5th October, 2012
Are there people who truly enjoy their relationships all the way through? This was an amazing question coming from a disappointed lover who thought love was a promise to be happily ever after.
Just like any other aspect of life, relationships are never always smooth and romantic. There could be times you lie on wet pillows asking yourself if you took the right decision in the first place. At other times, you might feel absolutely consumed by the mere wink of the one you love; love could tick really deep.
Generally speaking, the spark of love seems to be brighter at the beginning of the union; honey still drips from the moon while two souls entangled in fantasies tap its rare resources. A few months later, reality hits and folks begin to wonder if their spouses were the best for them. They secretly desire and wish for another but unfortunately, it’s a bit too late and complicated to handle.
Gladys, as I chose to call her; a lovely young bride called for help just after the first night with her husband. She lamented about his snoring that could only be compared to a lion’s roaring. “Snoring happens to be one thing I hate so much in my life and I can’t imagine putting up with it for the rest of my life”- she frowned. Poor girl! This immediately gave me insight to the fact that she was naive and knew little about marriage.
Who told you that we always get what we like in marriage? Is it possible to like everything about a totally different individual? You must be joking. The important thing to note in relationships is your ability to accommodate others. At work, you could be in the same profession; doing the same job, expected to deliver same result but you apply diverse principles. This in essence tells you that people’s mind process information differently based on who they are.
Handling Gladys’ case was great fun because loads of issues came up which made her understand coming together in marital union was more than what we can see and like about the other person- it’s your destiny together.
Snoring, to start with may be caused by several things ranging from tiredness to overweight, sleeping positions, health condition, etc. If the new husband was snoring because he was exhausted after the big wedding party which made him sleepless for weeks or even months: wouldn’t it be too early to judge him as a bad snorer? The satisfaction of having his dream love finally ‘to love and to hold till…’ could be a potent cause for such a deep sleep. Anyway, whatever the cause, snoring can be treated medically as well if all other measures fail.
If you can easily discover snoring and opt out of the union because you can’t stand it, what happens with several other things yet to come? How many would you abandon just because of your little discomfort. As you live with someone over time, I bet there will be loads of issues springing up quite often than expected. The physical make of the person may even be totally disfigured or damaged. Material/financial foundation may crumble as a pack of cards just at the entry of one problem. The list goes all the way down but your decision to work together and enjoy each other can surpass intimidating hurdles.
A man/woman who agrees to a relationship with the mind of ‘if it favours me’ is a dangerous lover. The interest of the other party is never in mind and guess how they would be treated? Anyhow! Merging your life with another person is a big responsibility; keeping calm and being ready to accommodate the other pulls you through it all.
Things that can hinder you from enjoying your love:
•Listening to the wrong people: This is a deadly trap. A man once came to me and said “I don’t know what to do with my wife, my friends say she’s too short”. I looked at him and smiled- what was he looking when he proposed to her? You should always remind yourself that nobody knows what attracted you to your spouse- this is/should be your little love secret. Once you are able to answer yourself why you got on with that fellow; let the opinion of others come last. It doesn’t matter if the person is short or tall, fair or dark complexion, rich or poor. There is always a catching point in every relationship; remind yourself regularly and look away from the rest.
•Seeking counsel from the wrong source is close to listening to wrong people only that counselling is sought in most cases during crisis. The people you confide in times of trouble determine to a great extent whether you’ll be able to keep your love promise.
•Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are. This does not necessarily mean that married people should only be friends with the married but if your single friends want you out of your home, consider your choice. Friends who do not seek your good should not be kept too close; weigh every word spoken about your spouse or relationship and quickly take a decision whether that person should be in your list of friends. A friend that continually talks down your spouse should be watched closely.
•Competition:Trying to be like others or doing everything to outshine your peer is dangerous. This will force you to compare your relationship with others and measure who gets what. This is totally uncalled for.
•Self-pity: Self-pity keeps you from enjoying what you’ve got. You always feel it’s better with others. Who told you?
•Greed: Be contented where you are.
•Ignorance is the summary of why people are not enjoying their relationships. Get knowledge about everything you do and be better positioned for success. Read about relationships, take out time to understand what makes the other happy, create time for romance, appreciate each other, verbalise your love, respect your differences, protect each other’s interest every time, look good and make your spouse feel like the most important person in your life.