3rd May, 2013
EROMOSELE EBHOMELE
In the face of serious marital challenges across the globe and in Nigeria where divorce cases have become very rampant, sex therapists have come up with some ideas that could help women understand their men and prevent their relationships from crashing.
According to the therapists quoted by Yahoo, the fact that a man rejects advances from his wife does not mean that the love between them have waned. Rather, the report claimed that several things run in the mind of a man that could make him stay away from being with the wife at particular periods.
The findings showed that most men want to relax after a long day at work or that they are worried about their kids and how to raise them.
The experts also agree that while many women regularly want a face-to-face closeness from their men, the men on the other hand, may sometimes be attracted to other things like sports or want to meet the pressure of their jobs.
According to the report also, the intimacy between a man and his wife may be affected seriously where the man has performance anxiety or where he becomes addicted to pornography or as a result of the fact that most women stop making themselves attractive once they are married.
This last reason may be very common in relationships according to the report which claimed that men always want to see the ‘girl’ they were once passionate about and not one woman who now looks older than her age.
Laurie J. Watson, a sex therapist and author, counselled that the woman must continue to make herself look young for her husband.
Illustrating this, she said “there’s enormous pressure from our culture to have flat bellies.”
The report said most couples’ intimacy begin when some husbands have trouble seeing their wives as attractive as they were once they become moms.
Watson therefore advised women to structure their lifestyles so as to remain active with their men. The report also advised that women come up with concepts to always keep their husbands attracted to them endlessly.
The report further warned women against putting their children at the centre of their relationships with their husbands. At points where they want that intimacy from their men, they should ensure the kids are in their rooms and should not bring up issues concerning them.
The experts advised the women to ensure that they sometimes love what their husbands love. For example, a woman whose husband is crazy about football should develop some interest in the sport.
Warning against constant nagging, they advised that women should continue to create the excitement needed in the home as this had the power to keep the man running home from wherever he may be at particular periods.
They also advised that women should help to build the sexual confidence needed by their men and allow the men to experiment with lovemaking as too much resistance could push the man outside.
For men who are always busy with work, “it’s a good idea to agree on a time to turn off the phone and stop checking work emails so you can focus on each other. Still, be flexible when duty actually calls and he has to answer,” the report advised, adding that men have a natural instinct to protect the home and provide for the family and that this may account for their interest in their jobs.