24th May, 2013
Even the strongest person would first feel the pangs of being rejected and only put self together after a good session of either self-talk or simply reminding himself/herself of whom they are and what they stand for.
There is no point making people who suffer rejection feel like they are the most insecure persons on earth- everyone feels pain when rejected but what you do with the pains distinguish you from a feeble hearted fellow who thrives on self pity or setting pity party around them.
I have heard someone say once that rejection is a gift; it comes to you from others but you decide what you want to do with it. Since rejection basically comes from other people to you, it will be worth mentioning that there is very little you can do to stop it or control its coming.
With our focus on marital/sexual rejection, it’s good to know that even when it can be one of the signs that the relationship is grinding to a halt, couples can also show rejection without any intention of terminating the union.
Maybe the word to use should be ‘Denial’ which spells more of a temporary stuff than rejection but whatever word or expression used; the effect on the recipient is undoubtedly that of ‘REJECTION’.
When a man is rejected by his wife, he feels the pains but can put up with it as one of those things but when the woman does the chase and gets turned down; her whole world seems to crumble. Thoughts of shame, unworthiness and all sorts of negative emotions flood her mind and keep her thinking ‘I am not good enough’.
Thus, this article is reaching out for such a fellow who is crushed in the rubble of rejection. I had earlier mentioned that several things could make a man say no to his wife’s moves: there are yet a lot other issues to be mentioned.
If you find yourself in a relationship where the man feels he is a lot better than you, there’s bound to be problem in the bedroom. He sees himself as the lord of that little palace and enjoys your falling before him in ‘worship’ – what a shame.
Malicious people also find rejection as a ‘payback time’ for their spouses. They want you to feel the pains of life just the way you hurt them at other times and sometimes in other ways. Once sexual act shifts from being a mutual act of intimacy to a weapon of war; the casualty plunges deep into vengeance at every available opportunity.
Meanwhile, the rejected keeps thinking…
•There should be something seriously wrong with me
•I am not physically attractive
•Not educated enough
•Probably too old
•Not as good as others
•Not financially strong
•Not useful in any way
•Out of place
•Chasing what is bigger than me
•Simply unlucky to be rejected -self pity.
In all these I’ve mentioned, allowing self-pity to overtake you when rejection knocks is probably the worst step to take. Self pity robs you of the possible meaningful solutions you would have proffered for the situation. Your vision becomes totally blurred, thinking clustered, eyes misty and heart too sick to carry you on.
I always tell people when I have the opportunity that there is no authentic promise anywhere in the world that things would never go wrong. If a brand new car has warranty even for the first year of manufacture; it means ‘it can happen’ –things can go wrong but you have where to go and fix it.
When things go wrong in relationships; no matter how young or old they may be, your first instinct should be ‘how to fix it’- this is why I feel so sorry for people who toy with divorce- every little thing makes them think divorce.
One way of fixing sexual rejection as I mentioned briefly before would be to be patient and give time the chance to heal the cause of it. I know ‘patience’ is an old fashioned word but take it from me ‘nothing succeeds without it’. Starting a new business? You need patience. Looking for a job? You need If you wait and things still do not work well then try other measures- in life you’ve got to keep trying till you succeed. Instead of chasing your spouse the more; spend some good time to become the person you’ll love to be.
Taking a distant learning programme turned Sarah’s life around she could not explain how. The level of concentration, diligence and excellence she attained made her husband realise what an intelligent wife he had. He began to treat her with a lot more respect and trusted her with important decisions unlike before.
Everyone has a dream- that thing you have always thought of doing or becoming; channel that energy there; you’ll be amazed how much success you’ll amass. I read a man’s blog on how his son’s rejection made him decide to lose weight at all costs. Now he has not only lost the weight but has helped thousands of Americans and others to attain their target weight- he practically earns a living from writing diet blogs, books and giving advice. How did it happen? Instead of moaning about the nasty comment the son made about his weight and the open rejection by his wife, he decided to handle the problem and make the best of it.
When people reject you, they know you’ll be hurt; refusing to let that hurt overwhelm you will tell them you are not only mature but also confident. Developing yourself is a priceless investment. Look around and explore ways you can make ‘your world’ a better place to live.
Knowing how to overcome rejection is not too far from knowing how to survive in today’s world because rejection has become a daily experience for many. Consciously make effort to love, respect and value yourself. Treat ‘you’ with dignity and go for things that will help boost your person. If someone sees you as a ‘failure’ what do you say about yourself- that is really what matters and will determine your happiness. Don’t let people define you their own way.