31st May, 2013
Your journey in life is made meaningful thru relationships —you may have things but only people get to remember you when life ends. Creating or building a relationship is a job for a large heart. Small minds think of ‘me’ but large ones consider others; how to please or help them realize their goals.
As I grew up to realize this innate desire of man, life has been a lot easier for me. Understanding why people do certain things and why they expect so much of others has also become relatively meaningful. Most people could go to any length just to get and keep a relationship, others on the other hand, look for what they can gain from it but whatever the case, we need each other to survive.
To be a bit more specific, I’ll loved to narrow this discuss to how lovers should treat and behave toward each other. There are definitely things we expect to hear or see in the people we love. Sometimes we may not exactly know what to expect but can tell for sure that we want a bit more than what is being given at the moment. The feeling of deprivation brings so much pain that regret becomes inevitable, but will regret do any good to your life? The way out is: find what works and get on with it, pick the bits and pieces of your life and make love stay. This is why I have suggested some of these things that could help build your love:
Talk to me: Do you know what kind of lover will not want to talk to the one he/she loves? Relationship is about talking; it helps you know the other partner better and deeper. It is said that ‘your mouth is a window to your heart’- it is only when you talk or act in a certain way that someone can have an idea of what you appreciate or detest. Talking together (whether on phone or face to face) is also a great way to have fellowship that gladdens the heart and nourishes love.
In talking to or with our loved ones, we should also be careful about what we say and how we say these things to them as well. Nice things will help build the other person; find something good to say about them but avoid lies. The other aspect of talking to your partner tends toward your ability to handle unpalatable situations when they occur. It’s impossible to relate with people without hurting or ‘stepping on their toes’ but having a fair understanding of what is expected of you in the relationship will help you mind your language even in anger.
Help me: The word ‘help’ is the yolk of relationship. In whatever we do to or with each other, the whole idea is ‘help’. We are simply helping others to be the best they could be. If you had stayed beside a loved one in times of challenges, you had offered ‘help’. We could then boldly say that being there for people is helping them get thru life. Your spouse needs this more than you could ever imagine. A young man (Prince) just told me how he tested a woman’s love for him after many years of courtship. Here is the account:
“I met Tina during my degree programme in the UK, she gained admission a year before me and settled in really nice. She knew exactly where to get what and at a reasonable price so all my shopping had to revolve around her free days or when she would be ready to shop as well.
“Doing things together was a pleasant experience I treasured so dearly. She was ever ready to squeeze my plans into her schedule just to make sure I did not feel strange or lonesome. Time and events brought us so close that we could hardly do without seeing and spending quality time together. The next thing I said to myself was, if I have found a woman of this nature, why don’t I make up my mind to spend the rest of my life with her?
“As her twenty-fourth birthday was drawing near, I thought of the most romantic way to express my love to her and probably go a step further by proposing marriage. A week to the time, I shared my thought with my very good friend and he asked if I was sure I wanted to marry her. My natural answer was a firm ‘yes’ but he further asked if I was sure she could be there for me in times of challenges. I quickly reminded him how the girl had been there for me since I came to study in England. His last words were “test her love before you propose marriage”
“I discarded his words, proposed and then planned a trip to Kenya but before I left, I told Tina there was something special I wanted to tell her but that would be over the phone once my holiday’s over and I’m getting ready to come back to the UK (I wanted to tell her our wedding date). She agreed and awaited the surprise. We had a good time and she dropped me off at the airport with tears of love- telling me how difficult the coming weeks would be for her without me.
“I assured her of my love even though we were going to be apart for a while and she let me go with a wobbly farewell. After spending one week, I called Tina’s phone and left a desperate message. She called back and I told her about the accident- that I was still in the hospital trying to recover. When result of my x-ray was brought, it was clear to all I would not be able to walk again except by divine intervention.
“Once this information was made open to Tina, her calls reduced drastically and the next time she managed to pick my calls, she made it clear to me the relationship was over as she would not be able to spend the rest of her life HELPING a man on wheelchair. This was when I needed Tina’s help the most but she declined”.
Relationship needs just little things to succeed…
Be grateful: There’s need to say a simple ‘thank you’ to your spouse when and where necessary. Don’t ever take anything for granted or claim right of service. Notice even the minutest effort to help. People love to be appreciated even when they are doing what they’re paid for-‘thank you’ makes them want to do a lot more.
Give: Giving to our loved ones is/should be a natural instinct. It’s difficult to convince someone of your love when there is nothing you are giving. Love gives. It is possible to give without loving but it is absolutely impossible to love without giving.
Physical contact: There is no special way to express this as it is obvious we desire to be with the people we love. Find time to stay with your spouse and bask in the joy of discovering each other. It’s surely a strong language of love.