8th March, 2013
Looking for ways to make relationships work or going an extra mile to ensure things are in place is an indication you are willing to do your bit for the sake of love.
This process of harnessing financial, emotional and material resources does not promise to be an easy journey but like they say; “what is worth doing, is worth doing well”. To achieve a reasonable level of success, certain words and what they really stand for should come to play.
Attitude: We keep hearing people say “Attitude is everything”. Indeed your attitude towards your spouse determines to a great extent what is going to happen to the relationship sooner or later; would you be able to cope with each other?
Will someone be willing to sacrifice for the joy of the other? If corrections come, how would the affected party react to it? How would matters of care and concern be handled? As a matter of fact, attitude defines your entire daily dealings with the one you love. Simply put, it is who you are and what you do; how you treat others and your expectations of them as well. If you have the right attitude, your relationship is likely to groove well.
Approach: Up to a certain point, people are not really sure whether there is any difference between ‘Attitude’ and ‘Approach’. Your manner of approach has a part to play in the way your spouse would respond/react to you. Soft answers have a way of calming down rage while annoying words keep flames high.
The way you approach a person concerning an issue determines whether you’ll get what you expected or not. Learning to use polite words is not old fashioned at all; it rather reveals you have understanding of the need to show respect to your partner. When people feel they are not respected as expected, they become difficult to love and get along with.
Apologise: There are more wounded lovers today than in past times; the desire to flow with a jet age has made people feel too cool to say ‘I’m sorry’. Some people would rather close down a shop, buying all the gifts, flowers and perfumes when their partner seem offended than to offer clear simple, heartfelt apologies. The second issue with apologies is your ability to do it convincingly. The one you are apologising to should be convinced that you mean every bit of what you just said.
When accepted, a total turnaround tells the world you were truly sorry or probably would have done what you did in error. So if you are truly sorry, please change your bad ways, then there will be peace.
Allow: Allowing your loved one some personal space to breathe and think independently might sound like some kind of controversy but this could really be healthy for relationships. Say it to yourself repeatedly that your spouse deserves to exercise his/her mind on issues you might not want to comment.
Giving a free hand in relationships shows that you trust each other’s sense of judgment and appreciation of things. A man that still wants to go shopping with his wife because he believes he has been buying things for himself for ages and understands the techniques of big saves will end up frustrating his wife who had spent all her life looking forward to that time of independence when she would be the woman of her very own house.
A lady who is looking for the duplicate of her father in a husband will not only look for long but would be shocked to discover that every man wants to be himself and not to act like his father in-law.
If your wife comes with her unique style of cooking different from your mother’s cooking method; why not simply relax and enjoy the variety? Checking on your wife to be sure no one talks to her on the phone; whether at home or work might not yield much result after a while.
Allowing each other some level of freedom and privacy is good but let this be done in understanding; make sure you don’t hide behind this to commit atrocities; transparency is good but spending some time alone to think clearly and refresh is the secret of most successful marriages.
Young lovers believe talking and chattering is an expression of deep love but as they grow older, mature silence that says “staying by your side is enough comfort for me” replaces busy, restless attention seeking moves.
Acknowledge: Getting to a place where you acknowledge and esteem your lover above you is the zenith of true love. Discovering each other should not only be limited to physical/emotional contact.
The gifts and talents you see in your darling should be celebrated. You do not need to bruise the ego of your spouse before they submit to you.
Destroying his/her own ego or personality will make them detest you, feel unloved, turn arrogant or desire to trust a stranger who encourages them to grow.
Identify the areas your partner is good at and delegate responsibilities connected to them without interference. Look for those things that will make them feel important and needed; comment nicely on how they have brought shine on the relationship with this special touch.
Always remember to tell them ‘you would not be who or where you are today without them’. Everyone loves to know they are contributing something good to life; go ahead and give them that reassurance and validity. It’s your responsibility to strengthen your relationship in every good way possible. Enjoy!