27th September, 2013
Excellent is the saying that “A tree cannot make a forest”. At all levels of existence man is made to be inter-dependent; we need each other. Sometimes people who tend to boast that they are all self-sufficient end up in regret. Even when you feel you have made it big, you still need the lower class chaps for service – you can never be all in all and for all.
Relationships require people to have where they can turn to in times of heat. Many hearts are broken and destroyed today because there was no useful source to turn to when they needed help. The world we live in does not help matters very much in this direction because people who call for help are seen as week and feeble hearted but when they take a bad decision, blames pour in from all angles to disqualify/discredit them.
Being able to open up and find help when necessary is a skill everyone should develop and utilise adequately. Calling it problem sharing or letting out does not change the fact that you need to know how much information to release about your situation at a particular time and to whom. It’s not everyone that should know or hear every detail of your case.
Telling the wrong person can as a matter of fact worsen your situation and hearing your secret on public desk can be highly devastating or even shameful. Choose your confidants carefully to be sure you would not end up more wounded than ever. “A problem shared is halved”.
It’s assumed that emotional relationships are formed on the premise of love and this makes people to be very expectant. They place everything on the scale of love and fair treatment and when it does not turn out that way; disappointment and frustration come to fore. Hard although to believe that something as sweet as love can lead to heartache yet it is true and even more so when expectations are not met.
Having unmet expectations should not possibly call for the end of the relationship; what you need might just be a shoulder to cry on- someone to listen to you and empathise with your situation.
It took me some time to understand empathy: I was always trying to solve my clients’ problems and that landed me in so much stress than I could possibly ask for. There was a passion to take off people’s burden and make their smiles return as soon as practicable but hey! That is not my job; every adult is responsible for his/her feelings. I’m available to listen and support you through difficult times till you can take a stand that would lead you to fulfilment/happiness.
Entering relationships with the mind that difficult times may sometimes come is an informed disposition. This will help you not to be thrown off balance each time you encounter challenges. Finding solutions and having a positive mind presents you in a very good light.
Life can be so difficult at some points you’ll be tempted to think your situation is the worst; your relationship may tend to be so bad with all kinds of negative signs following but all these are things you can overcome by the decision to conquer. A million and one three things can make relationships hard to cope with. Whether it is your spouse or a particular circumstance at the moment that seems so challenging, seek a hand of help instead of languishing in pains all alone.
Why you need a hand….
*Companionship: Having companionship does not only apply to the one you are intimate with. You can find companionship anywhere you are offered attention. What is needed here might not have to do with intimacy but a clear and loving heart to accommodate your aches.
*Experience: There is definitely someone somewhere who has gone through what you are struggling with at the moment. Have you heard that experience is the best teacher? But learning from the experiences of others makes you a smart scholar. You do not need to go through the whole length of what a little advice would have shortened for you. Be wise! Your circumstances might not be the same but you sure can learn something useful to apply in your case- just be smart.
*Inspiration: Clara told us a story of how she used to work as a customary court staff in a local council. Each day, she saw several people coming to file for divorce. In her cheerful mannerism she would walk up to them to ask why they wanted divorce. One day, after hearing a young lady’s reasons, she shook her head and tears flooded her pretty face. The lady thought she was crying that her young marriage was ending so soon but Clara turned to her and lamented. “If my husband treated me half the way yours is treating you, I, Clara would have been the happiest woman on earth”. The lady asked “You mean you are not getting as much love and you are still married to the same man”? Clara answered “No my dear. I have come to discover that life does not deliver all its blessings in one day- if today is dull, I expect a brighter tomorrow: this hope keeps me hanging in there. If my marriage is shaky today things would get better as we get to know each other better”. The young lady did not need any other conviction to get back home and work on her relationship- she withdrew the divorce plans and settled down for a happy home. After all, there are problems everywhere; we just need to solve them wisely.
*Emotional support: Knowing that you have someone to talk and run to in difficult times is so soothing. Whether they are friends or core family members, you’ll receive strength each time you are fed with words of hope and comfort. Hearing that your situation can still change for the better gives hope to carry on. The more you say and sink these positive thoughts into your subconscious, the more courage you derive for your success. Again, sometimes mere sharing your problems with the people you trust and love makes you feel lighter and happier – they might not be able to proffer solution but the thought that you’ve let it out leaves you free.
….CONTINUES NEXT WEEK…..