3rd May, 2013
One finds it quite unusual for someone to scream ‘CELEBRATE’. I cannot blame you because we find ourselves in a world where criticism is the order of the day.
People were blamed as children, heavily criticised as teenagers, humiliated for poor college grades, mocked for choosing their dream career, questioned when they wanted to make a choice of life partner, tossed daily by bosses and colleagues at work and rejected at home for under-performing as parents or spouse.
With all these on a person’s mind, it would only be natural to admit that finding something good about yourself or thinking of making others feel tops would only succeed as a result of strong passion and determination. You have to be focused to see something good in you or others.
This unconsciously makes people come into relationships with a heavy bag of complaints hanging down really low behind them but with easy access to reach for doses and give to others even when they do not merit it.
As a parent, have you ever tried living one day without complaining about your children’s attitude? There you go! After all that expression of disappointment in the way they behave, where do you think it goes? Yes! Right into their future and it forms how they would relate to their own children as well. The whole thing looks and is actually a vicious cycle.
Sincerely speaking, it could be challenging to say “I’m not going to complain or criticise anyone/anything today”. If you have enough nerves to make the promise, the moment you pull out of your drive way to the road; you’ll either find a reckless driver who took no notice of your approach or a careless mom crossing the road with children unattended and there you go……’complaining’. Going through the news, you wonder what type of government is in power and before you know it…on and on with complaints. It’s almost a way of life.
Surprisingly, people seldom get appreciated the way they are criticised. A junior staff at work once asked “why is the manager always picking on little mistakes I make but never commending my positive contribution”? It was touching but she got the answer that the good she does is expected of her while the mistakes are treated as deviation.
Man cannot totally get away with this answer without being pointed to the fact that people have an innate need and desire to be appreciated; come to think of it, it really makes the world go round and keeps the job easy- the magic of appreciation.
Back to relationships, people still carry the same measure of looking out for loopholes to use against the other party. This could probably be because the human nature is very competitive and seeks to outdo the other or do they just enjoy flagging the weaknesses of their loved ones?
Anyway, whatever are the reasons for criticism should be let alone for now as our focus is basically on how to celebrate the one we love. As a matter of fact, each day opens with a blank cheque for your life. What you do with it determines the success or failure you experience. This is not only the mundane principle of a successful business mogul but also has a footing in every aspect of life including relationships. Your relationship is the way it is because of what you have put into it.
These are simple ways to make your spouse feel celebrated…..
•Some people say ‘action speaks louder than voice’ but when it comes to relationships please always remember that both should go together. In most cases, lovers prefer to hear nice things about themselves to receiving gift that make them feel like dumping grounds.
Gifts are good but telling your lover what they mean to you, how you appreciate them, how gorgeous they look, how intelligent they are or the compassion/acceptance extended to other family members will definitely blow their mind. Words well spoken make the heart merry.
•Meet out for dates no matter how old the relationship is. Your spouse will be happy to know that time and events have not changed the way you feel about them. Being seen together naturally is a sign that you are proud of each other and are happy to show the world what you have got.
•Fulfil each other’s dreams and wishes. No one is expected to play God for anyone but asking and actually getting into the world of your spouse births great bonding too strong to be broken by flimsy issues. People come together with individual vision or what they had spent all childhood dreaming to become and it would only be good if you support them or create a serene atmosphere for them to thrive.
•Be sexually adventurous. More than enough materials have gone out on sex than on any other marital aspect: some good, others pure thrash but this goes to tell you how important it is to the union. You may know so much to deliver a lecture on this topic so I’m not going to bother telling you how and what to do but always remember you belong solely to each other; go ahead and have great fun.
Funny enough, there are a lot of things to make you not feel like wrapping together but ask yourself: “Are we still going to be together”? If your answer is “Yes”, break what so ever barrier and carry on with your romance. Don’t wait for everything to be fine before sex can flow; let it be part of your bonding process.
Note that sex on its own cannot make a great union but every great marriage has its touch in a way. In situations where either partner is physically unable to participate fully in sexual acts; the other should offer support and not criticism. The important thing should be his/her love for you and not a single act- romance/love is greater than all.
To be continued………..