christians see their pastors as demigods. Does it not stand to reason that such Christians would see the act of divorce as normal when a pastor they zealously look up to is a divorcee? Some religious followers are, no doubt, sheepishly, fanatically and obsequiously following their pastors that whatever they see their pastors do becomes their obsessions. Simply put, celebrities should be very mindful of what they say and do as their actions are capable of building or destroying the sociological and cultural fabrics of our nation.

Today’s marriage institution is so bastardised that its fabric has literarily torn to shreds as a result of soaring rate of divorce. In most marriages, mutual suspicion appears to be the driving force. Husbands do not trust their wives anymore, and wives do not trust their husbands anymore. The game of hide and seek has almost become a common feature of most marriages.

Permit me to opine at this juncture that the problem facing today’s marriage institution is not only that of divorce as it is very obvious that marital problems in our society  are gradually assuming a homicidal dimension, if the following reported facts are anything to go by:

Sometime last year, it was widely reported in the media that an aggrieved and jobless husband allegedly took the life of his wife who was a banker. As if this widely condemned bestiality was not enough, there were isolated reports of how some husbands killed their wives. For instance, some few weeks ago, a housewife identified as Rose Eyam in the Ikom area of Cross River State was reportedly sent to an early grave when her husband “head-butted” her on the suspicion that she was having an affair with a customer who usually comes late in the night to buy garri – a Nigerian staple food.

The foregoing references, no doubt, aptly illustrate the fact that domestic violence has become the hallmark of today’s marriages contrary to God’s commandment in 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 7 that says “Husbands, in same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat  them with respect as weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” Most husbands are not bothered whether their prayers are hindered or answered contrary to the note of warning sounded in the foregoing scripture. To them, the bestial act of wife-beating is inconsequential.

On the other hand, most wives in  Christendom are wont to deliberately disobey the word of God as commanded in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verse 4 that  “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” Unfortunately, many Christians are not applying these scriptures in their matrimonial homes. In the same nexus, many a husband hardly communicate with his wife at home. This gives credence to an anonymous saying that “Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to love his wife. But after marriage, it was discovered that he won’t even lay down his newspapers to talk to the wife he professed to love.”

Most readers may not appreciate the essence of this article until they realise that the family units are building blocks of the larger society. Once the family falls into crises, the larger society would equally fall into crises, particularly in the form of crime.  Simply put, the family unit is literarily the block making factory of the society. By extension, every child in the society is a building block manufactured in a family unit.

There is no denying the fact that children from broken homes are seemingly more vulnerable to mind-bending activities than children nurtured under the watchful eyes of both parents. In my view, the sociological problem of divorce is surmountable if change agents like religious leaders, parents and non-governmental organizations begin to play their expected roles in the society. But as it seems, some of this change agents that are supposed to be positively changing the society through their callings are no more doing so. Rather, they have gone out of their callings by opting for divorce contrary to the expectation of the society.

Finally, I am using this piece to encourage Nigerians to begin to see the marriage institution as a serious institution that needs to be protected from oddities as the products of the institution, which are the children, are capable of building or destroying the project called Nigeria.

•Asabor wrote in from Lagos. E-mail: [email protected]