31st May, 2013
With soaring rate of divorce globally, a United States-based relationship expert, Nathan Feiles, has reeled out various ways to keep relationships intact, listing sex as a very important factor in this regard.
According to Feiles, sex is as important to a relationship as it is to the partner who wants it most.
“It doesn’t mean that the less-sexual partner needs to perform every time the other is in the mood.
“However, unless the more sexual partner is willingly prepared to not have sex, he or she will likely either get it somewhere else, or your relationship will begin to be chiseled at by sexual frustration and it takes only one partner’s sexual frustration for this to happen,” he warned
He advised that there should therefore be a kind of compromise between two people in any relationship
“It doesn’t just mean that if the more-driven partner is in the mood ten times that the less-driven has to perform five times; it can involve compromises on the type of sex, or involving fantasies of different types as part of this compromise.
“The less-driven needs to be able to opt out at times, and the more-driven needs to have some satisfaction at times, too,” he added.
Feiles also said one of the best ways to understand that there is a problem in a relationship is when there is continued lack of interest in sex with one’s partner.
The relationship expert further urged couples to worry more about their relationships than concentrate more on other peoples.
He advised people to always remember that no one is perfect and that as a result, they should engage themselves with people whose flaws they could manage considerably.
Another way to maintain a relationship, according to him, is for the couples to always do things together. This includes eating, strolling and sometimes, night out.
He noted that sometimes, argument occur in a relationship but that “the only way out of an argument is to realise you’re in one, and then to stop.
“This doesn’t mean to stonewall your partner, which is a passive-aggressive behavior. Let them know that you want to take a break, and give your partner the last word so it’s more likely they’ll give you that break. You can always return to the conversation later when the emotions have cooled.
“Listen to your partner. People don’t like the things they say to fall on deaf ears. So when your partner speaks to you, listen.”
—Eromosele Ebhomele