10th August, 2012
Little lies, white lies, dissembling- “adoption of false appearance; the creation or adoption of false appearance in order to conceal facts, feelings or intention” all fall under deception. Creating false impression has come to be part of human life and unfortunately, some people count it to be inevitable in relationships.
Deception can manifest in diverse ways but the bottom line is its play on human feelings and emotions which either creates a sense of falsehood or outright misrepresentation of facts and situations. Shocking to mention is the point that most relationships are founded on lies, built on falsehood and nurtured by dissembling.
There is no need pointing accusing fingers at men or women or trying to justify who the main culprit is; who tells lies or deceives, both men and women are guilty and the nature of their lies portray their values and interest.
Wilson, a young and successful business man walked up to Hilda during a cocktail; introduced himself and rolled a conversation from there. He made her believe he was a “single and still searching” guy who has been jilted by babes many times. Date after date, she finally fell in love with him. With his level of financial comfort, she was not surprised to hear him declare his intentions to rent an apartment for her.
Although Hilda actually enjoyed the attention of parents and maids waiting on her once she closed from work, the offer of having her sweetheart come in to her apartment without parental restrictions or questioning made it easy for her to consent. As soon as she moved into the apartment rented by Wilson, he saw her more often and spent short holidays and most weekends at hers.
We are not exactly sure what lies he told the wife to be with his mistress each time he chose to but one thing is sure that this act wounded both parties. His wife of many years has come to trust and believe almost everything he tells her; yes, this is the problem with deception- it flourishes most with people who have sold out their emotions to you. Only those who take you for what you say can fall victim of your tricks.
Was Wilson probably faking to be out on official call or was he making up stories of business trips that never existed or worse still pretending to go see his aged parents while running to Hilda? Any of these could be the answer but whatever the case, does true love involve lying? Not just lying but cheating in the process too?
You do not need to be told how devastated Hilda was when she found out that Wilson was not only married but had four lovely children to raise. She says: “The man I gave my heart turned out to be a liar; he made me believe I was the only woman in his life and showered me with so much care I forgot to watch my back for danger. How could I have known it was all fake? How could I tell his words were nothing but a trap? My eyes were too focused to see beyond the mask he paraded for me; I took him for who he said he was and gave him my heart unreserved. If his wife cursed me for being nasty, would this curse really work? Did I do it intentionally? Why would a wicked man plunge a fresh life like mine into such mess that has destroyed my entire destiny? I find no place to hide my shame; my parents are out to break my spine- not minding whether it’s my fault or not. Wilson, you are mean, I wish you never came my way”.
Apart from cheating on his wife, Hilda on the other hand was also losing because she never paid attention to other guys who were seeking her hand in marriage. Although Wilson spent time and spoilt her; his family life was moving on with children growing up. How terrible could this be? When Hilda finally found out what she’s put herself into, words could not express the hurt and believing another man is still an issue till date.
Clem was happy to be called the father of three lovely children until one of them took ill. Complications and unproductive medical care prompted series of test which finally disclosed the child was not his. Yes, they were a happy family; so it seemed but here is a question of trust? Where did the child come from? He could still remember the instances his wife set special atmosphere to announce the beginning of each pregnancy; could all of that be lies? How could she be sneaking children from her childhood lover into her matrimonial home? The hardest bit was finding out that none of the children actually belonged to Clem- what a wicked world?
Deception as it were, is a game played by people who think they are smarter than others. There are no age limits to this game and time has nothing much to do with it. It amazes me when even the baby you gave birth to a few years back tries to do stuff and think you’ll never find out. Sometimes they get away with it but at other times it’s just a case of Ostrich hiding where only the head is covered in sand and its small brain makes it feel it cannot be seen. If a child says no when he knows he’s supposed to say yes; should we conclude deception is woven in the fabrics of life?
Everyone seems to have something they want people to believe about them or the situation at hand. A man who is struggling to feed walks up to a lady and paints a picture of affluence and high social status, a young girl from a poor or average home tells tale of how her parents take them abroad on holiday, a crying house wife narrates how romantic her husband treats her- that reminds me; the other day, a friend of mine did say that ladies should be careful of what they listen to and how much of it they believe or fall for. In her words “don’t mind all these women who lie to you that their husbands bought them silver or gold worth a ridiculous amount of money- the truth is that the husband did not buy them anything; it’s all lies, they only want to create an impression. Some of them actually bought whatever it is for themselves and are still painfully paying to offset the credit. If you follow them, you’ll end up insulting or fighting with your husband for not taking good care of you.” People would always tell you what they want you to believe about them.
People think that deceiving their spouse is an efficient way of maintaining the rewards that come with emotional relationships. Whatever these rewards, I do not agree that you have to lie to your spouse to keep enjoying the favour that flow from them. It has been challenging to face issues of telling little white lies to save a marriage. Saying no when it’s yes just because you do not want to answer too many questions is a way of saying ‘you do not care about the feelings of your spouse.
The most pathetic scenario sometimes come up when some one is actually interested in spending the rest of his/her life with another but nothing they share is true. How do you want to live the rest of your life deceiving people? Or deceiving yourself?